lecture 8 Flashcards
Tasks of adulthood
Period of continued exploration of sexual identity
Identify sexual likes and dislikes
Develop effective communication
Being responsible about sex
Greater intimacy
The never married adults
Never married adults: Adults that have never been legally married
Growing number of never married adults
Many never-married adults are in romantic relationships
Some are living apart together: meaning they are committed but don’t live together
Some are in long distance relationships
Percentage of those never married in:
1971: ages 20-24:56%, ages 25-29:21%
2016: ages 20-24: 96%ages 25-29: 96%
Many people are exploring their career, so put off marriage, some people just want to enjoy time with their partner
But most people do want to get married eventually
In 2018, 73% of 18-24 year olds have never been married, 1 in 6 particularly don’t want to
Changing attitudes: marriage and having children are becoming less of a priority
Long distance relationships
Becoming more and more common
Most media portrayal of long distance are negative compared to geographically close relationships
No difference in relationship or sexual satisfaction
No differences in rates of infidelity
Tend to do better when both people are putting in effort to maintain relationship and keep in touch
People in long distance relationships tend to idealize their partner:
If you don’t see partner for a long time, you don’t get exposed to their annoying habits on a day to day basis, so you see your partner in a idealized way
Singleism
stigmatizing and stereotyping of people who are not in a romantic relationships
As people get older and older, being single is perceived as possessing more negative characteristic than their peers
Ie: being less attractive, being less sociable, less self-esteem…But none of this is true..
committed relationship ideology
people with partners are better than people single
The wedding ring effect:
when somebody is taken, they are seen as more attractive
Study:
They have photos and provide information about people in photo stating if they’re single or married
When providing picture of people who are in a relationship they are seen as more attractive
This effect is particularly evident in men
Men are seen more attractive when in a relationship than when they are not
This is because men are seen as already screen and checked by another woman when they’re in a relationship(ie somebody else already approved)
“She think hes good enough to date, so he must be good”
But when not given information about relationship status (single or taken) there seems to be no difference in attractiveness
Are singles really that bad?
No, no differences in personality, attractiveness, self-esteem and social ability
Settling for less…fear of being single
Many people fear being single
Fear of being single is predictor of settling for less in existing relationships
This fear also predicts romantic interest in lower quality partners
Cohabitation
living with a romantic partner one is not married to
For many people this is a stage before marriage (for many)
Cohabiting couples are Common-law
Have very much the same rights as married couples do
Does not cause divorce
People who live together before marriage tend to get a divorce but Cohabitation doesn’t CAUSE divorce rather people who cohabitate tend to have more liberal views, highly educated, less religious and its these third variables that cause divorce
More frequent sex
Why bother getting married?
Heterosexual couples want to signify commitment bc its consistent with moral beliefs
LGBTQ+ couples get married for commitment and legal protection, and political fight for equality for LGBTQ
Sex 2-3 week
Frequency of sex does gradually decline with age
Novelty is worn off
Mastubation is normal
Sex and masturbation are 2 separate things
Sexual satisfaction
the overall feeling after considering the positive and neg effects of sexual relationship
More sexual satisfaction if:
1)sexual rewards > sexual costs
2)sexual rewards > sexual costs expected
3)equal reward cost ratios
4)satisfaction with nonsexual relationship
Discrepant sexual desire:
individuals can differ in levels of sexual desire
To fix this issue, one is to Maintain satisfaction via sexual communal strength: people engage in sexual activity for the better of their relationship
Approach vs avoidance
Approach:people who engage in sexual communal strength for positive reasons
Avoidance: have sex with partner to have partner stop nagging them abt it
Having babies and careers
Children affect the sexual relationship of the couple
Tendency to delay having children
Bc of how children can affect your life
Two-career homes
ie the mom and dad both have jobs) do not differ in sexual satisfaction
But we see differences in terms of satisfaction with jobs:
People who are more satisfied with jobs tend to have better sex life
People who don’t have satisfied jobs have worse sex life
Monogamy
Most expect monogamy but only some discuss it
Even so, infidelity is common
People have different views on what’s cheating and what’s not
Infidelity
Sexual: physically arousing contact (ie: kissing, sexual touching, oral sex)
Romantic: close affection or intimate connection (ie: falling love)
Some behaviors are almost always considered infidelity
4 categories of sexual infidelity:
1)sexual/explicit behaviors- intercourse, oral sex, touching, kissing
2)technology/online behaviors- sexting, cybersex, browsing dating profiles
3)emotional/affectionate behaviors-> sharing secrets, working late, giving/receiving emotional support/dressing to attract
4)solitary behaviors- viewing porn, masturbation, finding a celebrity attractive
Prevalence of cheating (data varies due to diff definitions and infidelity is taboo)
1.2%-37.5% in nationally representative U.S. samples
16.5%-85.5% in community/ college samples
Conclusion: infidelity is far more common than what we think
Why do people cheat?
