Come Back Right Flashcards
Any second, any second…come on…yes!
Sit up. Easy, easy.
Fight the rigor mortis. Trust the elasticity.
It’s real. You’re real. You’re alive!
Where am I?
You’re back. I know it’s kind of shocking. I’ll give you a sec.
I feel… why do I feel like this?
Take a few deep breaths. Your body’s been through a lot.
I’m dizzy.
Are you thirsty? I can get you some water. Or tea? I might have coffee. Or…hmm, you
know what? To be safe, let’s stick to water for now. There’s a—
My stomach feels— (doubles over, grabbing her gut,
then recovers)
Whoa, whoa. You’re alright. I’ve got you. I thought we were about to have an Alien
moment there for a second. You know—
No, not Alien.
Hopefully not The Exorcist, right? You know, blagrgggghhhhhhhh. But if you think you might, I can grab a bowl, or…
I was thinking Night of the Living Dead.
Ha! Clever. Because you were dead, and now you’re living? And it is night. Well, evening.
Must be about dinnertime, right? I’m famished. (A beat, then THE BODY strikes.)
Sit up. Easy, easy.
Fight the rigor mortis. Trust the elasticity.
It’s real. You’re real. You’re alive!
Where am I?
You’re back. I know it’s kind of shocking. I’ll give you a sec.
Like hell, you’ll “give me a sec!” I can’t fucking believe this.
What?
“What?” Really?! You are so fucking presumptuous.
I’m sorry. Did I—?
You’re sorry? You are always doing shit like this.
I am always bringing you back from the dead?
You don’t think. I swear, you’re the smartest imbecile I’ve ever met. This is so—
What?
It’s just really gay. Like, stereotypically, the gayest.
You’re mad because it’s…
Actually, no. Considering bringing your girlfriend back from the dead is gay. Actually doing it is completely fucking homophobic. You realize you just ruined my entire life because you didn’t want to be alone? You’re a selfish asshole. Period.
I ruined your—? I gave you back your entire life!
Great. Now, how about you give me a social security number, huh? Oh, wait. You can’t. Because I was dead, and you were presumptuous, and now I’m legally a non-entity.
There’s got to be a form. Some kind of government form.
Right. The “accidentally declared dead” form. The “just kidding about the funeral” form. The “my girlfriend was so preoccupied with whether or not she could…” form.
You’re just grumpy. You just woke up. Let’s get you a bite to eat, and then—
You have to kill me.
I think I have a granola bar in my bag. How about let’s do that instead?
You messed up. It happens. Own up to it. Come on.
I’m not going to smother you. And I won’t watch you die just because you woke up and decided it’s the only solution. Can we think about this? Give it another five minutes?
We’ve both seen this movie, sweetheart. We’ve seen all the movies. You know that if you
don’t do it, I’ll do it.
Don’t do this right now.
I will do it. You know I will.
I love you. Loved you? I don’t—
Oh. yeah? Prove it.