Chapter 11: Interpersonal Attraction and Rejection

Question 1

Attraction

Answer 1

anything that draws two or more people together, making them want to be together and possibly to form a lasting relationship.

Question 2

social acceptance

Answer 2

a situation in which other people have come to like you, respect you, approve of you, and include you in their groups and relationships.

Question 3

rejection (social exclusion)

Answer 3

being prevented by others from forming or keeping a social bond with them; the opposite of acceptance.

Question 4

The basic pattern

Answer 4

attraction is based on similarity or good looks and rejection is based on those who are different.
People have developed many ways to make themselves attractive to others.

Question 5

The need to belong:

Answer 5

Forming bonds is a big part of human life.
In order to survive, it is vital to form and maintain some relationships.

Question 6

Belongingness as a basic need:

Answer 6

> Powerful “need to belong” drives human psyche.
Not limited to survival or reproduction concerns.
Evolutionary advantage for those valuing social connection.
Basic needs obtained through relationships with others.
Strong social networks contribute to well-being.
Inner drive for connection essential for cultural benefits.

Question 7

What is considered an extreme form of punishment in prisons

Answer 7

Solitary confinement

Question 8

ubuntu

Answer 8

Humanity towards others

Question 9

What is ways people can communicate on the internet to have a sense of belonging

Answer 9

> People engage in various actions to communicate.
Internet enables interaction with strangers, forming connections with low risk.
Satisfaction of the need to belong through social media and online chat.
Anonymity on the internet aids those with social anxiety to share inner thoughts.

Question 10

Need to belong

Answer 10

the desire to form and maintain close, lasting relationships with other individuals.

Question 11

Why do women stay with men who beat them?

Answer 11

> Breaking off relationships goes against the basic tendencies of human nature.
We are designed to connect, not to separate, and even if the relationship is bad, we have a deeply rooted impulse not to terminate it.

Question 12

Two ingredients to belongingness:

Answer 12

1. people want some kind of regular social contact, not all interactions are equally satisfying.
2. people want the stable framework of some ongoing relationship in which the people share a mutual concern
   for each other

Question 13

What does not satisfy the need to belong

Answer 13

Aversile social contacts
> Fighting and arguing

Question 14

Why is Not belonging bad for you:

Answer 14

The need to belong is called a need, rather than merely a want, because when it is prevented, people suffer more than just being unhappy.

Failure to satisfy the need to belong leads to significant health problems, including a higher risk of death.

Question 15

A want is:

Answer 15

something that we can live without.

Question 16

A need is:

Answer 16

something that we have to have in order to be healthy
(or in order to survive)

Question 17

Ingratiation:

Answer 17

what people actively do to try to make someone like them

Question 18

Attraction: who likes whom?

Answer 18

People like good-looking, friendly people who are similar to themselves in important ways, and they like people who are nice to them.

Question 19

birds of a feather flock together

Answer 19

people mainly like others who resemble themselves.

Question 20

opposites attract

Answer 20

people are drawn to people dissimilar to themselves.

Question 21

What is a common and potent cause of attraction?

Answer 21

Similarity

Question 22

What do people who are high in self-monitoring do:

Answer 22

try to maximise each social situation.

Question 23

What do people who are low in self-monitoring do:

Answer 23

pay more attention to permanent connections and feelings rather than temporary ones.

Question 24

Self - monitoring:

Answer 24

the ability to change one’s behaviour for different situations.

Question 25

SIMILARITY IN MARRIAGE:

Answer 25

> Married partners show similarity in intelligence, physical attractiveness, education, and socioeconomic status.
Similarity not only influences initial attraction but also contributes to the development of close bonds.
Couples with greater similarity in attractiveness are more likely to progress towards loving and committed relationships.

Question 26

The matching hypothesis

Answer 26

people tend to pair up with others who are equally attractive.

Question 27

Similarity and attraction:

Answer 27

> Similarity promotes attraction for evolutionary advantages.
Attachment to similar others provides an advantage in competing cultures.
Bonding with different individuals may be risky, as newcomers aren’t initially trusted.
Preference for similarity increases the likelihood of leaving more offspring.
Learning to love often begins with family members, reinforcing a tendency to love those who are similar.

Question 28

What is the tendency of how much you know someone

Answer 28

The more they know someone, the more they like them -> rather tend to dislike someone the more they know them.

they start off assuming the other person will be similar. Once they find some dissimilarities, these seem to multiply, so that new evidence confirms dissimilarity and reduces liking.

Question 29

Social rewards

Answer 29

You make me feel good
people and animals will perform behaviours that have been rewarded more than other behaviours.

Question 30

Reinforcement theory:

Answer 30

people and animals will perform behaviours that have been rewarded more than they will perform other behaviours.

Question 31

Two themes of ingratiation research confirm the importance of interpersonal rewards:

Answer 31

1. First broad strategy: FAVOURS
2. Second broad strategy: PRAISE

Question 32

Why do rewards promote liking?

Answer 32

> Rewards lead to liking by satisfying wants and needs.
Organisms learn to like entities that provide what they want.
Association of feeling good with someone through classical conditioning strengthens liking.

Question 33

Tit for tat: reciprocity and liking:

Answer 33

if I do something for you, you should do something for me in return.

Question 34

a single trait that stands out as most valued in social relationships

Answer 34

Trustworthiness

Question 35

ONE-SIDED LOVE ATTRACTIVENESS

Answer 35

> Research on unrequited love shows positive attraction when reciprocation is desired.
If uninterested in reciprocating, the attraction may become burdensome or problematic.

Question 36

If you want to form a long-term relationship with someone

Answer 36

you will generally be happier if that person is a moral person.

