Humpty Dumpty Scene 2 Flashcards
Hey you! You at the back!
What?
What are you doing there?
Me? Nothing. I’m not doing anything.
That’s hardly true, is it? You’re standing, aren’t you? You’re looking. You’re breathing. I’d say you were doing rather a lot.
Don’t answer back! It’s your own time you’re wasting you know. How old did you say you were?
I’m twelve.
Wrong! You never said anything of the sort.
What?
Try to stay awake.
I thought you meant ‘how old are you’?
If I’d meant that, I would have said it, wouldn’t I? Twelve, you say.
Twelve and three weeks.
An uncomfortable sort of age. If you’d ask my advice I’d have said ‘leave off at eleven’ but it’s too late now.
What d’you mean, ‘leave off’?
Stop. Stop growing.
You can’t stop growing.
‘One’ can’t stop growing. Speak properly.
OK, one can’t stop growing.
One can’t, but two can. With proper assistance you might have left off at eleven.
It’s all a choice, you know. Young people today- you’re all about feelings- oh dear poor me, I’ve got a terrible life and I’m very upset. Trying being stuck up here talking to reprobates like you, then you’d know what upset is!
Get down then.
I beg your pardon?
Nothing.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I said if you don’t like it, why don’t you get down?
If you don’t like it, why don’t you buck your ideas up? Hmmm? What have you got to say to that, Little Miss Backchat?
I don’t know what you mean by ‘buck your ideas up’.
Flummery- pure flummery.
What?
I don’t know what ‘flummery’ is.
Flummery is that way you have of standing there with your nose in the air as if you thought the world owed you something, as if it was your particular entitlement to live a life free from suffering, and why can’t things just be nice and why doesn’t anyone come and rescue me when they know perfectly well that I’m stuck here and can’t get down!
But that’s a huge amount of things for one word to mean, that’s too much.
When I say a word it means exactly what I choose it to mean. I am very good with words. There isn’t a word in the world that I don’t know the meaning of.
Oh. You’re a word person!
So maybe you could interpret this-
THE BELL IS FOR ME NOT FOR YOU!
What bell?
You- you’re in detention. Stay behind.
Um. Right, OK. OK, can I ask you about these words I don’t understand-
Now, what’s going on here, eh? You can talk to me, you know. I’m not an ogre.
No, of course. Thank you. I wanted to ask you-
Anything you’d like to tell me about? Someone bullying you? Its OK to tell someone, you know- if you tell someone we can do something about it. Everything alright at home?
What?
I’m just wondering what’s making you behave like this. What d’you think the King would say if he knew?
The King?
I’m very good friends with the king. Do you know he told me that if I was ever in trouble he’d send all of his horses and all of his men?
Oh. Right. I’m supposed to know who you are. I mean gosh, lucky me- to be standing talking to the real Humpty Dumpty.
Oh you knew who I was, did you, when you saw me?
You’re famous. I’m sorry, I didn’t like to say at first. I was a bit shy. Not everyone gets to have a poem explained to them by the real-
Yes, I can see it would probably be the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you.
The King must be very honoured to know someone as clever as you. I bet he comes and talks to you all the time.