Give and Take Flashcards
networks come with three major advantages:
private information, diverse skills, and power. By developing a strong network, people can gain invaluable access to knowledge, expertise, and influence. Extensive research demonstrates that people with rich networks achieve higher performance ratings, get promoted faster, and earn more money.
If we create networks with the sole intention of getting something, we won’t succeed.
We can’t pursue the benefits of networks; the benefits ensue from investments in meaningful activities and relationships.”
When favors come with strings attached or implied, the interaction can leave a bad taste,
feeling more like a transaction than part of a meaningful relationship.
At its core, the giver approach extends a broader reach, and in doing so enlarges the range of potential payoffs,
regardless of who they are, “you should be asking yourself, ‘How can I help the other person?
weak ties serve as bridges
they provide more efficient access to new information. Our strong ties tend to travel in the same social circles and know about the same opportunities as we do. Weak ties are more likely to open up access to a different network, facilitating the discovery of original leads.
Here’s the wrinkle: it’s tough to ask weak ties for help.
Although they’re the faster route to new leads, we don’t always feel comfortable reaching out to them. The lack of mutual trust between acquaintances creates a psychological barrier. But givers like Adam Rifkin have discovered a loophole.
It’s possible to get the best of both worlds: the trust of strong ties coupled with the novel information of weak ties.
The key is reconnecting, and it’s a major reason why givers succeed in the long run
His secret was deceptively simple:
he asked thoughtful questions and listened with remarkable patience.
“Where do you need Help?”
The takers were black holes. They sucked the energy from those around them. The givers were suns: they injected light around the organization.
Givers created opportunities for their colleagues to contribute, rather than imposing their ideas and hogging credit for achievements. When they disagreed with suggestions, givers showed respect for the people who spoke up, rather than belittling them.
He believes that we should see networks as a vehicle for creating value for everyone,
not just claiming it for ourselves.
Instead of Trading Vale
Look to Add Value. You should be willing to do something that will take you five minutes or less for anybody
The takers had the lowest status. They burned bridges by constantly asking for favors but rarely reciprocating
Their colleagues saw them as selfish and punished them with a lack of respect. The givers had the highest status, outdoing the matchers and takers.”
Of all engineers, the most productive were those who gave often—and gave more than they received. These were the true givers, and they had the highest productivity and the highest status:
they were revered by their peers. By giving often, engineers built up more trust and attracted more valuable help from across their work groups—not just from the people they helped.”
By virtue of the way they interact with other people in their networks, givers create norms that favor adding rather than claiming or trading value, expanding the pie for all involved.
When they truly need help, givers can reconnect with dormant ties, receiving novel assistance from near-forgotten but trusted sources.
“I’ll sum up the key to success in one word: generosity,”
“If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.”
a defining feature of how givers collaborate:
they take on the tasks that are in the group’s best interest, not necessarily their own personal interests. This makes their groups better off
highly talented people tend to make others jealous, placing them“selves at risk of being disliked, resented, ostracized, and undermined.
But if these talented people are also givers, they no longer have a target on their backs. Instead, givers are appreciated for their contributions to the group.
By taking on tasks that his colleagues didn’t want, Meyer was able to dazzle them with his wit and humor without eliciting envy.
Meyer summarizes his code of honor as “(1) Show up. (2) Work hard. (3) Be kind. (4) Take the high road.”
when people act generously in groups, they earn idiosyncrasy credits
positive impressions that accumulate in the minds of group members. Since many people think like matchers, when they work in groups, it’s very common for them to keep track of each member’s credits and debits.
Once a group member earns idiosyncrasy credits through giving, matchers grant that member a license to deviate from a group’s norms or expectations. As Berkeley sociologist Robb Willer summarizes, “Groups reward individual sacrifice.
there’s something magical about getting the reputation as someone who
cares about others more than yourself
“The key to balancing our responsibility judgments is to focus our attention on
what others have contributed. All you need to do is make a list of what your partner contributes before you estimate your own contribution.”
The givers shouldered the blame for failures and gave their partners more credit for successes.”
he’s incredibly tough on himself when things go badly, but quick to congratulate others when things go well
This ability to imagine other people’s perspectives, rather than getting stuck in our own perspectives
is a signature skill of successful givers in collaborations
When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is;
when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.
They see people as bloomers naturally, without ever being told.
This is rarely the case for takers, who tend to place little trust in other people.
Even when takers are impressed by another person’s capabilities or motivation, they’re more likely to see this person as a threat, which means they’re less willing to support and develop him or her.
As a result, takers frequently fail to engage in the types of supportive behaviors that are conducive to the confidence and development of their peers and subordinates.”
