final exam Flashcards
chapters- 10,11,12,13
what is power? what are the sources?
Power - ability to influence the behavior of others and to resit their influence on us
Sources of power- from interdependency perspective, power is based on control of valuable resources
- Possess the resources, one need only to control access to them
- Power varies- other person’s desire vs the need for the resources
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Power is reduced if the desired resources are readily available elsewhere
Principle of lesser interest. what can they control
more dependent= less power
Fate control- one can control partners outcomes. When have the power, can determine more, etc. how often they have sex
Behavior control- by changing one’s own behavior, one encourages a partner to alter his or her actions in a desirable direction
Etc. woman offers to provide massage, if husband empties the garbage
power resources-
- reward and coercive power
- legitimate power
- referent power
- expert power
- informational power
reward- power use of rewards
coercive- power based on punishments
- legitimate power
(think we have the right to tell other partner what to do) - referent power
(when partner adores us, wishes to do what we want because they feel connected - expert power
(recognizes superior knowledge, influeneces us- we know more than them) - informational power
(exists when have information other person wants)
examples why males take dominance for granted
relative resources- get paid more than woman do
- woman earn 82% as much as men
- money is a source of power
social norms
- support and maintain male dominance
conversation
- interactions with the other sex, men interrupt woman more
coercive power-
larger in size and greater strength
stalking and violence
16% of woman get stalked
7% males
violence
1/4 woman
1/7 men
Have experienced severe physical violence from their partner in the past yea
United Nations 30% of worlds woman
4 elements of equality
Relative status- what’s important between the two, whose interest matter more?
Attention to the other- who is more likely to notice or attend to the feelings/needs of their partner
Patterns in accommodation - accommodations taken for granted
Well being - which economic success is valued more?, does one persons well being come at the expense of the others health
Benevolent
Benevolent- display concern for the welfare of their partners, use their influence to benefit both themselves and their partner
3 types of relational violence
Situational couple violence- tied to specific arguments, usually mild, unlikely to escalate into something more serious
Intimate terrorist- use violence as a tool to control the other, more likely to be one sides, escalate over time
Violence resistance- fight back against intimate terroism
Other types of power and control included in intimate violence-
5- other types of control besides violence abuse.
Isolation- controlling where they go, who they see
Imitation threading, destroying property, hurting pets
Economic abuse
Emotional abuse -“this is your fault”
Minimizing- denying the abuse
do woman engage in as much violence
Woman engage in just as much violence, men more likely to do more harm
Men more likely to beat
Woman, bite, kick
80% intimate terrosit are male 8/9 terrorist acts are male
I - cubbed model
(situational couple violence)
what type of influences
Instigating triggers-\
- something triggers them to be upset
Impelling influences
- when someone already triggered and problem get brought up
Inhibiting influences
- encourage partners to refrain acting on impulses
Influences include.
Distal influences- from ones background (Cultural norms, economic conditions)
Dispositional influences- personality traits and long lasting beliefs
Relational- current state of their relationship
Situational influences- include immediate circumstances
prevalence of divorce
how long average marriage lasts
50%
18 years
reasons for increased divorce
Demanding expectations
- people except more than they used to (asked to be lovers, friends and mutual therapist)
Women work outside the home
- both partners have access to money and alternative partners
Western culture is more individualistic
- Disconnected from our communities, we rely on our spouses for more social support than before
Gender roles are changing
- Woman becoming more assertive and self reliant
Divorce is less shameful and easier to obtain
Tend to feel that no- fault divorce is more desirable responseto a bad mariage than our grandparents did
Cohabitation is more prevalent
- Casual cohabitation leads to less respect for marriage abd increases peoples willingness to divorce
There are more children of divorce
If they experience divorce of their parents, more likely to divorce
The Predictors of Divorce
Levinger’s Barrier model - three factors of breakups
Attraction - desire to remain in a partnership is enhanced by its rewards but diminished by its cost
Alternatives - tempting alternatives increase the appeal of leaving one’s current partner
Barriers - various of social pressures, religious constraints, and financial cost may make it hard to leave
PAIR- Processes of adaptation in intimate relationships
Enduring dynamics-
Spouses may bring to their marriage problems that surfaced during courtship
Emergent distress
Difficulties that will ruin some marriages usually develop later
Disillusionment
Began their marriages with romanticized views of their relationships that are unrealistically positive
Romance fades and disappointment gradually sets in
Karney and bradbury adaption model
Enduring vulnerabilities
- Poor education, Maladaptive personality traits, Bad social skills, Dysfunctionality towards marriage
Adaptive processes
How people respond to stress
Stressful events
Need a partner to provide support and to adjust to new circumstances
Stress spillover- bring our bad moods home
main reasons that claim to cause divorce
Infidilety
Incompatibility
Drinking or substance use
Grew apart
predictors of divorce
Socioeconomic status
– low incomes and low education
Race
Social mobility
- move from place to place .
