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Lecture 10 Flashcards

1
Q

How does personality matching relate to quality of the relationshiop?

A
  • ideal mate personality concepts and compatibility in close relationships (Zentner, 2005) (IMPCs)
  • IMPCs: personality pattern that individuals, desire, value, and seek out in potential mates
  • Proximal congruence: self-perceived partner alignment with IMPC (strongly predicts relationship satisfaction
  • women’s IMPCs may carry greater weight in relationship dynamics
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2
Q

What do happier marriages tend to have?

A
  • woman maintains passionate
  • more joint activities and projects
  • laughing together
  • satisfaction with children (if there are kids)
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3
Q

What are some ways to establish effective communication in a relationship?

A
  • soften up at the beginning
  • tell your partner what you want (not what you dont want)
  • listen for statements of need
  • respond with open-ended questions
  • accept your partner’s emotional bids
  • express appreciation
  • repair conversations
  • establish rituals for connection
  • accept influence
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4
Q

What are some possible “rituals” to increase and deepen connections?

A
  • morning coffee
  • meditate together
  • excercise together
  • holiday routine
  • reading together
  • date night
  • new hobbies
  • greetings
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5
Q

What is Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT)?

A

established by berger, 1987
- assumed people strive to reduce uncertainty in their lives, including in relationships
- reduction of uncertainty = favorable outcomes
- studies found partners who communicate with both their partners and friends and family of their partners has greater certainty of relationship
- uncertaintly measures able to predict relationship dissolution with almost 90% accuracy

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6
Q

Why is good communication crucial?

A
  • good comm better enhances certainty, and bad comm worsens it
  • no one-to-one relationship between volume of communication and certaintly, but other factors in communication matter
    • quantity
    • clarity
    • quality
    • motives
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7
Q

What are some factors that usually lead to divorce?

A
  • infidelity/jealousy
  • failure to compromise
  • failure to express emotions/communicate
  • dissimilarity emerging/being discovered over time
  • sexual dissatisfation
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8
Q

Why do relationships end?

A

Dick(1982) identified 3 conditions:
1. pre-existing doom (partners are ill-matched)
2. mechanical failure (boredom or lacking excitement, miscommunication, suspicion, power struggles)
3. sudden death (one partner betrays the other, e.g. infidelity, abuse, deception)

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9
Q

What are reasons why relationships end in divorce?

A
  • infidelity/interest in third party
  • incompatibility
  • drinking or drug use
  • grew apart/priorities change
  • partner’s personality
  • lack of communication
  • physical or psychological abuse
  • loss of love
  • not meeting family responsibilities
  • work problems
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10
Q

What are some gender difference in perception of infidelity?

A
  • women: more likely to cite infidelity as reason for breakup
  • men: find it more difficult to forgive sexual infidelity than emotional
  • women: find it more difficult to forgive emotional infidelity than sexual
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11
Q

What are two signs of a healthy and abusive relationship?

A
  • power and control: abuser tries to take total control of partner and relationship
  • pattern of destructive behavior: pattern of abusive events
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12
Q

What are the different types of relationship abuse?

A
  • physical abuse: both hitting and intimidation
  • verbal abuse: directed, accusations
  • emotional abuse: reduce self-esteem, gaslighting
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13
Q

What is the cycle of violence and abuse in relationships?

A
  1. honeymoon phase: everything is perfect
  2. tension-building phase: one partner gives in more to gain harmony
  3. acute explosion phase: instead of giving in, abusive or violent explosion occurs, victim tries to make amends or protect themselves in any possible way

repeats again from stage 1, all fueled by denial

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14
Q

How common is domestic violence and what are the consequences?

A
  • in Canada - 7% of people in married or common-law relationships
  • domestic violence can affect children who are exposed to it –> can cause emotional, developmental, behavioral, and academic difficulties
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15
Q

Why might someone stay in an abusive relationship?

A
  • victim confuses jealousy & possessiveness with real love and concern
  • abusive partner might apologize, victim may think things will turn around
  • victim may be hopeful of helping partner change
  • victim still love abuser and does not want to leave
  • victim might not want to concede to warnings by friends and family
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16
Q

What can victims do to be safe afte leaving an abusive realtionship?

A
  • assess abuser’s danger level
  • make an escape plan
  • create a safety network with trust people
  • obtain a restraining order
  • avoid temptation to go back (most women victims return at least once, and 1/5 return 10 times)
    • reasons they may return
      • finance
      • loneliness
      • fear of being killed
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17
Q

What is Duck’s Process Model of Dissolution?

A
  • Focus on communication processes/stages that happen before, during, and after breakups
  • relational dissolution have 5 distinct, connected phases
  • couples often go through first two

Rollie & Duck (2006)

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18
Q

What are the five stages of relationship dissolution? (really more like 6)

A
  • Breakdown (i can’t do this anymore)
  • Intra-psychich processes (justification in withdraing)
  • Dyadic processes (i mean it)
  • Social processes (its not inevitable)
  • Grave-dressing processes (time to get a new life)
  • Resurrection processes (reframing and learning from previous relationship)
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19
Q

Explain the intrapsychic processes.

A
  • triggered by relationship dissatisfaction or discomfort
  • can involve
    • internal ruminating by disatisfied partner
    • preparing to talk to partner
    • cost-benefit analysis, determining one’s own needs and feelings
    • intial withdrawal and contemplation
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20
Q

Explain the dyadic processes.

A
  • revolve around dyadic (two-thing) communication
  • can involve
    • conflict
    • shock and surprise
    • reconciliation
    • re-negotiation of rules and boundaries
21
Q

Explain the social processes.

