CHAPTER 4 Flashcards
1
Q
POWER - THE STRUCTURE OF CONFLICT
What Is Power?
A
- power is the ability to achieve a purpose, whether it is good or bad depends on the purpose. - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
- just as energy is a fundamental concept in physics, power is a fundamental concept in conflict theory.
- in interpersonal and all other conflicts, perceptions of power are at the heart of any analysis.
- hundreds of definitions of power tend to fall into three clusters. power is seen as (1) designated (power given by your position), (2) distributive (either/or power), and (3) integrative (both/and power)
- DESIGNATED POWER: comes from your position, such as being a manager, mother or father, or the leader of a team. your power is conferred by the position you hold. the instructor in your course, has some sources of power given by the role - assigning grades and writing letters or recommendation to schools you may want to attend
- DISTRIBUTIVE POWR: this power focuses on power over or against the other party. for example, if you see dominance as the key to power, you see power as distributive. power means domination-you either dominate the other or you are forced or manipulated into a low-power role.
- INTEGRATIVE POWER: this definition of power assumes all parties in a dispute have power. integrative definitions focus on “both/and” - each party has to achieve something in a relationship. we expand this view calling it the “relational view” of power, which accounts for how all conflict parties see power. we will also argue, it is not what outsiders say about power, but the views the conflict parties have that determine the outcomes of their conflict.
- sometimes all we can do in conflicts is keep the destruction from spiraling out of control, or negotiate an uneasy “balance of terror.”
- often, thankfully, alternatives to the top-down exercise of power emerge when ppl commit themselves to finding them.
- constructive use of power solves problems, enhances relationships, and balances power, at least during the interaction. when that happens, the hard work that goes into learning about conflict management is worth it.
2
Q
Orientations of Power
A
- in chapter 2 you learned that your particular views of self, other and relationship are the key ingredients in a conflict (along with other’s perceptions of these)
- when a dispute occurs between two people, they often talk about power, and their perspectives will predispose them to engage in certain communicative moves.
- ppl feel passionately about power0who has it, who ought to have more or less, how people misuse power, and how justified they feel in trying to gain more power for themselves.
- we each need enough power to live the life we want. we want to influence events that matte to us. we want to have our voices heard and make a difference. we want to protect ourselves against perceived harm. we want to hold ourselves in high esteem and we need to highly regard those we care about. we do not want to be victimized, misused, or demeaned. no one can escape feeling the effects of power-whether we have too much or too little.
- when ppl struggle with each other, they almost never agree on anything having to do with power. for ex., you might be a student intern in a real estate firm and you feel that brokers have all the power. the brokers, on the other hand, see you having sources of power such as your close connection to others in the office, your ability to help the brokers do their jobs and your knowledge of the real estate business you gained working last summer. if you see yourself as low power you are likely to keep silent even when you disagree-giving the impression that you agree when you don’t. if, on the other hand, you feel that both you and the brokers have sources of power you will be more likely to engage in discussion to work through issues. if you think of yourself as just a lowly intern, you may miss many opportunities to be a team member bc you have assessed your power inaccurately.
3
Q
Orientations of Power
continued
A
- you probably have an emotional response when you hear the word power. Kipnis notes “like love, we know that power exists, but we cannot agree on a description of it.”
- power play, high powered, bull headed, power source, run over, sneaky, devious, authority, influence, strong-arm, overpower, bulldozed, low powered, etc
- as you can see by the list, ppl have dif views of power, some positive and some negative. some ppl see power as good and exciting. others see power as instinctive, something we all possess innately.
- still others see power as the result of political skill; as a charismatic thing that ppl have within themselves.
- we respond to conflict differently based in part on our different orientations to what power is - positive, negative or benign.
4
Q
Orientations of Power:
Designated Power
A
- designated power, or position power, is easily seen.
- the president of the US, police, the chairperson of the PTA, the student gov. leader, your boss at work, etc. all are designated to have power by their position.
- if you work, your supervisor has power based on her or his position. those who follow politics often emphasize the “role” or “position” that one has is the most important source of power.
- thus, a news story about the US senate or house of reps often focuses on the “majority leader” of that body, who has “designated” power. similarly, almost all dictionary definitions of power will have something akin to “the position of control or command over others”
- such conceptions of power, of course, reflect the positional ability to marshal resources. your classroom instructor can assign your grade and your supervisor at work can give you a raise. these notions of power are easy to list.
