Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking Flashcards
How Can You Win an Argument?
You can’t. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
“Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face?”
Instead of focusing on what you don’t agree with, focus on what you and your opponent do agree on.
A Sure Way of Making Enemies - and How to Avoid It
Say “You’re wrong.”
Instead, show respect for others person’s opinions (and use diplomacy)
“There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: ‘I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
If you’re wrong, do this.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
“Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say- and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.”
If you must “argue”, remember to use A Drop of _____.
Honey. A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
Always begin in a friendly way.
Begin in a friendly way teaches us that a friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more willingly than temper and demands.
“If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.” -Abraham Lincoln
The Secret of Socrates
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
“[Socrates] kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.”
Commitment and consistency says that “once people have made a choice or taken a stand, they are under both internal and external pressure to behave consistently with that commitment. This desire for consistency offers us all a shortcut to action as we recall a previous decision we have already made.”
The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
“Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out.”
“If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But Don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.”
How to Get Cooperation
Let the other feel that the idea is his or hers.
“No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.”
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
“Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do this.”
What Everybody Wants
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
“[The magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively]: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
An Appeal That Everybody Like
Appeal to the nobler motives.
“The person himself will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to their nobler motives.”
Ex. “I sized you up in the first place as being a man of your word.”
The Movies Do It. TV Does it. Why Don’t You Do It?
Dramatize your ideas.
“You are literally throwing away pennies every time a customer goes through your line.’ With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor. He quickly became more attentive.” “I was able to get an order from him to replace all of his old machines.”
When Nothing Else Works, Try This
Throw down a challenge.
Challenges motivate people not for sordid reasons but because people have a desire to excel and to succeed.
