attraction & relationships Flashcards
What do unfulfilled needs lead to
Psychological and physical pain
Psychosomatic pain
depression and sometimes suicide
Define loneliness
Feeling deprived of human connection
Define intimate loneliness
lack of partner or best friend
Define relational loneliness
Lack of professonal connections (school, work, business, etc.)
Define collective loneliness
Lack of group relations
Define familial loneliness
Lack of familial connections (estranged, orphaned, loss, etc)
What are the two ways of combatting loneliness
Adaptive: friendliness, therapy, group activities, etc.
Maladaptive: Drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships.
What factors lead to attraction
Propinquity
Similarity
Reciprocity
Misattribution of Arousal
Warmth and trustworthiness
Attraction & physical appearance
Prestige and attractivness
Explain propinquity and how it affects attraction
Close spatial distance is the single greatest predictor of liking. Liking goes up as encounters go up
Explain similarity and how it affects attraction
Percieved similarity increases attraction and attraction increases perceived similarity. Both physical and psychological
Explain reciprocity and how it affects attraction
people like people who like them. reciprocal self-disclosure.
How is “playing hard to get” explained with reciprocity in mind
People want to feel special and unique
Not someone who will fall for anyone
Working to get someone can be rewarding but rejection is a huge turn off.
Explain misattribution of arousal and how it affects attraction
High physical arousal in any form can lead to attraction.
High anxiety is shown to result in higher arousal. Couples who engage in adventure sports together report elevated levels of intimacy after activities. Falling in love with kidnapper or an abuser. Refusing to leave toxic relationships.
Explain warmth and trustworthiness and how it affects attraction
cues of trust, stability, reliability and long-term intentions = long terjm interest
Short term is the opposite: cues of narcassism, rule-breaking, risk-taking
especially when women rate men
Explain attraction & physical appearance and how it affects attraction
Symmetry and proportionality is universally attractive.
Men are more attracive with a strong jaw, cheekbones
Women are more attractive with large eyes and full lips.
Attractive waist-hip ratio: .7 for women, 1.0 for men
Cultural variation for body art, body size, weight, skin colour.
Explain status and how it affects attraction
Women rated man in bentley more attractive. Car did not affect mens ratings of women
Women rated man in suit more attractive than same man in Burger King outfit.
What are the two basic challenges of organisms
Survival (food, growth, health, defence)
Reproduction (aiding of next generation)
What do men and women both want in a partner
Kindness, intelligence, beauty, creativity, charm, wit, status, wealth, etc.
What do men emphasise more in their needs for a partner
youth and beauty
what do women emphasize more in their needs for a partner
status
Why are women more selective and “choosy” about their partners
There is more at stake, it can cost years of investment if they make a mistake. gestation is 9 months, breastfeeding is physically demanding.
Explain the peacock principle
Males of many species “show off” to impress females. Humor: men produce more, women judge more. Conspicuous spending: men show off resources especailly when women will notice. Helping behaviour: Men donate far more while on dates.
Explain the male short-term mating strategy
More access to mates, possibly more offspring, decrease standards
Explain the female short-term mating strategy
More access to resources, high-quality men, increase standards.
Explain the long-term mating strategy
Marriage is universal: formal ritual resource exchage, social bonds, families connected.
Creates stable home environment, investment. optimal environment for child success.
Successful children grow up happy, healthy, securely attached, good parenting. They have easier time securing quality mate.
Explain how a stressful environment can affect mating strategies
Stressful environments motivate short-term strategies: inconsistent food, protection, predictability. Have children earlier, have more children, less time and energy invested because the individual may not live that long.
explain how a stable, low-stress environment can affect mating strategies
low stress environments motivate long term mating strategies as there is consistent food, protection and predictability so they can afford to wait for the optimal person and invest more time and effort to each of their children of which there will be less of.
what are the two functions served by caregivers
Safe base for exploration
Secure haven when trouble appears
what is secure attachment
the most common type of attachment where the person has a positive view of their self and their partner. The partners rely on one another, and their relationship involves trust, reliability and stability
What is anxious attachment
seen in about 25% of the population, more common in women. These individuals fear that others are inconsistent and fear that others may fail them and as such need lots of reassurance which puts pressure on their partners
What is avoidant attachment
Seen in about 15% of the population, more common among men. These individuals are more concerned about too much intimacy as relying on others makes them vulnerable and gives them the idea that they need to remain strong and self sufficient and as such can undermine attempts to get closer
What are the traits of a secure-attachment relationship
less anger, more constructive responses to conflict
What are the traits of an anxious-attachment relationship
Less control of anger, self-directed anger
What are the traits of an avoidant-attachment relationship
Hostility, attempt to escape, lack of awareness
What is the main difference between a child-parent relationship and an adult relationship
child-parent relationship is a one way relationship - parents give while children receive. while adult relationships are reciprocal - both give and receive.
What are the three parts to Sternberg’s triangle theory of love
Commitment
Intimacy
Passion
Explain the Sternberg triangle over time
intimacy rise steadily throughout the relationship
Passion spikes early and drops off and remains level throughout
commitment rises slower than intimacy at the start but rises and remains above it as the relationship continues.
What are the four horsemen on the negative spiral in a relationship
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
How do you improve upon a negative spiral in a relationship
Halt the negative spiral - avoid fighting poison with poison and be the bigger person - apologize and de-escalate
Initiate positive spiral - do something unexpected and thoughtful