- for example, labor laws specify what things employers can and cannot do, and in a college setting, academic freedom means the instructor can usually set their own grading scale and apply their own criteria to assigning grades.
5
Q
Orientations of Power:
Either/Or Power
distributive power
A
- designated positional power and distributive power both share a common threat. take a look at the list of words associate with power-most of them show an either/or association.
- you have power in order to move others against their will; it becomes a contest of the wills when you are in a “power struggle.” many ppl think that power is only “force” - pushing others around against their will.
- when you read about nations using military might against other nations, you see either/or power in operation.
- once a relationship begins to go downhill, concerns with power heighten. as any relationship deteriorates, the parties shift to a more overt focus on power-and this shift is reflected in their discourse.
- in fact, a characteristic of destructive conflict is that parties start thinking and talking about power. almost no one thinks that he or she has more power than the other, at least when emotions run very high. we think the other has more power, which then justifies dirty tricks and our own attempt to gain more power.
- we often see ourselves as blameless victims of the other’s abuse of power. when partners are caught in this destructive cycle of either/or power, their communicative interactions show a lot of “one up” responses, or attempts to demonstrate conversational power over each other.
- partners might say “she is just trying to control me” or “i’m not going to let him push me around.”
- ppl, whether married couples or work colleagues, try to “keep score” - watching the points they have a vis-a-vis the other party.
- when partners develop an overt concern with power, their struggles over power are directly related to relationship satisfaction
6
Q
Orientations of Power:
Either/Or Power
distributive power
A
- the focus for a dispute becomes power-who has the right to move the other. the teen who says “you can’t boss me around” the spouse who shouts “just who do you think you are?” and the colleague who says “well, we’ll see who the boss is around here!” are all giving power center stage in the dispute
- these struggles usually escalate. dissatisfied couples are more than three times as likely to escalate episodes and focus on power than satisfied couples.
- using the terms we developed in ch. 3, power becomes the overriding relationship concern.
- we are not suggesting that power shouldn’t be an issue. rather, we suggest that when power itself becomes the main focus of thinking and discussion, parties are likely to be invovled in an escalating power struggle, and may well have temporarily lost sight of their original interests.
- notice in figure 4.1 that disputes also involve rights and interests. rights, similar to our idea of core concerns, include not being discriminated against, being free from physical harm, and other constitutional and legal guarantees that we have as citizens. sometimes it is more appropriate that disputes get settled on the basis of rights rather than on power and interests. for example, if the famous brown vs board of education case in 1954 outlawing segregation in public schools had been settled on the basis of power, it would have resulted in a struggle in the streets. if on the other hand it had been settled on the basis of interests, Brown might have negotiated her way into school but the country’s social policy would not have changed.
7
Q
Orientations of Power:
Either/Or Power
distributive power
A
- when we solve a dispute based on interests, the goals and desires of the parties are the key elements. for instance, if you don’t want your teen son to use the car, you can tell him it’s not okay as long as you pay the expenses in the house (power); let him know that you own their car (rights); or let him know that you are dissatisfied with how he drives and until you are comfortable and convinced that he will be safe you will not lend your car to him (interests)
- thus, disputes can occur on any one of the three levels. when power becomes the only personal goal, the dispute is harder to resolve.
- figure 4.2 illustrates an effective system. notice that the emphasis is on interests with rights and power playing smaller but still important roles. as you can see by comparing the two figures, an overemphasis on power is symptomatic of a distressed system.
8
Q
Orientations of Power:
Both/And Power
integrative
A
- rather than always seeing power and either/or (designate and distributive), you can view it as both/and. in many interpersonal relationships ppl just can’t envision power in terms other than “either/or” or “win/lose”
- yet, a study of the dynamics of successful disputes and ongoing relationships reveals that power functions on a broader basis than either/or thinking.
- disputes become power struggles if the parties define them as such. conceptually, the alternative to framing disputes as power struggles is to place power in a position subordinate to rights and needs.
- culturally, we learn to see power in diverse ways, if, for ex., you see power as a way to benefit and help others, you will act differently than if you want to maximize power for your individual self. the lack of verbal fighting in Japanese and Javanese cultures appears to exists bc harmony and cooperation are basic values, and verbal contradiction is not the automatic first choice in conflict.
- a more accepted process is to affirm the strengths of each person’s position, let them stand without attack, and then joining in exploring other options.