A

when couples “go public” about their problems, which can involve:
- seeking social support
- complaining about relationship or partner
- face-saving (one-sided stories)
- preparing social network for possible breakup
- sometimes familly and friends provide barriers to exiting a relationship or may facilitate it

22
Q

Explain the grave-dressing processes.

A

processes focus on coping with breakup in a socially acceptable way, which can involve:
- defining and agreeing on a “breakup story” for different people or groups
- more face-saving communication (different between dumper and dumpee)

23
Q

Explain the resurrection processes.

A

about closure and moving on, possibly moving beyond pain and distress into personal growth, may involve:
- visualizing future without old partner
- taking lessons away from the experience
- revisiting the breakup story
- exploring new alternatives

24
Q

What are Knapp’s “Coming Apart” Stages as compared to the “Coming Together” ones?

A
  • aka the reversal hypothesis
  • based on the idea that quantity and quality of communication decreases as partners disengage
  • couples may skip or move through different stages in different orders

coming together:
1. initiating
2. experimenting
3. intensifying
4. integrating
5. bonding

coming apart:
1. differentiating
2. circumscribing (restricting)
3. stagnating
4. avoiding
5. terminating

25
Explain differentiating.
maintain individual identity and autonomy (opposite to integrating)
26
Explaing circumscribing.
avoiding in-depth disclosure (similar to experimenting), not sharing as much about one's self
27
Explaing stagnating.
achieving psychological seperation, communication is at a standstill
28
Explain avoiding.
Achieve physical seperation, sometimes a testing ground, may be more verbal and clear, may be less so
29
Explain terminating.
break up while minimizing negative affect and negative consequences
30
What is the catastrophe theory?
- some relationships don't gradually unwind through stages of relational dissolution but instead through sudden death - about 25% of people report relationship end due to one single critical event - events like: - infidelity - serious arguments - physical violence
31
What are barrier models of dissolution?
both internal and external factors that lead to relationship termination, such as: - attractions: impel us to love each other - barriers: hold us secure in good relationships, prevent us from leaving unhappy ones - alternative attractions: may make a person leave even a good relationship if attraction is low, alternative attraction high, and barriers wekened --> seperation or divorce is likely strengths of these things may vary --> marital cohesion depends on relative strength of each
32
What are some examples of barrier models of dissolution and their rewards?
attraction: - family income - home ownership - educational status - occupational status - social similarity rewards --> companionship, esteem, sexual enjoyment barriers: - financial expenses - obligation towards marital bond - religious constraints - pressure from primary groups - pressure from community costs --> feelings toward dependent children alternate attractions: - wife's independent social and economic status - independence - self-acualization rewards --> preferred alternate sex partner - disjunctive kin affiliations
33
What are some disengagement strategies in a relationship?
unilateral indirect: - avoidance - relational ruses - withdrawal - psuedo de-escalation - cost escalation bilateral indirect: - fading away unilateral direct: - direct dump - datin other people - justification - relationship-talk trick - threats and bullying - positive tone - de-escalation bilateral direct: - blame game - negotiated farewell
34
What are some relationship ruses?
* Leaking the impending breakup to a friend * Asking a third party to announce the disengagement * Pretending to be interested in someone else * Asking friends to persuade the partner to end the relationship first
35
What does withdrawal of supportiveness and affection look like in ending a relationship?
* The disengager is less available to discuss problems or provide comfort and compassion * Nonverbal communication becomes less warm, involving, and immediate
36
What does psuedo de-escalation look like in ending a relationship?
* A false declaration to the other party that the relationship would profit from some distance * “Let’s just put a little space into the relationship”
37
What does cost escalation look like in ending a relationship?
* An attempt to make the relationship unattractive to one’s partner * “I thought I would be an asshole for a while to make her like me less”
38
What does the "the relationship talk trick" look like in ending a relationship?
- "let's talk about problems" - talking about problems with no intention to solve any of them
39
What does de-escalation look like in ending a relationship?
* “We just be friends” * Keeps open the option of getting back together
40
What determines the extent of emotional distress caused by relationship dissolution?
- loss of a close and valued other - lowered self-esteem - dependency - length of relationship - external sources of stress - social support - and more
41
What can be the negative outcomes of relational breakups?
- negative emotions - loneliness - financial consequences - effects on children - health consequences
42
What are 5 tips for a good breakup?
- be determined - don't go to extremes (e.g. cursing someone out) - praise as much as you can - don't do it in public - keep your distance (don't send mixed messages)
43
What are 10 tips for surviving a breakup?
- cry all you want - do something everyday to help yourself heal - find emotional support - don't be a doormat - keep busy - don't try to mask your pain - hang out with friends or make new ones - trust your feelings - take your time - research
44
What does divorce look like for people?
- from mid 1800's to 1985, divorce rate jumped from 5% to 50% - although its getting better, there's still stigma around divorce
45
What are some of the negative effects of divorce?
- can be major economic consequences, especially for women and children - correlated with higher health and mortality risks
46
What are factors that seem to contribute to divorce?
- age at time of marriage - working-class background - being lower socioeconomic status - low status job - lower education - seeing others around you divorcing: - split between immediate friend increases your own chance of divorce, but lowers if its friend of friend, and even more if theres more degrees of seperation - marital status of friends, siblings, and colleagues
47
Is parental divorce good or bad?
- depends on quality of parents' marriage before divorce - end of conflictual marriage --> positive outcome on children - end of less conflicutal marriage --> negative outcome on children
48

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