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CMN 120 Exam 2 > CMN EXAM 3 > Flashcards

CMN EXAM 3 Flashcards

1
Q

Secrets:

Hyperaccessibility

A

People often try to suppress which results in rumination or obsessive thinking about it

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2
Q

Secrets:

The rebound effect

A

Can forget for a while until some stimulus brings it back to mind

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3
Q

Secrets:

Fever model of self-disclosure

A

Pressure builds and the secret gets blurted out (most common with cases of infidelity)

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4
Q

Secrets:

Split loyalty pattern

A

Secret keepers often put in a bind of having to choose between a loyal to other secret holders and being loyal to friends of family who may be hurt not knowing the secret

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5
Q

Secrets:

What are the two questions you should ask yourself before revealing a secret

A

Kelly and Mckillop recommended the following:

  • Is the secret troubling? (ruminations or anxiety, physical consequences, etc.)
  • Is an appropriate confidant available? (Discreet, nonjudgmental, can help)

If the answer is no, to either of the questions, then do not reveal. If yes, do reveal

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6
Q

Deception:

What are the motives for deception and which ones are viewed to be more or less acceptable?

A

Partner-focused: used to avoid hurting the partner, helping the partner maintain his or her self-esteem, avoid worrying the partner, and protecting the partners relationships with a third party (often viewed as socially polite and relationally beneficial)

Self-focused: used to enhance or protect their self-image, or wanting to shield themselves from anger, embarrassment, criticism, or other types of harm (often viewed as much more serios transgression because of the selfish motivation)

Relationship-focused: used to limit relational harm by avoiding conflict, relational trauma, or other unpleasant experiences. (can be viewed as beneficial and destructive)

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7
Q

Deception:

What makes deception difficult to detect?

A
  • Detecting deception is difficult because there are no completely reliable indicators of deception
  • Although deception is often accompanied by behaviors such as speech hesitations and body shifts, these behaviors can indicate general anxiety, shyness, or discomfort, in addition to deception
  • Also stereotypic behavior such as eye behavior are often controlled during deception
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8
Q

Deception:

What is the best indicator of deception?

A

When someone is acting different than they normally do

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9
Q

Deception:

Truth bias

A

Truth bias: people expect others to be honest so they enter conversations without suspicion and do not look for deceptive behavior. Truth biases are especially strong within close relationships and with people whom we like

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10
Q

Deception:

Informational familiarity

A

Informational familiarity: you know certain information about your relational partner, so your partner can’t lie to you about that information

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11
Q

Deception:

Behavioral familiarity

A

Behavioral familiarity: those in close relationships have knowledge of partners typical communication style

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12
Q

Deception:

Behavioral control

A

Behavior control: people try to control their nervous or guilty behaviors to appear friendly and truthful. This is even more true in closer relationships where people have more to lose if discovered

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13
Q

Deception:

How does the deceiver’s motivation to not caught influence their behavior?

A

The higher the motivation to not get caught, enables us to control our behaviors even more
People who really don’t want to get caught are better at deceiving

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14
Q

Deception:

When (and to whom) are people more likely to deceive?

A

-When people uncover a significant deception, they usually feel a host of negative
emotions, including anxiety, anger, and distress.
–People who use deception frequently in their relationships report lower levels of
commitment, intimacy, and closeness.
–Similarly, when people perceive their partners as dishonest, they report less
relational satisfaction and commitment

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15
Q

Hurtful messages

Which messages are most hurtful?

A

Those that express devaluation

-You hear it and get the sense that the person does not value you

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16
Q

Conflict:

What is the definition of conflict?

A

A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals

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17
Q

Conflict:

The “Four I’s”

A

Interdependence: (the breeding ground) when you rely on another person

Incompatible goals

Inevitability: (hamiltons add) conflict is inevitable) the goal is not to prevent conflict because two individuals are not always going to agree

Interaction: (through interaction the conflict manifests, they perceive they have incompatible goals

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18
Q

Conflict:

What ages of the children are parents and children most likely to engage in conflict

A

Most conflict is at 2 years old

next is adolescence

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19
Q

Conflict:

6 conflict styles and the two variables which they are based

A

two variables: Direct/Indirect vs. Cooperative/Uncooperative

  1. Competitive (direct, uncooperative)
  2. Compromise
  3. Collaborate (direct, cooperative)
  4. Indirect fighting
  5. Avoiding (indirect, non cooperative)
  6. Yielding (indirect, cooperative??)
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20
Q

