Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment Flashcards
If you must find Fault, what is the best way to begin?
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always more comfortable to hear something unpleasant about ourselves after we have heard some praise about one of our good points.
A barber always lathers a man before he shaves him
Imagine a dentist about to perform drilling. Yes, the patient is about to get drilled, but the dentist gives him Novacain to dull the pain.
How to criticize — and not be hated for it?
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise, but then follow it with the word “but” and end with a critical statement, such as “I’ve got to say bro, you’re looking swole, but your legs make it look like you don’t even lift”.
Once someone hears the “but”, it makes them question the sincerity of the praise and that it was only put there to cushion the insult coming.
Try replacing the word “but” with “and”. Example: “I’ve got to say bro, you’re looking thick, solid, tight… and if you work your legs a bit harder people will def. think you’re shredded”
The praise now comes off as sincere and may make that person want to live up to our expectations
How to start a conversation when you want to criticize the other person?
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
It feels a lot better to hear someone talk about their faults and kind of “get down on your level” in a sense before they point out yours.
Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one has corrected them – can help convince someone to change their behavior.
No One Likes to Take Orders
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Giving suggestions instead of giving orders saves a person’s pride and gives him a sense of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
Asking questions instead of ordering someone around can make an order seem more palatable and often stimulates the creativity of the person’s you ask. Example: “DO THIS!” versus “You think it’d be a good idea to try this next time..?”
Let the Other Person Save Face
Principle 5: Let the other person save face
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Don’t belittle a person basically
How to spur people to success?
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Praise people on their improvements.
Words of praise can change someone’s life. Can you think of a moment where someone’s praise encouraged you and led you to becoming more successful?
Enrico Caruso, one of the greatest and most successful opera singers, was once told by a teacher when he was 10 that he couldn’t sing. His mother’s praise was what helped motivate him to continue trying anyway.
Give specific praise. Not just short flattery.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
How to improve a person in a certain spect?
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
“The average person can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.”
If you want to improve a person in a certain spect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
For an example, instead of firing someone for slipping up, first try telling them what a valuable asset they have been in the past (if they truly have), and tell them they’ve been slipping up a bit lately and that you would like to work with them to help fix this problem.
Change the person’s attitude or behavior by giving them a big reputation to lead up to. Example: Telling them they have the qualities of a leader and you can see it by their work ethic. Perhaps the person will start working harder after that to live up to that reputation.
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Praise someone’s good points and minimize the person’s faults. You could say something like “All it would take is a little _________ and you could be great!”
Let the other person know you have faith in them to get over that obstacle.
Making People Glad to Do What You Want
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Always make the other person happy about doing what you have suggested.
Be sincere. Do not promise anything you can’t deliver.
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
Consider the benefits the person will receive from doing what you suggest.
Match those benefits to the person’s wants.
When you make a request, put it in a form that shows the other person how they will benefit from it.