9
Q
Orientations of Power:
Both/And Power
integrative
A
- both/and power is often the first choice of women in our culture. researchers at the Jean Baker Miller Center and Wellesley have spent four decades explicating “relational theory” in an attempt to balance the traditional male orientation that permeates US culture. in their view, relational theory is a belief system that describes how growth and effectiveness occur.
- masculine theories, which were accepted as the only psychologically sound theories, often assumed that maturity and competence depend on autonomy, or separation from constraints, other people, and group identity.
- boys, for instance, learn to relate to power through games and competition more than girls do. boys learn to be comfortable with the hierarchy of teams, captains, coaches, and bosses. girls learn to play with less focus on hierarchy. many girls games are cooperative in nature, with girls taking roles to play out, after discussing together what to do. “there’s no boss in dolls”
- for boys, conflict means competition, which often enhances relationships. for girls, competition is often painful and damages relationships. girls often to look for a win/win situation.
- relational theory presumes maturity and competence depend on growth-in-connection and mutuality. the ability to develop relationally depends on mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, and responsibility to both oneself and others. it also invovles expressing emotion, learning from vulnerability, participating in the development of another, and enhancing each other’s efforts. it is a shared positive power.
- when ppl work in teams, the ability to use mutual power is necessary. making the project work, moving toward mutual goals, and getting a new effort up and running requires skills very different from those used with either/or power. yet, this kind of mutuality often is not valued as much as the more masculine either/or power.
- Fletcher explains how relational work disappears in orgs since it is not categorized as “real work”
- for instance, preventing problems is not seen as being as important as solving problems in some work environments.
- mothers who coordinate high complex family activities sometimes are seen as “not working” bc their efforts involve interaction among all family members instead of major attention being given to their own schedule and needs.
- Fletcher’s research with engineering firms showed that in a culture that prizes individual achievement and winning, voluntarily helping others was seen as naive and powerless.
10
Q
following case shows the difference between either or/and both power.
A
- Lynn and Daniel are a married couple in their 30s. Daniel is employed as a smoke jumper supervisor. This work requires him to be ready literally at a moment’s notice to get in a plan and direct safety activities for firefighters from various regions when a fire breaks out. Lynn and Daniel have two small kids ages 2 and 4. They have decided that for now, the family needs are best served by Lynn’s being the primary parent, and taking care of the kids, especially since Daniel is sometimes gone for weeks during the fire season.
- Here’s where the problem comes in. in Daniel’s family the person making the money had the power. he believes that since Lynn is not making much money (she works part time as a piano teacher), she should not make major purchases without his permission. he expects Lynn to pay the necessary bills but to ask him for money when she needs it for household expenses.
- Lynn is angry and sometimes feels defeated since in her view, Daniel does not know the needs of the household. she thinks she should be able to make expenditures as she sees fit. when she wants to plan a trip or buy something out of the ordinary, Daniel says “make the money then, I’m working as hard as I can”
- Lynn believes Daniel completely devalues her work at home.
11
Q
Orientations of Power:
How Might Lynn and Daniel Talk About Their Conflict?
A
- What Lynn Feels and Thinks: she feels furious some of the time; she often feels misunderstood and devalued. she sees herself as extremely careful with household expenses. she shops when needed items are on sale, watches for good grocery store values, and buys the kids’ clothes at consignment shops. she saws clothes and toys with other moms of young kids. she often feels competent and powerful in her role. she loves her kids is glad to be home with them and experiences her mothering as a chosen job. truth be told, she is often glad when Daniel is gone on a fire, bc she can make decision without going through him. she loves him but is often angry with him and feels sad bc her affection diminishes when they fight.
- in Lynn’s family, money was always very tight and she is proud of her skills at stretching a small budget. her mom did the same kind of good job that she is doing and her dad appreciated her mom’s efforts. her father worked as the manager of a small town store so he was present in the home and often compliment Lynn’s mom on her homemaking skills. Lynn has a degree in com. with a minor in children development. she is upset that she and Daniel have not been able to solve their chronic ongoing conflict about expenses. Lynn now sees Daniel as just wanting to have all of the power. in her view, he lords it over her since she doesn’t make money. Lynn sees her self as making money by saving the family money.
- then a trigger event arises. Daniel is gone for six weeks on a major fire. during that time, Lynn’s mother develops breast cancer. Daniel is out of cell phone contact for much of the time he is gone. Lynn decides to fly herself and the kids to the Midwest to be with her mom for the period when Mom is deciding what kind of treatment to pursue. Lynn puts the tickets on the credit card.