Conflict:

Define contempt

A

the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn

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21
Q

Conflict:

Define stonewalling

A

delay or block (a request, process, or person) by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies

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22
Q

Conflict:

Define chilling effect

A

a situation where a speech or conduct is suppressed by fear of penalization at the interests of an individual group

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23
Q

Conflict:

Define defensiveness

A

behavior to defend or protect

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24
Q

Conflict:

Define complaints

A

a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable

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25
Q

Conflict:

Define meta complaints

A

someone complaining about a complaint

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26
Q

Conflict:

Empty threats

A

a threat that is devoid of worth or meaning, one that cannot or was never intended to be carried out

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27
Q

Conflict:

Button pushing

A

Deliberately irritate

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28
Q

Conflict:

Gunnysacking

A

a metaphor used in conflict resolution, which involves the act of “storing up” grievances acquired in the course of a relationship, rather than resolve them when they first occurred

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29
Q

Conflict:

Kitchen sinking

A

the act of verbally bringing up past grievances during the process or trying to resolve some present problem in the relationship

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30
Q

Conflict:

emotional flooding

A

form of psychotherapy that involves attacking the unconscious and/or subconscious to release repressed feelings and fears

31
Q

Conflict:

communication skills deficits

A

difficulty using spoken language and gestures, inability to initiate and sustain appropriate conversation and use of inappropriate, repetitive language

32
Q

Conflict:

argumentativeness

A

fond of or given to argument and dispute

33
Q

Conflict:

Aggression

A

hostile or violent behavior or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront

34
Q

Conflict:

Three most negative conflict patterns

A
  1. Demand-Withdraw
  2. Negative reciprocity
  3. The four horsemen
35
Q

Conflict:

What is demand-withdraw

A

Someone demands causing the other to withdraw

  • Female demanding and male withdrawing
  • Happens because relationship orientation (females are more relational, wanting to perfect the relationship)
36
Q

Conflict:

What is negative reciprocity

A

back and forth engagement in negative conflict behaviors; hurtful messages

  • Some sort of attack, hurtful messages
  • Not nipping the negative energy in the butt early, once you hear something hurtful you throw it back
37
Q

Conflict:

What is the four horsemen?

A

(predicting divorce)
1. Criticism/complaints (criticism is the top of conflicts in relationships)
types of complaints: behavior, personal characteristics, performance, personal appearance, meta-complaints

  1. Defensiveness
  2. Contempt/disgust
  3. Stonewalling
38
Q

Conflicts:

what is the best way to avoid engaging in harmful messages and other negative conflict patterns?

A

Taking time away from each other to calm down, many people say things they dont mean when they are emotionally flooded so calming down reduces the impulse to fight

39
Q

Conflict:

What does the accommodation principle suggest we should do and what is the result if we are able to do it?

A
  1. we have the tendency to retaliate when our partner engages in destructive behavior
  2. accommodation occurs when people are able to overcome this initial tendency and engage in cooperative rather than uncooperative communication to maintain their relationships
  3. couples in satisfying committed relationships are more likely to engage in accommodation than couples in uncommitted or dissatisfying relationships

WHEN PEOPLE ACCOMMODATE SUCCESSFULLY THIS TYPICALLY PROMPTS THE PATTERN OF POSITIVE RECIPROCITY

40
Q

Conflicts:

What is an attribution

A

attributions are a perceptual process of assigning reasons or causes to another’s behavior
people are especially likely to make attributions about negative behavior

41
Q

Conflicts:

what are different types of attributions

A
  1. people attribute to a persons behavior to personal vs situational causes
  2. people make attributions about behavior being stable vs unstable
    a. is the behavior common and predictable or unusual
  3. people make attributions about how global vs specific the cause of the behavior is
    a. the more global the cause is, the more behaviors it refers to
42
Q

Conflicts:

which attributes lead to cooperative or uncooperative behaviors

A
  • when people make personal, stable, and global attributions of their partners behavior, they are most likely going to use competitive conflict strategies
  • conversely, if situational, unstable, and specific attributions are made, cooperative strategies are more likely to be used
  • one of the most disruptive ways to communicate in arguments is to go in attributional arguments and meta attributional arguments. these kinds of exchanges take away from the true issue at hand and make constructive argumentativeness impossible
43
Q

Conflicts:

What are attributional arguments?

