Act 1 End

Question 1

Monica leaves after barrel Willard crack.

Answer 1

So you’re taking Joanna to the Haymarket tomorrow night are you?

Question 2

Yes, why?

Answer 2

I think I shall come too.

Question 3

All right, that’ll be grand. I’ve got a box, there’s lots of room.

Answer 3

Why have you been so mournful lately?

Question 4

I haven’t been in the least mournful.

Answer 4

Oh yes, you have, Liz has noticed it and so have I.

Question 5

Well, you’re both quite wrong. I am perfectly happy.

Answer 5

You like Joanna, don’t you?

Question 6

Of course I do, she’s a darling.

Answer 6

I wouldn’t call her a darling exactly, but then I don’t see very much of her. I gather you do.

Question 7

What are you getting at?

Answer 7

People are talking, Morris

Question 8

What about?

Answer 8

About you and Joanna.

Question 9

Rubbish!

Answer 9

It’s perfectly true, and you know it.

Question 10

I don’t know anything of the sort.

Answer 10

Are you in love with her?

Question 11

In love with Joanna? Of course I’m not.

Answer 11

Do you swear to me that you haven’t had an affair with Joanna?

Question 12

I am damned if I’ll be cross questions like this.

Answer 12

Have you or haven’t you?

Question 13

Mind your own business.

Answer 13

My God, if this isn’t my business nothing is. If you’re fooling about with Joanna and Hugo finds out, do you realize what it will mean?

Question 14

I refuse to go on with this conversation.

Answer 14

You can refuse until you’re blue in the face, you’re going to listen to me.

Question 15

Leave me alone.

Answer 15

Sit down, Morris, this is serious.

Question 16

I have no intention of submitting to one of your famous finger wagging tirades — I’m sick to death of them.

Answer 16

Very well, I’m not going to ask you one more question, I’m not even going to Bellow at you, much. I am however going to make you see one thing clearly, and it is this. You and Hugo and Monica and Liz and I share something of inestimable importance to all of us, and that something is mutual respect and trust. God knows it’s been hard one. We can look back on years and years of bitter conflict with ourselves and with each other. But now, now that we’re all middle-aged we can admit, with a certain mellow tranquility, that it’s been well worth it. Here we are, five people closely woven together by affection and work and intimate knowledge of each other. It’s too important a set up to risk breaking for any outside emotional reason whatsoever. Joanna is alien to us. She doesn’t really belong to us and never could. Hugo realizes that perfectly well, he’s nobody’s fool and to do him justice he has never try to force her on us. But don’t believe for a minute that Joanna isn’t a potential danger, because she is! She’s 100% female, exceedingly attractive and ruthlessly implacable in the pursuit of anything she wants. If she can succeed in wreaking havoc among all of us I am quite certain she would leave no stone unturned she’s a scalp Hunter, that baby, if I ever saw one, and all I am for you is this. Be careful! You need not answer me but be careful! Is that clear?

Question 17

Perfectly. I think I’ll have a little more sharing.

Answer 17

I am calling the restaurant — never made a reservation.

Question 18

There’s no need, we can always go upstairs.

Answer 18

Upstairs smells of potted shrimps, it won’t take a minute to ring up. Hello — oh, I’m sorry, it’s a wrong number.