L6 Social Relationships

Question 1

Key ingredient to high SWB recipe

Answer 1

Strong social relatiomships

Question 2

Gordon

Answer 2

The necessity of love

• very few report not being happy with lots of love
• fewer report being happy with no love

High amounts of love make a person happier than high amounts of money

Question 3

Relationship studies

Answer 3

1. Seligman and Diener
   - happiest people all had close relationships
2. Chrystakis
   - happiness spreads in social networks
3. Cacioppo
   - Loneliness-serious affliction
   - Chronic loneliness leads to depression and health problems
4. Williams
   - Ostracism is the worst punishment
   - Study with the Amish & solitary confinement
   - Lack of stimulation- emphasis on social stimulation

Question 4

Friends

Answer 4

Lots of friends vs. Few very close friends

1. Introverts- a few close friends
2. Extroverts- lost of acquaintances & few close friends; thrive with more friends

Question 5

Concentric circles of friendship

Answer 5

1. confidantes
2. friends
3. acquaintances
4. people you recognize
5. everyone else
   * often the closest friend is your partner

Question 6

Parental Marital Category

Answer 6

Predicts kid’s happiness

• highest to lowest life satisfaction
  1. harmonious marriage
  2. average marriage
  3. divorce & no remarriage
  4. harmonious remarriage
  5. conflicted marriage
  6. conflicted remarriage

Question 7

Supportive relationships

Answer 7

Fun is good, but not enough

- respect, trust, counting on each other, sharing

Question 8

Social support

Answer 8

Having people you can count on in an emergency, also important to give suport

Question 9

Marrying the right person

Answer 9

Good looking, nice, and fun are Not enough
- never marry a nice person who has a serious personality flaw

Finding the right person is important, but being the right person is also important. Having the capacity to love and be intimate

Question 10

Love

Answer 10

1. Need love to live
   - Skeel’s study of infants at orphanage
   - those children that received comfort, love, care and attention lived a normal life, whereas the other group died, was mentally handicapped or mentally ill
2. Love is important to SWB
3. But love can be short
   - it’s important to give attention to people at the right time

Question 11

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory

Answer 11

1. Intimacy
   - closeness, boundedness
2. Passion
   - romance, physical attraction
   “infatuation”
3. Commitment
   - decision to continue the relationship

Question 12

Different types of love

Answer 12

Consummate love: intimacy, passion, and commitment
* ideal
Liking: intimacy alone
Infatuation: passion alone
Empty love: commitment alone
Romantic love: intimacy and passion
Companionate love: intimacy and commitment
Fatuous love: passion and commitment

Question 13

Fromm’s three levels of love

Answer 13

Three levels of love

1. Infatuation
   - doesn’t last
2. D-love- deficiency love
   - loving the person because they fulfill your deficiencies
3. B-love- being love
   - loving a person because they’re them and wanting to help them

Question 14

Characteristics of B-love

Answer 14

1. It’s an activity, not an emotion
2. Self-love is required
3. Partners keep their individuality

examples

• teaching a child to ride a bike
• going to a boring part
• helping a person with their work
• saying no to a child
• not always fun, but often satisfying

Question 15

Immature vs. Mature love

Answer 15

Immature love
- I love you because I need you

Mature love
- I need you because I love you

Question 16

Inauthentic love

Answer 16

Must make decisions for the other person
Unrealistic expectations of the other
Personal change seen as a threat
Does not trust the other person
Needs other person to fill void
Lacks commitment
Unwilling to share thoughts and feelings
Manipulate the other person

Relationships can also be bad for SWB:
- conflictual, distrusting, manipulative, unequal giving

Question 17

Suggestions to achieving positive partnerships

Answer 17

Similarity to partner in values and goals
Similar in work ethic
A partner who is giving, not too needy
A partner who is not too neurotic
A partner who is happy
A partner who is conscientious

• Important being that person yourself
• important to be realistic and choosing wisely, looking beyond cute and fun
• if you want to be loved, be lovable
• if you want to be loved, be loving

Question 18

Gottman’s positivity ratio

Answer 18

*Towards stronger relationships thru positivity
Negatives weigh more heavily than positives
- 5 or 6 positive for each negative just to be at neutral
ex. if you’re half positive & half negative- you’re in the extremely negative zone

Question 19

Negative interchanges

Answer 19

Criticism
Correcting
Too much teasing
Ignoring
Talking over
Taking over
Laughing at mistakes

Question 20

Positive interchanges

Answer 20

Expressing gratitude
Giving compliments
Sharing information
Sharing private things- intimacy
Showing interest
Helping
Defending
Smiling
Touching
Talking about things interesting to the other

Question 21

Upward Spirals

Answer 21

Positive begets positive
Negative begets negative
- important to have a positivity habit

Leads to lasting relationships, makes everyone happier, and is more effective in getting things done
- Skinner and positive reinforcement (and occasionally negative reinforcement)

Question 22

Critical Positivity Ratio

Answer 22

Myth of an exact ratio- Frederickson
2.84 : 1
Positive to negative actions
Based on faulty computing

Question 23

Why are people negative?

Answer 23

Jealousy, bad moods, anger, hostility, wanting to feel superior, competitiveness, fear of too much closeness, self-centeredness, narcissistic, resentments, discrimination

Question 24

Social Capital

Answer 24

Social support at neighborhood and societal levels

• Vancouver- asking for directions
• Neighborhoods- shoveling snow, welcoming with food
• School adopts neighborhood widow
• 4 hour road cleanup
• smiling and saying hi

Un-capital
- dog running down the street, letting neighbor know and getting door slammed in face without response

Question 25

Two approaches toward popularity

Answer 25

1. Life of the party
2. Heart of champions
   - overcoming the extremely competitive side and letting kindness guide

Question 26

Social relations and health

Answer 26

Having social support and hugging is related to strong immunity to infections