A

still finding answer

*******

44
Q

Conflicts:

What are meta-attributional arguments

A

ex. arguing and bringing in many attributes (your mom sucks, youre spoiled, etc.)

45
Q

Conflicts:

How to avoid attributional arguments

A

focus on behavior complaint

46
Q

Conflicts:

Potentially positive outcomes of conflict

A
  • it can be destructive or constructive
  • constructive: solves problems, develops mutual empathy, reinforces commitment, increases satisfaction
  • the way partners handle it is a better predictor of relational satisfaction than is the experience of conflict itself

managing conflict constructively is good for having longterm satisfying relationships

47
Q

Ending relationships:

General pathways to relational endings

A
  1. Individual choice
  2. Atrophy
  3. Separation
  4. Death
48
Q

Ending relationships:

(General Pathways) Define Individual choice

A

(bilateral breakups are very rare, “it takes two people to develop a relationship but only one to end it”) Wives initiate divorce in 2/3s of the marriages

49
Q

Ending relationships:

(General Pathways) Define Atrophy

A

(“withering away” usually occurs in friendships rather than romantic relationships)

50
Q

Ending relationships:

(General Pathways) Define Separation

A

Because geographical closeness and repeated interaction lead to liking and intimacy, separation has the opposite effect

51
Q

Ending relationships:

(General Pathways) Define Death

A

Widows out number widowers 10 to 1, have a strong social network is the best source of comfort and support for the bereaved

52
Q

Ending relationships:

Ducks model of relational dissolution

A 
Breakdown: Relationship dissatisfaction
Threshold: "I cant stand this anymore"
Phase 1: the intrapsychic phase
Threshold: "ill be justified in withdrawing"
Phase 2: the dyadic phase
Threshold: "I mean it"
Phase 3: the social phase
Threshold: "now its inevitable"
Phase 4: the grave-dressing phase (emotional repair and relational realignment must occur)
53
Q

Ending relationships:

Knapps 5 stages of pulling apart

A
  1. Differentiating: emphasizing differences
  2. Circumscribing: withholding self-disclosures; losing connection, distancing
  3. Stagnating: communication becomes tense and awkward, and is seen as unproductive and unpleasant (“whats the point?”) some couples who reach this stage find ways to revive it, others give up and hope to move to the next stage
  4. Avoiding: Physical separation by actually moving away or by creating schedules with minimal overlapping time the goal is to achieve as much physical and psychological distance as possible
  5. Terminating: end contact and proclaim that the relationship is over (at least in the romantic way)
54
Q

Ending relationships:

What is the Catastrophe theory

A
  • this theory says that critics of stage models believe that stage are artificial conceptualizations that fail to capture the actual nature of relational dissolution
  • many relationships odo not go through stagnation and just go to avoiding and termination
  • this model suggests that relationships do not gradually unwind, but instead are characterized by “sudden death”
  • there are always sign of impending relational catastrophe but often people fail to see them or deny them
  • this theory says that events are discontinuous rather than following linear patterns
55
Q

Ending relationships:

Criticism of theories

A
  • the step models criticisms is that relationships ending may not always go through every stage, or in that given order
  • another steps criticism is that it implies that the steps are conscious
  • criticism of catastrophe theory is that the relationship has a sudden death which form most peoples experience especially romantic relationships, do not normally end like this
56
Q

Ending relationships:

strategies that are unilateral and indirect

A
  1. avoidance
  2. relational ruses
  3. withdrawal of supportiveness and affection
  4. pseudo-de-escalation
  5. cost escalation
57
Q

Ending relationships:

define indirect strategy AVOIDANCE

A

THE MOST COMMON

difficult to experience closure
least effective
most distressing

58
Q

Ending relationships:

define indirect strategy RELATIONAL RUSES

A

MANIPULATIVE AND UNETHICAL

using third parties to help end it

59
Q

Ending relationships:

define indirect strategy WITHDRAWAL OF SUPPORTIVENESS AND AFFECTION

A

VERY COMMON

distancing on all key ways of expression and affection

60
Q

Ending relationships:

define indirect strategy PSEUDO-DE-ESCALATION

A

FALSE DECLARATION OF THE OTHER PARTY THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD PROFIT SOME DISTANCE

the intent is often to let the other down easily

often results in false hope when the intent from the beginning was to end the relationship

