Midlife Families Flashcards
Midlife Crisis
- Identity crisis is evident of foreclosure in adolescence - followed the path, didn’t really challenge.
- Symptoms: anxiety, depression, dis-ease, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, insomnia, depletion
- Gender Crossover: women become more assertive, men become more giving and expressive
- Crisis is not normative - in general, people report increased feelings of well-being & greater sense of control over many parts of their lives
Physical & Mental Agility
Memory, reflexes, energy level, & speed decrease
Need solid amount of sleep
Body Changes
Metabolism, muscle mass, skin elasticity, hair loss and greying (men - hair growth), sensory loss, bladder control, loss of bone density
Ageism is even stronger for women - often do various things to escape this, such as coloring their hair.
*Our culture devalues older women
Menopause
- Cultural stereotype of raving maniac
- Perimenopausal symptoms can start 10 years earlier and may be more severe
- Problems can increase risk of: heart disease, hot flashes, loss of lubrication, insomnia, thinning hair, loss of libido, “fuzzy thinking,” osteoporosis
- More than half of all women report few or NO symptoms, sometimes even report “post-menopausal zest”
Sex gets better for women! Less concerned about looks.
Viropause or Andropause
- Testosterone level drop in midlife
- Physical changes: erections can take longer to develop, be less firm, take more stimulation. Orgasms may be harder to achieve and less forceful. Prostates can be enlarged, testicles shrink, and scrotal sacks droop.
- Psychological consequences due to being socialized to competition
Emotional Development
- Age of Mastery
- Increase in wisdom, judiciousness, compassion, depth of perspective, complexity, and intuition
- Feeling responsible: executive personality (leadership) and generativity
Mid-Life Identity Crisis
- Internal push to become “whole,” to own the unacknowledged or shadow parts of oneself and an opportunity for growth of the “real” vs. “ideal” self, which furthers individuation and authenticity
- Process can be frightening - sometimes have to let go of visions of who we have been in order to know ourselves for who we really are now
Gender Differences in Midlife
WOMEN
- Growth in mastery, identity, and voice (own her voice instead of deferring it)
- Adoption of a feminist identity and higher educational levels are associated with midlife well-being
- Women who experienced “traditional role regrets” but do not make changes show higher rates of depression
MEN
- Unlike women (who will talk to other women about hot flashes, etc.), men are more apt to struggle on their own
- Can come to a new appreciation of intimacy and connection (confront cultural constraints of masculinity; increasing comfort with emotion; reconnect with family, friends, and community; take mentoring roles)
De-Illusionment/ Life Reanalysis
Had visions of what life will be like when you’re older - but you can’t have it all and need to reassess
- Financial stability for the future is a looming reality
- External markers of competence are less available and satisfying (Need to learn to ask less about how successful I am in the eyes of work and more how satisfying is my relationship with work)
- Mourning lost opportunities and life choices
- Reappraisal of current life priorities: It is not too late to change
- The search for meaning: What do you want the meaning of your life to be?
*Biggest source of regret: Fear kept you from “going for it”
How to Work with People in Midlife - To Avoid Crisis and Make it More of a “Quest”
Focus on helping midlife individuals understand their feelings and know what they want and why before they act
Focus on coming into one’s own or living an authentic life vs. pursuing eternal youth which is ultimately a form of self-hatred
SES/Cultural Issues
- Economic concerns can take precedence over internal concerns (Lower SES likely to have fewer options in terms of possible change and are more likely to change in non-work related areas like with families and avocations)
- Physical health can also overshadow other issues
- Increasingly difficult to get a job w/o education or computer skills
- Harsh environments don’t teach “soft” skills of customer service
- Issue of maintaining “respect” in entry level jobs for “invisible” young Black or Hispanic men
- Long-term dreams can be discouraged and seen as unrealistic
- Breaking the poverty cycle can be viewed as disloyal by some family members
- Are young people expected to live at home until marriage?
- Are they expected to contribute to FOO financially?
Process Assignments
- Patience: this can take time
- Mindfulness: lose your mind and come to your senses (“doing vs. being”)
- Avoid “numbing” activities, i.e. alcohol, television
- Practice listening
- Men: Talk to other men
- Think, write, do anything creative you enjoy
- Stay active, exercise, and care for your body
- Break “ruts” and do something different
- Confront your fears
- Cherish your relationships and contribute to your community
Relationship with Parents [at Midlife]
- Shift in roles as the child becomes the caretaker
- Forgiveness/Resolution or woundedness and old conflicts
- Further opportunities for differentiation
- Get to know your parents as people and gather information: what do you want to know about your family history?
Relationship with Siblings [at Midlife]
- Opportunities to resolve old issues
- Roles can change
- Reconnection can feel more important
Couplehood [at Midlife]
- Not many positive role models in popular culture for older love
- As children launch, couples may enjoy an increase in intimacy and connection
- Alternatively, they face problems and disconnection that have been avoided or put off while being child-focused (Increase in divorce rates at midlife)
- Traditional women may push for more egalitarian relationships and/or deal with pushed-down anger/resentment
- Differentiation continues to remain key