Infidelity associated with:
Stronger sexual interest
More permissive sexual values
Lower relationship satisfaction
Weaker network ties to partner
Ie: you don’t have the same friends as your partner, so your partner wont find out
Greater sexual opportunities
~People who travel a lot and meet a lot of people
For many people, being faithful in a long term relationship takes effort
Outcomes of infidelity:
Psychological distress for both partners
Relationship breakup
3 phases after indidelity
1)understanding the affair
why,who,what
2)making a decision to commit
Decide to break up or stay together
3)rebuilding
Trying to make the relationship work
Half of couples who experienced infidelity broke up after 5 years even after therapy
2020 study
on indfidelity
55% of couples broke up immediately after finding out
30% tried to work it out, but then broke up after
15% made it work out
Good to discuss and set expectation of what infidelity is
Mate poaching
Seeing someone whos already in a relationship and trying to get with them
Mate poach relationships start worse quality
Mate poach relationships are more likely to end with infidelity
Sociosexual orientation:
people’s preference of sexual activity in the absence of love/commitment
Ie: peoples attitudes toward extramarital affairs, short term hookups
The more someone has unrestricted sociosexual orientation, the worse off the romantic relationship, more likely to engage in infidelity
10% relationships start from infidelity
Behaviors intended to maintain monogamy in an exclusive relationship
1)proactive avoidance
Avoiding situations with attractive individuals
2)relationship enhancement
Focus on positives of romantic partner
Investing into existing relationship
3)derogating the alternative
Cognitive strategy to focus on unattractive parts of the alternative person
“Yes shes pretty, but we would never work out, her nose is big”
Consensual non monogamy
1)swinging (more sexual)
Couples engaging in sexual relationships with other couples, or with another person
2)polyamory(more long-term loving)
Loving more than one person
3)open relationships
Variable from one couple to another
Require clear communication to specify boundaries
Becoming more and more common
CNM Relationship outcomes
Engage in sex with both partners for intrinsic reasons (ie: pleasure)
Greater sexual fulfillment with a second partner associated with lower sexual satisfaction in first partner
But.. If you have high sexual satisfaction with main partner, you can still have satisfaction with secondary partner
Sex later on in life
Older people still have sex (and satisfaction is high):
Men aged 75-80 report they have sexual thoughts and activity
Women aged 75-80 report sexual thoughts but less than men
Majority of people remain sexually active even with advancing age
Some changes to consider when having sex in older adulthood”
Men tend to find younger girls
Women tend to outlive men, so there’s less men available
Lesbian women tend to date women of the same age
Changes in women
Menopause
~Associated with physical symptoms: hot flashes, depression
Changes in levels of sex hormones
~Vagina lubrication is affected by estrogen levels
Decline in vaginal lubrication and elasticity
~Due to lower estrogen levels
~You can inject estrogen to help, or apply estrogen cream
Changes in men
Less testosterone production and sperm output
Erections occur more slowly
Volume of ejaculate decreases
Prostate enlargement
Orgasms keep you alive longer
Two factors are critical for maintaining sexual capacity in old age
1)good physical and mental health
2)regularly of sexual expression (“use it or lose it”)
People who remain sexual, remain sexual for their life
Men who reported fewer than one orgasm per month were twice as likely to die than men who had more than 2 orgasms