61
Q

Ending relationships:

define indirect strategy COST ESCALATION

A

MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP UNATTRACTIVE TO ONES PARTNER

“i thought id be an asshole for a while to make her like me less”

Also very common,
can be beneficial if the dumped actually grows a dislike to the other

62
Q

Ending relationships:

strategies that are unilateral and direct

A
  1. the direct dump
  2. dates with other people
  3. justification
  4. the relationship talk trick
  5. threats and bullying
  6. positive tone
  7. de-escalation
63
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy THE DIRECT DUMP

A

“THE OPEN HONEST APPROACH”

typically gives the partner no choice and little chance for response

disconcerting to be told suddenly that the relationship is over and theres nothing that can be done about it

64
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy DATES WITH OTHER PEOPLE

A

when the disengager recommends that both parties date other people

this strategy is correct but the underlying message is less clear

65
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy JUSTIFICATION

A

this strategy includes explanations for why the relationship is ending and why

unlike the direct dump this acknowledges the need to provide some rationale

it is an attempt to protect the face of both partners

  • used when the the disengage feels that the rejected partner has many faults
  • focusing too much on the dumpees fault can hurt self esteem
  • autonomy is common here; “right now i only have time for school”
66
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy THE RELATIONSHIP TALK TRICK

A

when the breakup initiator intentionally structures a relational talk

showing that the partners are better off going separate ways

67
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy THREATS AND BULLYING

A

used often when partner refuses to allow breakup

kind of cost-escalation has very negative impact and hurts the chances of remaining friends

68
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy POSITIVE TONE

A

used as a way to make the other feel better about the breakup

“its nobody’s fault; it just wasnt meant to be”

“you deserve someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved”

apologies and compliments are a part of this approach

69
Q

Ending relationships:

define direct strategy DE-ESCALATION

A

honest attempt to improve the relationship by de-escalating

70
Q

Ending relationships:

What strategies are bilateral and direct

A

The blame game: begins with cycles of negativity, blaming and taking no responsibility, sometimes provides “good reasons” for leaving but its the messier of the options

The negotiated farewell: this is typically use by couples who have been together a long time but realize that problems cannot be resolved and that they would be better off if they parted
LEAST DISTRESSING WAY TO END A RELATIONSHIP
(trying to leave the relationship well rather than a sore note)

71
Q

Ending relationships:

Strategy that is bilateral and indirect

A

The fadeaway: gradually drifting apart and lose contact, words may not be necessary to end the relationship because the couple simply senses that its over there is no dramatic incident just a slow gradual decent
VERY COMMON WITH FRIENDS AND LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

72
Q

Ending relationships:

What are the positive outcomes of relational termination

A
  • increase happiness
  • relief to be out of a bad or dangerous relationship
  • sometimes a breakup can provide relief from relational ambiguity or conflict
  • not infrequently, a person moves on to a more satisfying relationship (but it is recommended that any new relationships evolve slowly and naturally)
  • personal growth was the most commonly cited positive outcome
  • personal positives, such as increased self confidence and handling life on your own
  • relational positives, having learned how to communicate in a relationship and the importance of not jumping too quickly
  • environmental positives, such as concentrating more on school or work or relying on friendship networks more
  • future positives, such as knowing what you want in a relationship now
73
Q

Ending relationships:

what makes them hard to get over?

A
  • negative emotions: there is very little pain of a long-term personal relationship that is falling apart (duck 1988 “people experience depression, anger, hurt, guilt, confusion, and frustration)
  • loneliness: loneliness can be a motivation for breaking off the relationship people are often lonely when the relationship is dissatisfying
  • financial consequences: can result in financial disaster: splitting savings and assets, costs of dual residences, paying lawyers, etc
  • effects on children (see textbook)
  • health consequences: lots of physical and emotional health issues due to stress that depression
74
Q

Ending relationships:

what is relational re-definition?

A
  • some romantic relationships can switch from romantic to friendship (if there is a great deal of mutual respect)
  • gay and lesbian couple report a higher level of satisfaction with their former partners, whereas heterosexuals report only moderate satisfaction and closeness
  • research shows that even 10 years after divorce half of all divorced couples report contact with their former spouse, likely if they have children together, had a longer marriage, held more liberal social values
  • some former spouses describe their post-divorce friendships as perfect pals, this is true for former spouses with children as well as without them

CMN 120 Exam 2 (4 decks)

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