CMN exam 2 Flashcards

1
Q

Marston & Hecht “How do you communicate love to your partner”?

A
  1. Saying I love you
  2. Doing special things
  3. Being supportive
  4. Physical touch
  5. Simply just being together
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2
Q

Lee’s Love Styles

A

Physical Love- Love the feeling of being in love, will have partner after partner

Companionate Love- Committed love, usually starts from friendship

Game-Playing Love- Not as committed, often in for hookups

Possessive Love- Emotionally dependent and need constant reminders (jealousy)

Unselfish Love- Take yo0u as you are, very high levels of relationship satisfaction

Practical Love- Place high importance on whether or not their potential mate will fulfill their needs

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3
Q

Sternbergs Triangular theory of love (primary and types)

A

Primary:

  1. Intimacy (warm)
  2. Passion (hot)
  3. Commitment (cool)

Types:

  1. Nonlove- none of the above
  2. Liking- intimacy
  3. Infatuation- passion
  4. Empty love- commitment
  5. Romantic Love- intimacy & passion
  6. Friendship love- intimacy and commitment
  7. Fatuous love- passion & commitment
  8. Consummate love- all three
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4
Q

Characteristics of an intimate relationship, what makes it that way?

A

Characteristics:

  • Warmth
  • Trust
  • Deep Friendship

Intimate encounters have an extra quality than just every day interactions between strangers

Intimacy is experienced throug SHARED KNOWLEDGE 
which is gained through:
-Self Disclosure 
-Spending time together
-Observing one anothers behavior

enhanced when one feels understood and valued

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5
Q

Intimate experience

A

Affectionate emotion and shared knowledge and understanding

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6
Q

Intimate expression

A

Positive involvement and self-disclosure

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7
Q

Verbal ways people express intimacy

A

Self-disclosure

Verbal responsiveness (listening in an engaging matter)

Relationship talk (communication about feelings)

Relational language (nicknames, pet names, inside joke)

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8
Q

Attachment theory

A
  • Social development approach (interaction with others affects peoples attachment styles across life span)
  • Children develop attachment dependent on their caregivers
  • Develop a sense of independence rooted in security
  • Finally, self sufficient when necessary, also having to provide care and support for another adult in a love relationship that functions as a partnership

Individuals develop attachment styles that are relatively coherent and stable patterns of emotion and behavior that are exhibited in close relationships

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9
Q

Bartholomew’s Four Attachment Styles

A

Secure- the pro-social style (im okay, you’re okay)
Self sufficient
Comfortable with intimacy
Wants interdependent relationships

Preoccupied- emotional style (Im not okay, youre okay)
Overly involved and dependent
Wants excessive intimacy
Clings to relationships

Fearful- hesitant style (im not okay youre not okay)
Wants approval from others
Fearful of intimacy
Sees relationships as painful fear rejection

Dismissive- detached style (Im okay, youre not okay)
Counter dependent
Uncomfortable with intimacy
Sees relationships as non-essential

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10
Q

What is relational maintenance

A

Involves keeping a relationship:

  • In existence
  • Specified state or condition; stable; status quo
  • in satisfactory condition
  • in repair
  • a desired level
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11
Q

What is cruise control? what are the two perspectives on it?

A

Cruise control is not having to maintain a relationship once you have been together for a while

Centrifugal perspective: people must work actively to maintain their relationships of else they will deteriorate.

Centripetal perspective: People in close committed relationships stay together unless something pulls them apart. According to this view, you basically stay in cruise control, relaxing until an outside force effects it.

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12
Q

Scholars view on cruise control

A

Most scholars say that highly committed relationships do run on cruise some of the time, but periodic maintenance is necessary to keep them healthy

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13
Q

Relational maintenance behaviors

A
  1. Openness and routine talk: talking and listening
  2. Positivity: making interactions pleasant
  3. Assurances: Assuring each other you still care
  4. Supportiveness: giving support
  5. Joint activities: engaging in activities together
  6. Task sharing: performing tasks relevant to the relationship together (chores)
  7. Romance and affection
  8. Social Networking: spending time with each others family/friends
  9. Mediated communication: using technology to stay in touch when apart
  10. Avoidance: Respecting each others privacy and time with friends without you
  11. Antisocial: making partner jealous
  12. Conflict management: managing conflicts in ways that promote problem solving
  13. Humor: inside jokes, sarcasm
  14. Balance: keeping the relationship fair, putting similar levels of effort in
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14
Q

Challenges associated with cross-sex platonic realtionships

A

Emotional bond: uncertainty as to whether one of the friends has romantic feelings toward the other
Sexual challenge: tend to see each other as potential sex partners
Public presentation: outsiders wondering if there is something going on between the two, also true for same sex friendships

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15
Q

Rank ordered reasons why people want their cross-sex friendships to remain platonic

A
  1. safeguard the relationships
  2. not attracted to their friend
  3. network disapproval
  4. one is in a relationship with someone else
  5. risk aversion (arousing feelings of dislike)
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16
Q

Long distance relationships main points

A
  • Increasing due to pursuing higher education, dual professional careers, immigrating from other countries
  • College student population for LDR is 25%-40%
  • LDR cannot show nonverbal affection
  • Many studies see them as happier or more in love with their partners when LD
17
Q