Age at marriage
- marry as teens are more prone to divorce than those marry later.
Prior marriage
– second marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages are.
Personality – the higher one’s neuroticism, the more likely one is to divorce.
Attachment style
- high in avoidance of intimacy are more likely to divorce.
Genetics – a person with an identical twin who divorces is more likely to divorce
Marital satisfaction – people who are more satisfied
breaking up
Tell people indirectly
Disconnect usually grows gradually rather than suddenly
Most of the time only ONE of the partners want the relationship to end
Absence of repair attempts- formal effort to repair the relationship
Rules of a relationship
Rules of a relationship
autonomy - don’t be too possessive
similarity - don’t be too different
supportiveness - thoughtful and considerate
Openness- self disclose
Fidelity- dont cheat, be loyal
Togetherness- spend time together
Equity- don’t exploit your partner
Magic- be romantic
steps of a divorce
Personal phase-
one partner grows dissatisfied
Dyadic phase
- discontent is revealed and confrontation, negotiation and attempts at reconciliation may occur
Social phase- publicize their distress, seek support from friends and family
grave-dressing phase- put p\the failed relationship behind them using reassessment, and accounts, rationalization
Resurrection phase- re-enter social life as singles
impact of the divorce on children
Parental loss- less well off with one parent
Parental stress- parents own difficulties may effect the quality of their parenting
Economic hardship- poverty that follows divorce, is damaging
Parental conflict- interactions between ones parents may cause anxiety and stress
perceived relational value
Degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important- is lower than we would like it
maximal, active, passive, ambivalence inclusion and exclusion
Maximal inclusion- seek and go out of their way to interact with us
Active inclusion- want us and welcome us, don’t go to great lengths to be with us
Passive inclusion- allow us to be included - like let them into a party
Ambivalence- do not care if we are included or not
Passive exclusion- others ignore us but don’t avoid us
Active exclusion- avoid us, tolerate our presence only when necessary
Maximal exclusion- banish us, sending us away, abandon us
When we find out others don’t like us around it doesn’t matter if they dislike us a lot or a little
Decrease in acceptance we receive is even worse- when people once liked us, like us less now
relational devaluation
when people start to care less about us it hurts our feelings
ostracism
-”silent treatment”- when others intentionally ignore us
-confusing, wondering why we are being ignored
67% given the cold shoulder
75% give the cold shoulder to a loved one
Not effective
Threatens basic social needs, damages our self wort
what are the two types of jealousy
Reactive jealousy:
response to an actual threat to a valued relationship
Suspicious jealousy: ones partner hasnt misbehaved and ones suspicions do not fit the facts at hand
who is prone to jealousy? why is matching important
Men and women do not differ in their jealous tendencies
More prone to jealousy: attachment styles or personality traits
Perceptions of their adequacy
Mate value- feel one partner is more attractive and desirable could cause a potential problem
Less desirable partner- likely aware that others could be a better match for their lover
Why matching is important- want the best you cab get, but threatening to realize partners could do better
what is the truth bias
assume partners are being honest with them
deception
intentional behaviour that creates a reaction in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue
types of infidelity. how do man and woman differ?
