L6 Social Relationships Flashcards
Key ingredient to high SWB recipe
Strong social relatiomships
Gordon
The necessity of love
- very few report not being happy with lots of love
- fewer report being happy with no love
High amounts of love make a person happier than high amounts of money
Relationship studies
- Seligman and Diener
- happiest people all had close relationships - Chrystakis
- happiness spreads in social networks - Cacioppo
- Loneliness-serious affliction
- Chronic loneliness leads to depression and health problems - Williams
- Ostracism is the worst punishment
- Study with the Amish & solitary confinement
- Lack of stimulation- emphasis on social stimulation
Friends
Lots of friends vs. Few very close friends
- Introverts- a few close friends
- Extroverts- lost of acquaintances & few close friends; thrive with more friends
Concentric circles of friendship
- confidantes
- friends
- acquaintances
- people you recognize
- everyone else
* often the closest friend is your partner
Parental Marital Category
Predicts kid’s happiness
- highest to lowest life satisfaction
1. harmonious marriage
2. average marriage
3. divorce & no remarriage
4. harmonious remarriage
5. conflicted marriage
6. conflicted remarriage
Supportive relationships
Fun is good, but not enough
- respect, trust, counting on each other, sharing
Social support
Having people you can count on in an emergency, also important to give suport
Marrying the right person
Good looking, nice, and fun are Not enough
- never marry a nice person who has a serious personality flaw
Finding the right person is important, but being the right person is also important. Having the capacity to love and be intimate
Love
- Need love to live
- Skeel’s study of infants at orphanage
- those children that received comfort, love, care and attention lived a normal life, whereas the other group died, was mentally handicapped or mentally ill - Love is important to SWB
- But love can be short
- it’s important to give attention to people at the right time
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
- Intimacy
- closeness, boundedness - Passion
- romance, physical attraction
“infatuation” - Commitment
- decision to continue the relationship
Different types of love
Consummate love: intimacy, passion, and commitment * ideal Liking: intimacy alone Infatuation: passion alone Empty love: commitment alone Romantic love: intimacy and passion Companionate love: intimacy and commitment Fatuous love: passion and commitment
Fromm’s three levels of love
Three levels of love
- Infatuation
- doesn’t last - D-love- deficiency love
- loving the person because they fulfill your deficiencies - B-love- being love
- loving a person because they’re them and wanting to help them
Characteristics of B-love
- It’s an activity, not an emotion
- Self-love is required
- Partners keep their individuality
examples
- teaching a child to ride a bike
- going to a boring part
- helping a person with their work
- saying no to a child
- not always fun, but often satisfying
Immature vs. Mature love
Immature love
- I love you because I need you
Mature love
- I need you because I love you
Inauthentic love
Must make decisions for the other person Unrealistic expectations of the other Personal change seen as a threat Does not trust the other person Needs other person to fill void Lacks commitment Unwilling to share thoughts and feelings Manipulate the other person
Relationships can also be bad for SWB:
- conflictual, distrusting, manipulative, unequal giving
Suggestions to achieving positive partnerships
Similarity to partner in values and goals Similar in work ethic A partner who is giving, not too needy A partner who is not too neurotic A partner who is happy A partner who is conscientious
- Important being that person yourself
- important to be realistic and choosing wisely, looking beyond cute and fun
- if you want to be loved, be lovable
- if you want to be loved, be loving
Gottman’s positivity ratio
*Towards stronger relationships thru positivity
Negatives weigh more heavily than positives
- 5 or 6 positive for each negative just to be at neutral
ex. if you’re half positive & half negative- you’re in the extremely negative zone
Negative interchanges
Criticism Correcting Too much teasing Ignoring Talking over Taking over Laughing at mistakes
Positive interchanges
Expressing gratitude Giving compliments Sharing information Sharing private things- intimacy Showing interest Helping Defending Smiling Touching Talking about things interesting to the other
Upward Spirals
Positive begets positive
Negative begets negative
- important to have a positivity habit
Leads to lasting relationships, makes everyone happier, and is more effective in getting things done
- Skinner and positive reinforcement (and occasionally negative reinforcement)
Critical Positivity Ratio
Myth of an exact ratio- Frederickson
2.84 : 1
Positive to negative actions
Based on faulty computing
Why are people negative?
Jealousy, bad moods, anger, hostility, wanting to feel superior, competitiveness, fear of too much closeness, self-centeredness, narcissistic, resentments, discrimination
Social Capital
Social support at neighborhood and societal levels
- Vancouver- asking for directions
- Neighborhoods- shoveling snow, welcoming with food
- School adopts neighborhood widow
- 4 hour road cleanup
- smiling and saying hi
Un-capital
- dog running down the street, letting neighbor know and getting door slammed in face without response
