Chosen Families

Question 1

Adoptive Families: Current Trends

Answer 1

Open Adoption, which is along a continuum

Adoption over long-term foster care

• Older children with traumatic backgrounds
• Attachment issues are common

Adoptions from abroad

• Adequacy of care varies tremendously
• Records may be incomplete and/or inadequate
• Higher incidence of disrupted attachment
• Physical dissimilarities make adoption public

Question 2

The Adoption Process

Answer 2

• Commonly involves loss as an issue at the beginning. Usually loss for ALL involved.
• Public or private
• Domestic or international
• Process involves a “home study,” training and unclear waiting period
• Can be expedited if willing to adopt an older children, mixed-race child, or child with significant disability
• African American couples are liable to have their approval faster as well

Question 3

Attachment

Answer 3

The younger the adoption the better.
- Typically do not experience loss until around age 8

Later:

• Children lose relationships with biological family
• Friends, pets, foods, customs, surroundings
• Issue of “match” is key
• Answering to outside agencies

Question 4

The Family Story

Answer 4

• Important!
• How the story is told is key
• Generally earlier is considered better
• Knowledge of developmental issues is important (Story fits the age of the child with increasing complexity over time; Around 8 deals with issues of loss)
• Biological siblings: May feel internal sense of privilege and guilt in their entitlement. May also feel normal sibling rivalry that the adopted child is treated differently

Question 5

The Family Life Cycle

Answer 5

Infancy and Toddlers: Ability to converse openly is key

• “Goodness of fit” issues
• Parental loss of “idealized” biological child
• Reasons for adoption and preparedness for the resultant issues
• “Gotcha Day” ritual

School Age Children

• Adaptive grieving: working through abandonment issues (Need to be patient and accepting)
• Family projects in school

Adolescents

• Identity issues (Idealizing birth parents - “You aren’t my real mom/dad!”; “what if”; integrating parts from both families
• More conflict

Adult adoptees

• Continuing identity issues
• Search for birth parents
• Maintaining relationship with “real” parents

Question 6

Difficult to Place Adoptions

Answer 6

• Over the age of 5
• Minority/ Mixed race children
• Physically, emotionally, or developmentally disabled
• Sibling groups
• General issues: attachment issues, trauma, preparedness for the enormity of the difficulties

Question 7

International Adoptions

Answer 7

• Physical, cognitive, and mental health issues
• Communication issues due to language barrier
• Culture shock
• Cultural integration of the whole family, not just the adoptee (food, language, music)
• Issues in adolescence with pressures for conformity
• Goal: true bicultural identity (“American, but also ___” )

Question 8

Transracial Adoptions

Answer 8

• Lots of public opinions bound to cause stress for families (Bias against multiracial families headed by white parents)
• “Color-blind” ideals diminish the importance that race plays in our culture and denies important differences within the family (Can leave children feeling racially isolated and unsupported in their encounters with racism)
• If the family is rural or suburban the child may grow up as a minority in both their family and immediate social context

Question 9

What Helps in Transracial Adoptions

Answer 9

• Positive ties to child’s cultural and racial community
• Creating a multicultural identity that is shared by all family members
• Connecting to other multiracial families and activities
• Opening discussing and acknowledging racism and prejudice

Question 10

Resiliency in Adopted Families

Answer 10

• Marital stability and shared parental values (BIG issue if one parent was ambivalent about adopting)
• Open communication, structure, warmth, and flexibility
• Realistic expectations: non-idealization of adoption
• Open to education about adoption and child deficits, including therapy for the child and family
• Parental confidence in their abilities
• Parents perceptions of difficulties as problems to solve, not signs that the adoption is failing
• Empathy with the child’s experiences (non-defensiveness especially during adolescence, when child often pokes at parents for not being “real” parent)