CMN exam 2 Flashcards
Marston & Hecht “How do you communicate love to your partner”?
- Saying I love you
- Doing special things
- Being supportive
- Physical touch
- Simply just being together
Lee’s Love Styles
Physical Love- Love the feeling of being in love, will have partner after partner
Companionate Love- Committed love, usually starts from friendship
Game-Playing Love- Not as committed, often in for hookups
Possessive Love- Emotionally dependent and need constant reminders (jealousy)
Unselfish Love- Take yo0u as you are, very high levels of relationship satisfaction
Practical Love- Place high importance on whether or not their potential mate will fulfill their needs
Sternbergs Triangular theory of love (primary and types)
Primary:
- Intimacy (warm)
- Passion (hot)
- Commitment (cool)
Types:
- Nonlove- none of the above
- Liking- intimacy
- Infatuation- passion
- Empty love- commitment
- Romantic Love- intimacy & passion
- Friendship love- intimacy and commitment
- Fatuous love- passion & commitment
- Consummate love- all three
Characteristics of an intimate relationship, what makes it that way?
Characteristics:
- Warmth
- Trust
- Deep Friendship
Intimate encounters have an extra quality than just every day interactions between strangers
Intimacy is experienced throug SHARED KNOWLEDGE which is gained through: -Self Disclosure -Spending time together -Observing one anothers behavior
enhanced when one feels understood and valued
Intimate experience
Affectionate emotion and shared knowledge and understanding
Intimate expression
Positive involvement and self-disclosure
Verbal ways people express intimacy
Self-disclosure
Verbal responsiveness (listening in an engaging matter)
Relationship talk (communication about feelings)
Relational language (nicknames, pet names, inside joke)
Attachment theory
- Social development approach (interaction with others affects peoples attachment styles across life span)
- Children develop attachment dependent on their caregivers
- Develop a sense of independence rooted in security
- Finally, self sufficient when necessary, also having to provide care and support for another adult in a love relationship that functions as a partnership
Individuals develop attachment styles that are relatively coherent and stable patterns of emotion and behavior that are exhibited in close relationships
Bartholomew’s Four Attachment Styles
Secure- the pro-social style (im okay, you’re okay)
Self sufficient
Comfortable with intimacy
Wants interdependent relationships
Preoccupied- emotional style (Im not okay, youre okay)
Overly involved and dependent
Wants excessive intimacy
Clings to relationships
Fearful- hesitant style (im not okay youre not okay)
Wants approval from others
Fearful of intimacy
Sees relationships as painful fear rejection
Dismissive- detached style (Im okay, youre not okay)
Counter dependent
Uncomfortable with intimacy
Sees relationships as non-essential
What is relational maintenance
Involves keeping a relationship:
- In existence
- Specified state or condition; stable; status quo
- in satisfactory condition
- in repair
- a desired level
What is cruise control? what are the two perspectives on it?
Cruise control is not having to maintain a relationship once you have been together for a while
Centrifugal perspective: people must work actively to maintain their relationships of else they will deteriorate.
Centripetal perspective: People in close committed relationships stay together unless something pulls them apart. According to this view, you basically stay in cruise control, relaxing until an outside force effects it.
Scholars view on cruise control
Most scholars say that highly committed relationships do run on cruise some of the time, but periodic maintenance is necessary to keep them healthy
Relational maintenance behaviors
- Openness and routine talk: talking and listening
- Positivity: making interactions pleasant
- Assurances: Assuring each other you still care
- Supportiveness: giving support
- Joint activities: engaging in activities together
- Task sharing: performing tasks relevant to the relationship together (chores)
- Romance and affection
- Social Networking: spending time with each others family/friends
- Mediated communication: using technology to stay in touch when apart
- Avoidance: Respecting each others privacy and time with friends without you
- Antisocial: making partner jealous
- Conflict management: managing conflicts in ways that promote problem solving
- Humor: inside jokes, sarcasm
- Balance: keeping the relationship fair, putting similar levels of effort in
Challenges associated with cross-sex platonic realtionships
Emotional bond: uncertainty as to whether one of the friends has romantic feelings toward the other
Sexual challenge: tend to see each other as potential sex partners
Public presentation: outsiders wondering if there is something going on between the two, also true for same sex friendships
Rank ordered reasons why people want their cross-sex friendships to remain platonic
- safeguard the relationships
- not attracted to their friend
- network disapproval
- one is in a relationship with someone else
- risk aversion (arousing feelings of dislike)