- nothing is more important than being with my family at this time, Lynn thinks. Daniel will be mad but he has to understand my values. I’ll let him know how important this is to me and mom. she hasn’t seen the kids in over a yr and it’s the right thing to do.
12
Q
Orientations of Power:
How Might Lynn and Daniel Talk About Their Conflict?
A
- What Daniel Thinks and Feels: he agrees that it is important for his wife to be home with the kids. he agrees that she should go to graduate school if she wants to when the kids are in school. he loves her and feels fortunate to have found her. he thinks she is a good mother. he is very concerned about his job. his major concern is his safety and the safety of his crew. he has to make very hard judgment calls that affect their safety. he has a degree in forestry and resource management. while he has had a chance to move out of active firefighting, since he trains and supervises during non fire seasons, he likes the challenge of making good judgment calls and is popular with his crew.
- they trust him and like working with him bc he is good and makes good calls. they trust him and like working with him bc he is skilled and fair. he is a quick thinker and a no nonsense leader who feels his responsibilities deeply.
- at home, he loves to be a father to his kids. he misses them when he is god and misses his wife. he worried about money since for now he is the sole earner. his ability to earn extra money depends on his hardship pay, which means being gone for more than a few days. his father and mom argued about money. his father made most of it while his mom worked part time while raising five kids. his father was a school admin and an alcoholic, although most of the ppl in their community did not know it. he was abusive to the kids and demeaning to their mom. Daniel made the decision when he first left home to never be that way, he made his own peace with his dad, who admires Daniel for his work. He is also close with his mom.
- Daniel thinks he and Lynn are doing a good job raising their kids and getting along as young parents. however, he becomes mad when Lynn spends more than a budgeted amount of money without checking wit him. he does not see their arrangement as one that requires “Lynn has to ask me” rather he feels it as a matter of respect. he is not interested in what he considers “frills” and disagrees with Lynn’s choices about some of the ways to spend money, especially on trips, vacays, and family visits. he thinks those expenditures can wait until they are both working. he has not seen his parents and siblings in three years, they communicate infrequently although he calls him mom often when he comes back from a fire since she worries.
- when Daniel was able to call Lynn and found out that she was leaving the next day to see her mom he was so mad and told Lynn her wanted her to cancel her plans.
13
Q
Orientations of Power:
The Communication Possibilities:
A
- L and D will not be able to see each other for at least two weeks. they have never been more at odds with one another in their eight years of marriage. here are some INEFFECTIVE ways for Lynn to begin resolving their conflict:
- we may not have the money but that’s what emergency credit cards are for. we can deal with the expenses later
- you can’t tell me when to see my own mom when she is scared and sick
- sure you couldn’t possibly understand a normal relationship with a parent, given how sick your family is.
- if you try to stop i’ll go away and maybe won’t come home
- my dad sent me the money even tho it’s not true she thinks she can deal with it later
- you are breaking my heart and i’ll never forgive you
- i’ve already told the kids we are going to see gma
- you can’t possibly understand how I feel
here are some INEFFECTIVE ways for Daniel to begin resolving their conflict:
- you do not have the right to make decisions without me
- you care nothing for how hard i am working it will take a year to pay off this trip
- can’t you talk to her on the phone every day?
- leave the kids with your friend she owes you some babysitting time
- you are being unreasonable. wait until you know what is going to happen and then maybe we can work out a trip.
- don’t you care what i think? is this all up to you?
- you have no sense of what the limits are to what i make. if you want to go, get a part time job
14
Q
Orientations of Power:
Power Denial
A
- some ppl dislike any discussion of power. they may deny that power and influence are appropriate topics for discussion.
- one student wrote that in her relationship with her bf, no one has to have power-we just listen to each other, try to respond with love and always put the relationship and each other first. she seems to think that acknowledging any use of power would destroy her perfect relationship with her boyfriend.
- many ppl view power as negative and find “explicit references to power in bad taste”
- Cahill conducting research on married couples, encountered this view when he interviewed them about their relationship. when he asked them about decision making, persuasive techniques and disagreements, the discussions flowed smoothly. but when he asked about their relative amounts of power, he encountered long silences, halting answers, obvious embarrassment and reluctance to speak on the topic. it’s been noted that when ppl were told they had high drives to achieve or affiliate, they derived great satisfaction from the feedback, but ppl who were told they had a high drive for power they experienced guilt.
- in its extreme form. reluctance to talk about power emerges as power denial. haley listed four common attempts ppl use to deny that they exercise power.
