Close Relationship Flashcards
What is love?
Passionate love and companionate love Love and culture Love across time Sternberg triangle Tradeoff: sex in and out of marriage
Passionate love
Strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person
Makes people want to spend as much time as possible together, to touch each other, engage in physical intimacy
Companionate love
Mutual understanding and caring to make the relationship succeed
Less strongly emotional
Love and culture
Passionate love seems to be universal but the forms and expressions vary from one culture to another
Love across time
Companionate love is what makes a good marriage or a stable, trustworthy, lasting relationships
Passionate love may be the most effective emotion for starting relationship; companionate love may be the most effective emotion for making it succeed and survive in the long run
Behavioural sign of the decrease in passion can be found in data about frequency of sexual intercourse
As time goes by, the average married couple has sex less and less often
James (1981): for most couples, sex is the most frequent during the first month and first year after the wedding and declines after
decline in sex frequency
If a couple has a long marriage, the frequency of sex goes down, but if they then divorce and remarry, they typically show a big increase in sexual frequency with their new partners (Call, Sprecher, & Schwartz, 1995)
Tradeoff: sex in and out of marriage
Married people: have more frequent sex, benefits from a partner who knows their responses and loves them (know each other better), sex conforms to a stable and regular pattern of familiar activity once or twice a week
Single people: have more partners, spend more time and energy on each sex act and try more things, life alternates between periods of exciting sex with new partner and period of no sex with any partner
Sternberg’s triangle
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion
Emotional state characterised by high bodily arousal, such as increase heart rate and blood pressure
Intimacy
Feeling of closeness mutual understanding and mutual concern for each other welfare and happiness
Commitment
A conscious decision that remains constant
The shift from passionate to compassionate love is explained by Sternbergs theory
Passion increases dramatically and tend to decline steadily over time
Intimacy starts low and tends to increase over time
Exchange relationships
Relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return
Communal relationships
Relationships based on mutual love and concern without expectation of repayment
More desirable healthier and mature
Clark (1984): Measure communal versus exchange orientation
Participants work on a puzzle either using different coloured pen or the same coloured pen
People who want or have communal relationship are more likely to use the same pen
Bowlby (1969)
Influenced by Freudian and learning theory
Believe childhood attachment predicted that the relationship is no longer in the majority opinions
Shaver
Describe attachment in adult romantic relationships: anxious/ambivalent, secure, avoidant
Two dimensions of attachment theory
A theory that classified people into 4 attachment styles (secure, preoccupied, dismissing avoidant, fearful avoidant) into 2 dimensions (anxiety, avoidance)
Secure attachment
Style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety and low on avoidance
They trusted partner, share their feelings, provide and receive support and comfort and enjoy their relationships
Generally have good sex lives
Preoccupied attachment
Low on avoidance, high on anxiety
They want and enjoy closeness but worry that their relationship partners will abandon them
May use sex to pull others close to them
Dismissing avoidant attachment
Low on anxiety, high on avoidance
They tend to view partners as unreliable and available and uncaring
May avoid sex, or use sex to resist initimacy
Fearful avoidant attachment
High on anxiety and high on avoidance
They have low options of themselves and keep others from getting close