Question 37

TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS:

Answer 37

> Trust is essential in relationships.
Trust depends on moral traits.
Good self-control is crucial for earning trust and forming a basis for moral behavior.

Question 38

Another pattern is less intuitively obvious:

Answer 38

People sometimes like others based on nothing more than familiarity.
They grow to like people whom they encounter on a regular basis.

Question 39

Propinquity

Answer 39

being near someone on a regular basis.

Question 40

FAMILIARITY AND LIKING:

Answer 40

> Familiarity and shared experiences promote liking.
Rooted in deep evolutionary history, reinforcing stability and social bonds.
Preference for the familiar helps create a stable environment.
Important not to overstate; not everyone becomes loved through regular exposure.
Social allergy effect: Partner’s annoying habits may intensify with repeated exposure.

Question 41

Social allergy effect

Answer 41

the idea that a partner’s annoying habits become more annoying over time.

Question 42

What can make bad things worse

Answer 42

Familiarity and repeated exposure

Question 43

Looking good:

Answer 43

Some of the advantages of good looks fall into the stereotype that has been called the “what is beautiful is good effect”

Question 44

What is beautiful is good effect

Answer 44

the assumption that physically attractive people will be superior to others on many other traits.

Question 45

People assume that physically attractive people will be superior to others on many other traits.
These traits include:

Answer 45

-happiness.
-sexual warmth.
-popularity.
-intelligence.
-success.

Question 46

Several key differences between online dating and the more conventional (offline) sort:

Answer 46

1. Online dating expands potential partners and makes meeting easier.
   > Offline options shrink after college, limited to work, blind dates, or chance encounters.
   > Online supply appears almost limitless, especially in large cities.
2. Communication before meeting is facilitated in online dating.
   > Extensive computer communication before face-to-face meetings.
   > Allows for prolonged messaging, enabling preliminary evaluations and relationship building.
3. Online services utilize algorithms to help find compatible partners.
   > Formulas select people who match well based on user data.
   > Aimed at assisting users in searching for the best partners from the database.

Question 47

question of whether online dating really improves outcomes

Answer 47

Online dating vastly increases the number of potential partners

Communicating by computer can be helpful, but it is not a substitute for face-to-face interaction

Question 48

Ostracism:

Answer 48

being excluded, rejected, and ignored by others.

Question 49

Effects of rejection: inner reactions.

Answer 49

-pain.
-illness.
-depression.
-suicidal thoughts.
-eating disorders.
-helplessness.
-promiscuity.

Their self-esteem suffers, and they feel worthless.

Question 50

Rejection sensitivity:

Answer 50

a tendency to expect rejection from others and to become hypersensitive to possible rejection

Question 51

What does rejection sensitivity cause

Answer 51

push others away, which then damages relationships, causing more rejection and increasing the sensitivity.

Question 52

Effects of Rejection:

Answer 52

1. Rejection often implies the rejector’s lack of concern for the relationship, causing common hurt feelings.
2. Intensity of hurt depends on the individual’s investment in the relationship and clarity of the rejection sign.
3. Initial response to rejection is often numbness rather than immediate distress.
4. Biologically rooted, social rejection triggers a response similar to physical pain, leading to numbness.
5. Numbness may result in antisocial behavior as individuals may not realize their actions drive people away.
6. Rejection affects the brain similarly to physical injury, activating areas associated with pain.
7. Rejection interferes with cognitive processing, making individuals temporarily less effective at complex reasoning.

Question 53

Behavioural effects of rejection.

Answer 53

rejected people are typically less generous, less cooperative, and less helpful

They act in short-sighted, impulsive, even self-destructive ways.

Question 54

Loneliness

Answer 54

the painful feeling of wanting more human contact or connection than you have.

Question 55

Qualities of lonely people

Answer 55

Lonely people are not that different from non-lonely people.
They do not differ in intelligence or attractiveness.
They spend about the same amount of time interacting with other people.

Question 56

variations in loneliness

Answer 56

1. Temporary loneliness is common during relocation and separation from friends and family.
2. Feelings often diminish when new friendships are established in the new environment.
3. Chronic loneliness persists for months or even years in some individuals.

Question 57

Where does loneliness originate from

Answer 57

a gap between the amount or quality of social relationships that you have and the amount or
quality that you want.

Question 58

What leads to social rejection?

Answer 58

Children are rejected by their peers for three main reasons.
1. first, aggressive children are rejected, possibly because children do not like violence and will avoid bullies and others whom they regard as dangerous.

2. second, some children withdraw from contact with others, and they in turn are rejected by others. the avoidance of withdrawn, isolated children increase into adolescence, which creates a particular problem for people who move toward adulthood becoming more and more disconnected from social groups.
3. third, and related to the other two, deviance leads to rejection.

Question 59

Bad apple effect:

Answer 59

the idea that one person who breaks the rules can inspire other people to break the rules too.

Question 60

Many attributions can be sorted along two dimensions:

Answer 60

1. internal/external
2. stable/unstable.

Question 61

Unrequited love:

Answer 61

a situation in which one person loves another but the other does not return that love.

Question 62

Rejector vs rejected

Answer 62

The rejected lovers experience a kind of emotional roller coaster, in which they alternate between hopeful, exciting, passionate feelings, and insecure despair.
They suffer intensely, but they are also drawn to the good parts, and they tend to look back on a failed love with some bittersweet affection.

In contrast, the rejecters tend to think there was nothing good about the episode, and they are more likely to wish
the whole thing had never happened.

Question 63

Stalking

Answer 63

persisting in romantic, courtship (for example, repeated phone calls) or other behaviours that frighten and
harass the rejecter in a relationship.