Distance Regulation Flashcards
What is tolerance for individuality?
Being your own person, having your own goal. When you have high tolerance for individuality, you have more focus on your personal goal achievement.
What is tolerance for intimacy?
Being affectionate and close with family members. When you have high tolerance for intimacy, you spend more time and put more effort to your family and family relationships.
What does having healthy distance regulations for a family mean?
A result of promoting individual skills and goals while maintaining closeness and intimacy in the family.
・Executive subsystem is often really strong to drive distance regulation (ほとんどの場合、親)
個人の目標と家族の絆を同時に強められるような活動を計画する。
What is enmeshment?
What would happen when a family has enmeshment in their relationships?
A lack of tolerance for individuality.
When a family is enmeshed, the efforts to be your own person are met:
・with hostility
・as if they represent disloyalty to the family
・psychological control
・dependency (we can’t do any substantial. Everyone should be there!)
What is connectedness?
The amount of connection (emotional, physically, cognitively) that we feel with other members of our family system.
The strength of the family bond
What is differentiation?
our ability to be different and unique in a family system.
The space families give us.
What is psychological boundaries?
the personal boundary (bubble) around ourselves
How physically or emotional close do we let other people get?
What would happen with psychological boundaries when a family is enmeshed?
In enmeshed families, personal boundaries become highly permeable and family boundaries become rigid.
Why do many families struggle with breaking enmeshment?
Because enmeshed families often see enmeshment as strength. (we are awesome!)
It is hard to find consensus regarding breaking unhealthy cycles. (looks pretty healthy)
What are two parts to be repaired to break out of the enmeshment?
☆Personal Enmeshment (internal fusion): blurring of me/you boundary
・Difficulty with separating emotion with cognition
・Personal exercises that promote healthy boundaries – keeping information; personal timeouts
・Getting distance – “Can’t see it until you’re out of it”
☆Family Enmeshment – breaking the family cycles
・Open communication – family goal = breaking enmeshment
・Not jumping out of the fire and into the oven – avoiding lack of cohesion (it often go far opposite, so it’s always crucial to remember the balance)