Reasons for high satisfaction in LDR

A
  • Mediated communication keeps you in contact, also making people more positive, open and showing their better side
  • On best relational behavior when see each other, special plans etc. effort put in to quality time
  • idealize each other more and more likely to get married
18
Q

Friends with benefits rank ordered rules

A
#1 staying emotionally detached, no jealousy or falling in love
#2 sexual activity (such as agreeing to wear condoms)
#3 communication (making rules about one another staying honest about other relationships
#4 secrecy, not telling friends they have in common
#5 permanence (agreeing sexual part is temporary)
#6 Friendship (agree to value friendship more)

although rules help maintain, many end, return to friendship, or ends in relationship
they run smoother if their social network approves
PRIMARY CHALLENGE: one friend wanting the relationship to be romantic when the other does not

19
Q

Intimacy process models

A

Intimacy is created through a series of moves and countermoves, and your interpretations of the moves are as important as the moves themselves

  1. the motives of person A
  2. Verbal expression by person A
  3. interpretive filter of person B
  4. Person B’s response to person A’s expression of intimacy
  5. Person A’s interpretive filter and reactions to person B’s response
20
Q

Cognitive valence theory

A

How people respond to increases in intimacy behavior

  • Behavior: person A (skyler) behaves in a way that increases intimacy behavior by saying to will: “i want you to come to CA with me”
  • Perception: intimacy behavior perceived by person B (will immediately gets out of bed leaving the previous intimate setting)

Arousal: Person B experiences low, moderate, or high arousal (will is highly aroused and acts fearful and stressed)

Cognition: Person B makes a cognitive appraisal based on “cognitive schemata”

Cognitive Schemata: Cultural appropriateness, personal predisposition, interpersonal valence (rewarding?), situational appropriateness (he doesnt wanna move away from his home), Psychological or physical states, relational outcomes

Positive: when all six schemata increase in closeness

Negative: opposite^

21
Q

Barrier to relational dissolution

A

People stay in relationships for two reasons 1) because they want to. 2) because they have to

22
Q

two categories of barriers

A

internal psychological: commitment, obligation, investments, strong religious or moral beliefs, parental obligation

External structural: financial considerations, legal process, social pressures

23
Q

Dialectical perspective

A

captures the dynamic nature of relationships and describes some of the common tensions, or ups and downs, that relational partners experience

24
Q

Dialectical perspective (baxters theory)

A
  1. Intergration-seperation
  2. Stability-change: wanting security but also excitement
  3. expression-privacy: need to be heard vs need to be private
25
Q

Dialectal perspective (rawlins theory)

A

(about friendships but can be relationships)

  1. dependence-independence
  2. expressive-protective (when you tell your friends the truth or not because you dont wanna hurt feelings)
  3. judgement-acceptance (“code” of a good friendship is accepting them no matter who they are)
  4. affection-instrumentality (feeling of warmth or feeling of them helping you with tasks, can lead to feeling used tho)
26
Q

strategies for managing relational dialectics

A
  • -selection: valuing one side of the dialectic over the other
  • -separation: favoring each side of dialectic at different times
  • -neutralization: couples avoid fully engaging either side
    reframing: adjusting perceptions of the dialects so they seem complimentary not contradictory
27
Q

Marriage is characterized by three primary variables

A
  1. conventionality: a variable involving traditional vs. less traditional notions of family.
  2. companionship: reflecting dependence vs. autonomy, how much time a couple spends together
  3. conflict: reflecting the amount of open disagreement expressed in the relationship
28
Q

Three marriage types

A
  1. The traditionals
    - -conventional in their views of marriage
    - -place more value on stability and certainty in role relationships than on variety and spontaneity
    - -strongly interdependent and share much companionship
    - -engage in moderate amounts of conflict, but are typically able to resolve the issues quickly
  2. The independents
    - -unconventional in their vies of marriage
    - -do not rely on each other very much
    - -lots of conflict due to not having traditional roles

BOTH INDEPENDENTS AND TRADITIONALS REPORT HAVING SATISFYING MARRIAGES

  1. The seperates
    - -conventional in their view of marriage
    - -do not share much w each other
    - -emotionally divorced, due to no maintenance
    - -avoid conflict, but can argue on occasion
    - -not very expressive, and dont understand partners emotions well
29
Q

qualities associated with marriage

A
  1. you dated for a while (but had your own place)
    - -those who dated three years without living together were less likely to end in divorce
  2. keep mm-hmms to a minimum
    –“turning toward the bidder” basically showing interest and
    support
    –those who divorced shows 33% interest, and those together 87%
  3. amplify your partners positive
    - -make your spouses happy moments even happier
  4. you talk, really talk.
    - -carve out times for conversations that mirror the early stages of a relationship: asking questions, sharing aspirations, etc.
  5. had warm feet on your wedding day
    - -if you had cold feet on your wedding day, more likely to get a divorce
  6. you fight fair
    - -not how much conflict you have, but how you handle it.
  7. youve got demographics on your side
    - -plusses: having a college ed, and getting married 20-31, divorce increases 5% per year after 32
  8. both carve out “me time”
    - -helps relationship not be boring, you can leave to hang with friends then come back and talk about it after
  9. cultivate a culture of mutual appreciation
    - -most successful marriages have a ratio of 5 positives for every negitive
    - -regular affirmations predict a couple is twice as likely to stay together