Sexual infidelity: men are especially threatened, because they face the problem of paternity uncertainty ( not knowing if they are the parent to the child)
Emotional infidelity: woman the greater risk is that mate will withdraw his protective resources
60% men said the sex would be more troubling
17% said a deep emotional bond would be more troubling
mate poaching
- lure someone away from an existing relationship- only for one night
54% men have tired to do this
34% woman have tried to do this
- woman are trying to get more attention from their partner, see how much they care, want them to get jealous
- but men don’t react that way- it tends to drive their partner away
dark triad traits
- callous, manipulative, disinterested in trusting intimacy with others
reason for lying? what is delivers distrust
- self serving
- lies intended to benefit others so you dont hurt their feelings
97% of us lied to lovers in the past week
Decievers distrust- when one lies alot, trust them less
liars - think lies are less harmless than they end up being
betrayal
disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect
Any action that violates the norms of benevolence, trust, loyalty, respect and trustworthiness
Reveal secrets. Gossip behind their back. Abandon relationship, break important promises
perceived betrayal
- have good intentions, cannot honour all the overlap of demands
- underestimate the harm betrayals do- minimize actions parter may find very harmful
- hurts the most from people we depend on and care for the most
contrition
- more likely to forgive if receive a meaningful apology
is revenge beneficial
not as satisfying as we expect it to be , causes us to stay distressed longer than normal
why is conflict inescapable
- moods change and vary
- tensions and conflict
dialects- never be fully stiffed because they contract each other- full-filling one goal may endanger another
things that could cause tension
— independence, interdependence
–Personal autonomy and close connection to others
– Openness vs closed (share a lot about ur day and partner just says its good)
–Stability vs change (change room, move things around- like a whole new room–pay more attention to new things. But, like what is familiar, excited for change
Integration with, vs separation from a social network (large group of friends before relationship, smaller group)
how frequent is conflict
dating couples 2.3 conflicts per week
spouses 1-2 unpleasant disagreements each month
personality and attachment styles cause people to experience more conflicts than others
4 FACTORS
SIMILARITY - less similar- more conflict
SLEEP- grumpy and irritable- more conflict
STAGE OF LIFE- younger couples more conflicts
ALCOHOL
- intoxication exacerbates conflict
what are the four events cause the most conflict
CRITISICM
ILLEGITIMATE DEMANDS
- Partner wants you to do the dishes after your long day at work even though they done nothing all day
REBUFFS
- when you say no to a request
CUMULATIVE ANNOYANCES
- social allergies- small nuisances gradually come to cause string reactions of disgust and are out of proportion to the offence
attributional conflict
- actor/observer effect: partner slightly different explanations for their actions than anyone else does
-self serving bias: lead to judge their actions more favourablly than others
- recognize partner come from different point of view
-Attributional conflict
Fighting over who perspective is right vs wrong
Disagree about intentions “you did this to annoy me”
negative affect reciprocity. howe to get out of it
conflict becomes more contentious, trading escalating provocations back and forth
Remain optimistic
Value partners outcomes as well as your own
Focus on what you can do differently to improve things
Consider what a neutral third party would think
Take a break
emotional flooding - overwhelmed by strong emotion, unable to think straight
the course of conflict. four factors
voice - working to improve the situation
Loyalty- passively waiting and hoping things to get better
Exit- active but destructive responses such as leaving the partner
neglect - passively allowing things to get worse
four types of conflict
Volatile - frequent and passionate arguments, temper their fights with plenty of wit and evident fondness for each other (very passionate in arguing and very oassiante in love)
Validators - fight more polite and calmly, behaving more like collaborators
Avoiders - rarely argue, avoid confrontation, often just try to fix problems on their own
Hostels - nasty fights, more fragile relationship
All styles can work- each case the positive elements of the interaction substantially outnumber the frustrating costs
ending conflict (5 ways)
Separation
- withdrawal without resolving conflict
Domination
- one partner gets their way when other capitulates
compromise
- both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be reached
Integrative agreements
- satisfy both partners original goals and aspirations, creativity and flexibility
Structural improvement- partners get their way, make desirable changes to their relationship
5 min problem, five week problem, 5 month problem (gives you perspective)
What can YOU do differently, your the only person you can control