- these four forms of power denial are presented in the following:
1. Deny that you communicated something
2. Deny that something was communicated
3. Deny that you communicated something to the other person
4. Deny that the situation even existed for example “that didn’t happen. you remember it completely wrong”
15
Q
Orientations of Power:
```
Power Denial
continued
~~~
A
- the speaker can deny he or she is communicating in a number of ways, such as saying i’m not myself when i drink or it’s just the pressure i’m under that’s making me act like such a grouch. you may hear them claim “I can’t help it. i told you i was jealous. i’m not responsible for what i said”
- to say that you are not responsible for our communication lets you exercise control (if others accept your claim) while denying that you are doing so. - denying that a message was communicated is another way to ignore the existence of power. the simplest way to deny communication is to say “I did not say that” since this kind of denial usually gets you in trouble after a while, another form develops such as “I forgot I said that did i really say that? i didn’t mean that”
- for example, a supervisor might consistently forget to include new members of a staff in the email list. as a result, the newer, less powerful members, are often late for meetings or miss them entirely, having to reschedule other meetings at the last minute. when confronted by those left out, the supervisor say oh my administrative aide is responsible for scheduling meetings. - denying that a message was communicated to a particular person is another way of expressing discomfort with the exercise of power. for example, a sales person rings the doorbell of an apartment complex
- salesperson: hello i’d like to taking this opportunity to….
- apartment dweller: people are bothering me too much. oh i’m not talking about you, it’s just that everyone bugs me day in and day out. i get no peace of mind. i wish the world would calm down and leave me alone
- salesperson: maybe i can see you another time. i’m sorry i bothered you
- the person who was bothered is exercising considerable control in the communicative transaction and also denying that the remarks are not meant for the particular salesperson. another common way of denying that you comments were addressed to the other person is to claim that you were just thinking out loud - the last way to deny communicative power attempts is to deny that what has been said applies to this situation. saying I’m used to being treated unfairly by others; I probably always will be. denies the clear implication that you feel that other is treating you in a demeaning manner. one employee left work without notifying the supervisor. she has been working extra hours in order to finish a report due to their funding agency. as she left she was heard to say let’s see how everyone can get along without my help since they seem to ignore my suggestions. when the supervisor confronted the employee on the overheard statement, she said oh i was just under stress from working all weekend. i didn’t mean anything about the rest of the team. they’re doing the best they can. the employee who left denied that she used her power to withhold her expertise under deadline pressure. she also denied the importance of what she said.
16
Q
Orientations of Power:
```
Power Denial
continued
~~~
A
- all of these examples are ways that ppl can deny exercising power in a relationship, when in fact they are exercising power.
- whenever you com with another, what you say and do exercises some communicative control-you either go along with someone else’s definition of the conflict, struggle over the definition, or supply it yourself. even if you would rather be seen as a person who does not exert power, you exercise influence on how the conflict interaction is going to be defined.
- we have noticed that people who hold high-power positions are particularly prone to denying that they have or use power. we now say that directors, presidents, CEOs, doctors, teachers, managers, parents “you have more power than you think. you may not see yourself that way but here are some of the communication consequences of being in your position”
- you don’t know what ppl don’t want you to know
- you hear about 1/10 of the grapevine info
- ppl are more cautious/afraid/nervous/withholding than you think they are
- the open door policy that you talk about is not effective
- your supervisees cover up what they don’t know
- your team may express agreement and approval of your ideas, then talk among themselves about problems with your ideas
17
Q
Orientations of Power:
```
Power Denial
continued
~~~
A
- ppl in high power positions must take specific com. steps to address the natural outcomes of unequal power.
- the most common ineffective message we see in orgs is one sent by email to “everyone” which invites ppl to come talk when there is a problem.
- more effective ways to balance power can be used. we will talk about this later in the chapter.
- for now, remember, if you are in a position of designated leadership or organizational power, the communication around you changes.
- lower-power ppl cannot productively balance the power without the help of the higher-power ppl.
- the fact that power is central to the study of conflict does not mean that ppl are always sneaky and try to get power illegitimately. rather, the productive exercise of personal power is crucial to your self-concept.
- without some exercise of power in your interpersonal relationships, you would soon feel worthless as a person.
- remember that just as one cannot NOT communicate, you do not have the option of not using power. we only have options about whether to use power destructively or productively for ourselves and our relationships.
18
Q
A Relational Theory of Power
A
- a common perception is that power is an attribute of a person.
