Assignment Five

Question 0

Under the tutelage of their parents, children form their self concepts in the in formal classroom called home. True or false?

Answer 0

True.

Question 1

Give two goals of moving from self-centered to Christ centered living:

Answer 1

Present the biblical basis of the life transforming, accurate identity which belongs to every Christian.
Present practical counseling suggestions, to guide adult children through their temporary, change oriented self-focus into the self- acceptance and self-forgetfulness which enables them to focus more fully on Jesus Christ.

Question 2

More affirming and appropriate caregivers become surrogate parents who teach the child a more accurate identity curriculum. true or false?

Answer 2

True.

Question 3

Remember, there are only two possibilities in the all or nothing thinking pattern prevalent in alcoholic family: only a one or a 10. True or false?

Answer 3

True.

Question 4

The Bible clearly shows God’s view of us as objects of his unconditional love. True or false?

Answer 4

True.

Question 5

Children of alcoholics don’t know how to live a healthy lifestyle because their parents didn’t model healthy behavior. true or false?

Answer 5

True.

Question 6

Janet Woititz summarizes healthy relationships and six, brief statements, list them.

Answer 6

I can be me. 
You can be you. 
We can be us. 
I can grow. 
You can grow. 
We can grow together.

Question 7

List the nine traits of respectful relationships.

Answer 7

Mutual respect. 
Agape love. 
Mutual trust. 
Mutual honesty. 
Realistic expectations. 
Open communication. 
Social networks. 
Prompt forgiveness. 
Increasing intimacy.

Question 8

List nine codependency misbeliefs.

Answer 8

My desires must dictate your appearance and behavior because you are an extension of me and I can feel good about myself only when others approve of both of us.
Your desires may dictate my appearance and behavior because
I am an extension of you and can feel good about myself only when you approve of me.
I can be happy only when you are happy.
If you really knew me you would discover I am not perfect, and you would abandon me.
We will be as one, and we will do everything together.
We will always agree, and we will never criticize each other.
You instinctively will anticipate my every need and desire.
We will trust each other totally, automatically, and immediately.
Trusting and being vulnerable in a relationship always bring pain.

Question 9

In codependent relationships fear of abandonment is displayed in what two ways?

Answer 9

Approval addiction.

High tolerance for inappropriate behavior.

Question 10

Some adult children are what could be called “porcupines”. These porcupine adults, who are frequently males, seem to avoid deep commitments and close relationships. True or false?

Answer 10

True.

Question 11

Instead of moving to a middle ground, adult children of alcoholics tend to become fixed in one extreme or the other, as “porcupines” or “vacuum cleaners”.

Answer 11

True.

Question 12

Give it a synopsis of the Georgia case.

Answer 12

Georgia felt she should’ve been born an adult. She felt guilty whenever she needed help with anything. Being a kid in an environment where her mother was so overwhelmed with the messes her alcoholic father was making, she felt she was a burden on the whole family. The “you are” becomes the “I am”. Nothing she did was good enough. She was a mistake. Colossians 3:21, fathers are told, “do not exasperate your children,that they may not lose heart.” Unrealistic parental expectations should be avoided for they cause children to “lose heart” and see themselves as never measuring up.

Question 13

List the major misbeliefs in faulty identity:

Answer 13

I don’t deserve to exist.
Because I’ll never be normal.
Since normal people are perfect. Therefore I must pretend to be perfect to live among normal people.

Question 14

List 12 guidelines for counselors and other helpers in assisting adult children to develop an accurate identity.

Answer 14

Review counseling suggestions from chapter 8.(The mind renewal process).
Teach the concept of parents as “marred mirrors.”
Identify childhood “labels” and identify messages.
Identify current identity misbeliefs.
Present the Bible basis of an accurate identity.
From Scripture, list elements of every Christians identity.
Introduce or reinforce thought stopping and substituting.
Introduce the technique of thought focusing.(meditating on mind renewing Scriptures).
Assign step four of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 – step program: we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Assign step five of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 – step program: we admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Introduce the idea of treating oneself with realistic respect and agape love.
Assess patterns of self – care.(Setting appropriate boundaries and refusing to tolerate abuse.)

Question 15

Explain the frog syndrome:

Answer 15

A woman kissed a frog. She was hoping it would turn into a prince. Instead she turned into a frog. Alcoholics and people with other compulsive disorders are attractive people. They radiate power, energy, and charm. They promise the world. Never mind that they deliver pain. We must deal with Co-dependent characteristics or we will continue to kiss frogs, that is to draw other co-dependents to us.

Question 16

List 14 counseling guidelines for counseling the adult children of alcoholics:

Answer 16

Identify and assess codependent, disrespectful relationship patterns. Assign and discuss books that describe the present issues and connect the counselee to the past. Examine the adults use of others to fill his or her own sense of emptiness. Assign a Bible study on God as the satisfier of our deepest needs.
Assign a search for new relationship models.
Assign a study of the Gospels’ to identify Jesus’ relating patterns.
Reframe “abandonment.”
Introduce the concept of responsibility discrimination. (Responsibility discrimination is the process by which an adult distinguishes between being responsible for and be responsible to another person.)
Clarify the need for realistic respect and appropriate trust.
Teach “share – check – share.” Share – check – share is a slow process in which adult children share a small part of themselves and then check the response of the other person. If that person is kind interested and respectful it may be safe to share more at a later time.
Help establish goals and strategies for change.
Consider requiring withdrawal from codependent relationships.