Midsummer/Jersey - Nikki Lines

Question 1

PATTI: Are we all here?

Answer 1

I’m here!

Question 2

JANET: I….yes.

Answer 2

I think you should call them one at a time and tell them what parts they have.

Question 3

PATTI: We hope to God will be chosen for the governors wedding day!

Answer 3

Yesss! Now tell them the name of the play and what it’s about.

Question 4

PATTI: The play is called Romeo and Juliet and it’s about true love and its dreadful consequences.
ALL: Oooooh.

Answer 4

It’s by William Shakespeare who is very hot at the moment.

Question 5

PATTI: Now I will call your names out one by one and tell you what parts you’re playing. Alright? Nikki Bottom, Stylist.

Answer 5

Ready! Ohhh, what do I have? I can’t wait!

Question 6

PATTI: Nikki, I want you to play Romeo.

Answer 6

Oh, I love that part! I love it! That is exactly who I wanted to play! But just remind me, is he good or bad?

Question 7

PATTI: He is very good. He’s sort of an Italian playboy who kills himself for love.

Answer 7

Ooh I like that, it’s so touching. I’ll weep buckets when I play him, and the audience will suffer right along with me. “Oh my love, I must end it all.” And yet my favorite types are usually very strong women, like Bella in New Moon.
“Jacob! Don’t you touch Edward! He can’t help it if his teeth are sharp! That’s how God made him!”
Thank you, Thank you, does Romeo have any moments like that?

Question 8

PATTI: No, she’s a girl. The beautiful girl that Romeo is in love with. She also kills herself but only after a very long speech.

Answer 8

Oh let me play Juliet, too! You see I can pop in and out, I’m here, I’m there, I’m Romeo, I’m Juliet, they won’t even notice. And I can play Romeo with a beard and a very masculine voice, “Oh Juliet, what light you shed in yonder breaking window!”

Question 9

PATTI: No, no, no! You will play Romeo and Franci will play Juliet!

Answer 9

All right, fine. Fine! Go on.

Question 10

PATTI: Not a problem. You can improvise because it’s nothing but roaring.

Answer 10

Oh let me play the lion, too! You see roaring is my speciality! I-I-I go to the zoo all the time and listen to those strapping beasts and just let ‘er rip. Roooooar! Roooar!

Question 11

PATTI: Because Romeo is the star, Nikki. He’s a gentleman, he has his own office and barely leaves the stage for a minute! And so we need you, darling. Do it for the theater!

Answer 11

….All right, I’ll do it.
But I’ll need a beard. A sort of Brad Pitt look with a little stubble.

Question 12

PATTI: I’d have us rehearse here in town, but you can imagine all the imitators who would try to steal our best ideas. The theater, as you know, is lechery incarnate.

Answer 12

We will meet at the beach, as Patti says, and there we shall rehearse most obscenely and courageously. And remember: we are artists. Our business is beauty. And so be perfect and remember our motto.

Question 13

And so be perfect and remember our motto.

Answer 13

Scissors up
Nails bright
Combs down
Curlers tight.
Dryers on
Extra fluff
Hit the spray
And that’s the stuff.

Question 14

PATTI: On time, all here and it’s the perfect setting for rehearsal. Now this flat part here will be our stage, we can change behind the shower.

Answer 14

Patti?

Question 15

PATTI: Yes, oh Nikki Bottom?

Answer 15

I’ve been reading the script and I think there are some parts that could be problems.

Question 16

PATTI: Such as?

Answer 16

Well first of all, won’t the audience be afraid of the lion?

Question 17

PATTI: And then we’ll fix the costume so that Janet’s face can be seen coming through the lions neck. Ergo no fear, problem.

Answer 17

Excellent/sounds good to me/

Question 18

ROBERT: All right, but then there’s the balcony. The play says, “Romeo and Juliet kiss on a balcony.” And we don’t have a balcony.

Answer 18

…Wait, I’ll solve this…Something’s coming…Yes! I have it! One of us will play the balcony. She can lie on her back and hold her arms like this and we can put some railing at her fingertips.