- if you say Lynn is a powerful person, you may, if she is your friend, be referring to such attributes as verbal facility, intelligence, compassion, warmth and understanding. or you may refer to a politician as powerful, alluding to her ability to make deals, call in favors, remember names and faces, and understand complex economic issues.
- in interpersonal relationships, however, a relational theory of power explains status more effectively.
- excluding situations of unequal physical power and use of violence, power is a property of the social relationships rather than a quality of an individual.
- Lynn, for instance, has power with her friends because she has qualities they value. when she suggests something to do, like going on an annual women’s backpacking trip, her friends try to clear their calendars bc they like her, have fun with her and feel understood by her. Lynn has a way of making a group feel cohesive and at ease. but if an acquaintance hated backpacking, didn’t like some of the other ppl going on the trip and was irritated at Lynn bc of a misunderstanding that hasn’t yet cleared up, Lynn’s power with the irritated acquaintance would lessen considerably.
- power is not owned by an individual. the particular relationship creates the power distribution. therefore, power is a productive of the communication relationship.
- certain qualities matter in this relationship such as economic resources, love and affection or networking skills. rather than residing in people, “power is always interpersonal”
- in the strictest sense, except when violence and physical coercion are used, power is given from one party to another in a conflict. power can be taken away when a situation changes. power dynamics are fluid, changing, and dependent on the specific relationship and context.
- each person in a conflict has some degree of power, though one party may have more compared to the other, and the power can shift during a conflict.
19
Q
A Relational Theory of Power
continued
A
- power is based on one’s dependence on resources or currencies that another person controls or seems to possess.
- a person’s power is directly tied to the nature of the relationship. in terms of two people, A and B, person A has power over person B to the extent that B is dependent on A for goal attainment.
- likewise, person B has power over person A to the extent that A is dependent on B.
- PAB=DBA (the power of A over B is equal to the dependence that B has on A) and
- PBA=DAB (the power of B over A is equal to the dependence that A has on B)
- your dependence on another person is a function of (1) the importance of the goals the other can influence and (2) the availability of the other avenues for you to accomplish what you want.
- the dependence of actor B upon actor A is directly proportional to B’s motivational investment in goals mediated by A, and inversely proportional to the availability of those goals to B outside of the A-B relationship.
- in a mutually beneficial relationship, power is not fixed, but shifts as each becomes dependent in a positive way on the resources the other person may offer. this process builds a relationships and takes time to accomplish.
20
Q
Defining Interpersonal Power
A
- building on the ideas of power, dependence, and resource control, we offer this definition of interpersonal power: interpersonal power is the ability to influence a relational partner in any context bc you control, or at least the partner perceives that you control, resources that the partner needs, values, desires or fears. interpersonal power also includes the ability to resist the influence attempts of a partner.
- often it is difficult to hold on to the idea of interpersonal power. under stress, we go back to “she has power because she has a supportive family” or “I have power bc I don’t care” (when the person usually does care).
- of course it is true that certain areas of expertise can bring power. some ppl may be valued by others bc of the excellent cooking skills they have, or bc they have taken an emergency first responder course, or bc they know their way around a large city.
- however, if their conflict partners do not value these areas of expertise, the expertise does not bring power.
- power in a relationships depends on control of resources valued by the partner.
21
Q
Defining Interpersonal Power
continued
A
- many conflicts go awry bc one person believes their own expertise in, for instance, child rearing, Spanish, or map-reading gives them power in certain situations. one case where the expertise did not activate power was in a group of women friends visiting Costa Rica. one of the leaders spoke Spanish. she developed a good convo relationship with several guides who wanted to take the women on a zip line tour of the tropical canopy. however, when the women saw the height of the platforms and the length of the zip lines they opted out. no matter how hard the leader tried to convince he women that the guides thought the activity was perfectly safe, translating the Spanish with great skill, the group had already made up their minds - reassurance or no reassurance, they were not climbing on those platforms
- increasing another’s dependence on you can be constructive or destructive. in the following case, mutual dependence is constructive in the beginning but in the end a destructive outcome occurred.
- in “power play” a seemingly unequal power situation was suddenly balance by the resignation of an assistant- a classic “got you now” move on the part of the lower-power person. each of the p’s in this conflict attempted to exercise power. when the administrative assistant assured the physician that she would take care of the arrangement for the conference and then did not, she destructively increased (temporarily) the doctor’ dependence on her. if the physician had rethought the flexible time needs of the office staff and then given desire resources (flexible time off) this change would have been an example of constructively increasing dependencies.
