connection Flashcards
seven components of intimacy
- knowledge
- interdependence (strong influences on each other)
- caring
- trust
- responsiveness (support each others needs)
- mutuality (think as a couple instead of two separate people)
- commitment (not looking for someone else, work hard to make it work with partner)
all of these are not required- lead to most satisfying and meaningful relationships include all 7
importance of connection
- very social species
suffer when isolated from close contact with others - Shorten lifespan when loneliness
- Fail to thrive, when deprived of close contact with others
- Babies can give up the will to live
- need intimate the relationships
-being alone threatens our sense of connection to people
how did culture influence relationships
- fewer people marrying
-getting married at a later age 28-30 (live longer now)
-many live together and have babies when not yet married
-1/2 marriages end in a divorce
single- a lot of discrimination, but marriage is a choice, many have active social lives and supportive friends that fulfill their social desire, closer relationship to family and friends
trail run
- desirable to live together to test their compatility
- causes fewer people to get married
- longer they cohabit less enthusiastic about marriage
how times have changed
- economic influence’s
-technology
-sex ratio
- education and financial resources allow woman to be more independent and less likely to marry
-individualism- emphasis on personal fulfillment, cause people to be more materialistic and less considerate of others
- woman have more control over fertility (plan b, birth control etc.)
-sex ratio- cultures with high sex ratio (fewer woman) tend to support traditional roles for the genders,
how does our experiences influence our attachment style
- shaped by many influences
-attachment styles can be learned and developed over time by different experiences. ex. bad break up- more trust issues
-levels of expectance or rejection we receive from our parents are huge influences early on
—-secure parents raise secure children
—-not reliable raise insecure children- inconstant- child becomes nervous and clingy (preoccupied)
— child very independent- realize little good comes from others
(dismissive- avoidance)
— avoid intimacy- fear of rejection (fearful- avoidance) (bad relationship in the past- afraid to get hurt again)
what are the four attachment styles? and explain
secure
- happy and comfortable with intimacy
anxious/ambient (preoccupied)
-nervous and clingy
-care was inconstant and unpredictable
-unsure if parent would come back cause child to be nervous and clingy
- suspicious and withdrawn
- child learned that little good came from depending on others
-suspicious, not easily formed close relationships
fearful- avoid intimacy and fear of rejection (avoidance)
dismissing
- intimacy with others wasn’t worth the trouble (self sufficient- don’t care if others like them or not)
(avoidance)
four attachment styles
secure
- comfortable with intimacy and interdependence, optimistic and sociable
preoccupied
- uneasy and vigilant towards any threat to the relationship, needy and jealous
fearful
- fear of rejection and of mistrust of others, suspicious and shy
dismissing
-self- reliant and uninterested in intimacy
-indifferent and independent
influence of individual differences
sex and gender
sex differenece
-stereotype that woman and men communicate, feel, and respond differently
- research shows there are very few differences, they overlap throughly
the differences are within a given gender, large spectrum, how woman act vary significantly
gender difference
social and psychological distinction-
what is the interdependence
theory
evaluate the outcomes we receive with two criteria
- what we expect from a relationship
- how well we think we can do with other partners
what do we expect from our relationship? alternatives?
personal comparison level (CL)
- describes what we expect and feel we deserve
outcomes- CL = satisfaction or dissatisfaction
CL alt - describes the outcome we think we can get somewhere else
what does it mean to be androgynous
Androgynous - poses both sets of competencies that are stereotypically associated with being male and female. Comfortable in both domains
“Masculine” task oriented- assertive, self-reliant, ambitious (instrumental)
“Feminine” social and emotional skills- warmth, tenderness, sensitive, compassionate (expressive)
two androgynous people- happier, evenly split house roles understand each other better
influence on gender roles- are bad, teach men not to have emotion, less meanful relationships that way
need to look past gender- court hearings etc. more commonly given custody of child simply because woman ‘emotional” sterotypes
self esteem/ what measures our success in a relationship
- low self asteem
-wonder why their partner is with them
- feels they are not good enough for their partner
- put yourself in a bubble to brace for impact before you get hurt
sociometer- measures success in a relationship
what is the difference with paternal investment/ patronal uncertainty
androgynous and cisgender meaning?
cis gender- current identities with the sex we were assigned to at birth
androgynous
- comfortable with both competencies assigned with being female or male (gender stereotypes, comfortable with both)
happy or stable
happy if our expectations are exceted
stable if we don’t think we will find anything better
direct vs indirect rewards
direct- looks, money, gifts,
indirect- having something in common
- affection goals and desires
what is instrumentally
help us achieve our present goals, company is pleasurable, help with our need to belong
reasons for attraction
proximity
familiarity- repeated contact/ exposure
physical attractiveness
- like those who like us
- symmetrical face
physical attraction (beauty bias)
- think they have more positive traits when pretty
cost of beauty-
less trusting (worried about being used)
more sought out (less stable)
principle of matching- similar level of good looking
describe the four types of relationship s
on iPad
how non verbal communication effects relationship
provides information about others mood
regulating interaction
- if the conversation should continue
- wether or not the conversation should begin
define the relationship
- act different depending how close you feel with the other
balance theory
we like people who like us, do not like who does like us
- constancy and symmetry in relationship
who are we attracted too
- discovering dis similarities take time
- similar looks/ attitudes, interests and more
(what we think we have in common)
-
Psychological reactance-
- lose their freedom they strive to regain it
-want something more if they are more threatened with losing them
what are the gender role stereotypes? why are they doing a diservice?
masculine (instrumental- task oriented, assertive, self reliant)
feminine (social and emotional skills, warmth, tenderness, sensitive) expressive
androgynous- have both sets. of qualities associated being female/male
- depriving men of skills that would make them a more rewarding husband, taking away the ability to connect with others- want more sensitive, and understanding partners
- in courts stereotypically woman get custody of child because they supposed to be the “comforting, caring and nurturing one”
woman deprived more achievements “say not qualified”
- androgynous people get along better- able to both have those traits
main conduction for intimacy model
responsiveness
listen and fulfill your partners needs
which is more fullfilling exchange or communal relationships
exchange- immediate repayment for gifts given, keep track of others contributions
communal
- do each other favours without expecting explicit repayment
how does social exchange as time goes by
cl- personal comparison level
describes what we feel we deserve
take for granted, become less satisfying
based of past experiences, fluctuate with the outcomes we receive
