Communication in Families Flashcards
What are overt messages?
・What we say: we tend to focus on the overt messages of communication
・Explicit messages
・Communication content
What are covert messages?
Examples?
・Intent messages
・The portion left unspoken
☆decoding is mostly associated with covert messages.
例）
・Nonverbal communication, such as facial expression, eye contacts, gestures/body movement, spatial behavior, body contact, sigh/grunts, and posture.
・Hidden meanings behinds spoken words.
・Almost everything around us.
How is communication linked to symbols?
Both of them are based on our perceptions in seeking, meaning, and decoding.
Give the definition for healthy communication.
Seeking meaning
Seeking clarification
Seeking congruence (lining up what the other saying as decoding)
What are the aspects of healthy communication?
Seeking meaning:
・Listening, focusing on understanding the other person, not thinking about a response or rebuttal
・Don’t do continuous partial attention (何かやりながら一部だけ聞くこと) .
！Hidden anxiety (hearing others with the concern I would lose the argument).
Seeking Clarification:
・Ask for help. Ask about unclear messages
・Active listening (ask Qs, ask for examples)
! Hidden anxiety (fear of incompetence)
Seeking congruence (mixed messages): 話す側
・Lining up the covert and overt messages
! Hidden anxiety (saying what’s written on our face)
言っていることとcovertで伝えていることがきちんと繋がるように気をつける
What is competitive communication?
To use communication to win an argument or appear dominant (I matter more than you!), showing power differential
・interrupting
・more common among men
What is controlling communication?
To use communication to attempt to change someone
・very common in romantic and parenting relationships
・threats, bullying, criticism
穏やかに話していても起きることはある。
What is sentiment override?
Examples?
When our feelings or perceptions regarding the relationship influence our perception of communication messages.
例）
Negative override: when negative perceptions of a person or relationship push us to assume the worst about our partner.
Positive override: when positive perceptions of a person or relationship push us to assume the best about our partner
Gottman’s Four Horsemen with examples
Criticism: Blaming your partner; “you always” “you never”
Often context specific
Contempt: Verbal or non-verbal communication that attempts to put your partner below you.
Partner specific – “You never pay the bills” vs. “You didn’t pay the bill? You make me sick! You’re such an idiot”
Defensiveness: Defending yourself in the face of a perceived attack
Takes focus away from partner (loss of decoding) and puts it on yourself.
Triggered by criticism and contempt – pattern of attack and then seek cover
(相手が何を言っても言わなくても、自分を守るように反応をとる）
Stonewalling: Withdrawing from interaction
Anxiety = communication ends
Partners assume a negative interaction
Often signals the end of a relationship
(I don’t want to have interaction with you)
What is metacommunication?
Communication about communication
What is true about self-disclosure in different genders?
Females disclose more than males and females receive more disclosures than men do.
Explain different types of listening.
Recognize the best way of listening.
Persuasive Listening: hardly listening at all. Looking for an opening to jump in and control the direction of the conversation.
Directive Listening: involves less control than persuasive listening, but it does attempt to channel, or direct, the conversation. (by using controlling questions, etc). Crucial elements of the story may be lost.
Attentive Listening: Listener simply lets the speaker tell the story spontaneously and without interruption, encouraging rather than directing the teller. (more time consuming, but more efficient than other ways)
Explain different types of communication.
Assertive communication: involves the expression of thoughts, feelings, and desires as one’s right as an individual. (self-expressiveなので、よくI, meというpersonal pronounが使われる). Associated with feelings of self-esteem, self-confidence, and determination to express opinions or feelings. 自分にも相手にも、ありのままである状況を提供できる。
Passive communication: is characterized by an unwillingness to say what one thinks, feels, or wants. Associated with feelings of anxiety about others’ opinions. 他の人の気持ちを気にしすぎて、自分の考えや意見が言えない。
Aggressive communication: aims to hurt or put down another person and to protect the self-esteem of the aggressor. Characterized by blame and accusation, and it is associated with intense, angry feelings and thoughts.
自分は正しいことをしているという自信を保つために、問題が起こった場合は、それを正すことが相手の責任であるとする。
Explain positive communication cycle.
Assertiveness: a person’s ability to express her or his feelings and desires to a partner.
Self-confidence: a measure of how a person feels about herself or himself and the ability to control things in her or his life.
Explain negative communication cycle.
Avoidance: a person’s tendency to minimize issues and a reluctance to deal with issues directly.
Partner dominance: the degree to which a person feels her or his partner tries to be controlling and dominant in their relationship.
