Act 1-5 After Daphne Before Maule

Question 1

She’s not your cup of tea.

Answer 1

Who isn’t?

Question 2

Joanna.

Answer 2

She’s not bad. A bit predatory perhaps, but as far as I can see everybody’s a bit predatory — everybody’s stalks their game as far as I can see.

Question 3

Liz: I shall give it up for Lent.

Answer 3

Good morning, darling, where is my present?

Question 4

Liz: on the piano.

Answer 4

It’s not another one of those damn glass horses, is it?

Question 5

Liz: no, it’s a dressing gown for Africa.

Answer 5

Oh, Liz, it’s wonderful. Just what I wanted — it’s absolutely charming — thank you, darling, I’m mad about it. It really is the perfect taste, the best Sort of colonial propaganda! Say some thing about it, Monica.

Question 6

Mr. mole will be here in a minute

Answer 6

Who’s he?

Question 7

A great success that you promised him an appointment.

Answer 7

I can’t see him — you ought to protect me from things like that.

Question 8

Serves you right for snatching the telephone when I wasn’t looking.

Answer 8

I’ve noticed a great change in you lately, Monica. I don’t know whether it’s because you’ve given up cramming yourself with potatoes or what it is. But you’re getting nastier with every day that passes. Go away.

Question 9

I am going. I shall be in the office if you want me.

Answer 9

Of course you’ll be in the office, spinning awful plots and intrigues against me.

Question 10

I will if I can think of any.

Answer 10

Shut the telephone off.

Question 11

All right.

Answer 11

Now then, tell me all about your trip and everything. What did you think of the play?

Question 12

Liz: I thought it was wonderful.

Answer 12

That good?

Question 13

Quite willing to let us do what we like as long as you play it.

Answer 13

How right!

Question 14

Now that I want to talk to you about something.

Answer 14

I don’t like that tone at all. What’s on your mind?

Question 15

Don’t you think it’s time you started to relax?

Answer 15

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Question 16

Who is that poor little creature I saw here this morning and evening dress?

Answer 16

She’d lost her latchkey.

Question 17

They often do.

Answer 17

No listen to me Liz —

Question 18

You’re over 40, you know.

Answer 18

Only just.

Question 19

And in my humble opinion all those casual scampering about is rather undignified.

Answer 19

Scampering indeed! You have a genius for putting things unpleasantly.

Question 20

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not taking a moral view, I gave that up as hopeless years ago.

Answer 20

It’s all very fine for you to come roaring back from Paris where are you been up to God knows what, and start to bully me —

Question 21

I’m not bullying you.

Answer 21

Yes, you are. You’re sitting smug as be damned on an awful little cloud and blowing down on me.

Question 22

Don’t bluster.

Answer 22

Who left my bed and Board — deserted me — left me a pray to everybody? Answer me that!

Question 23

I did, thank God.

Answer 23

Well then.

Question 24

Would you have liked me to have stayed?

Answer 24

Certainly not, you drove me mad.

Question 25

Well, stop shilly-shallying about that and pay attention.

Answer 25

This is, to date, the most irritating morning of my life.

Question 26

You have reached a moment in your life what a little restraint would be becoming.

Answer 26

La de da.

Question 27

You’re an eminent man advancing, with every sign of reluctance, into middle-age.

Answer 27

May God forgive you.

Question 28

We’ve watched it going on monotonously for 20 years.

Answer 28

I met you for the first time exactly 11 years ago next August, And you were wearing a very silly hat.

Question 29

Think what fun would be to be unattractive for a minute or two. Why, you might take to it like a duck to water.

Answer 29

Dear Liz, you really are very sweet.

Question 30

Oh dear, I might as well have been talking Chinese.

Answer 30

I admit I’m a trifle reckless every now and then, but I really don’t do much harm to anybody.

Question 31

You do harm to yourself into the few, the very few, who really mind about you.

Answer 31

I suppose you’ve discussed all this with Monica and Maurice and Hugo?

Question 32

I haven’t yet, but I will unless I see some side of improvement.

Answer 32

Blackmail, hey?

Question 33

You know how you hate it when we all make a concerted pounds.

Answer 33

The thing that astonishes me in life is peoples arrogance! It’s fantastic. Look at you all! Gossiping in corners, whispering behind your fans, telling me what to do and what not to do. It’s downright sauce, that’s what it is. What happens if I relax my loving hold on any of you for a minute? — disaster! I happen to go to New York to play a three month season. Hugo immediately gets pneumonia, goes to Biarritz to recover, meets Joanna and marries her! I go away for a brief holiday in the south of France, and when I come back what do I find? You and Morris between you had bought the Dullest Hungarian play ever written and produced it with Phoebe Lucas in the leading part. Phoebe Lucas, playing a glamorous courtesan with a bat as much sex appeal as a smoked haddock! How long did it run? One week! And that was only because the press said it was lascivious.

Question 34

Isn’t this is a little beside the point?

Answer 34

Certainly not. 20 years ago Hugo put all his money into that lousy play, the lost Cavalier,. And who played it for 18 months to capacity with extra matinees? I did. And who started his whole career as a producer in that play? Maurice!

Question 35

I wish you’d stop asking questions and answering them yourself, it’s making me giddy.

Answer 35

Where would they have been without me? Where would Monica be now if I hadn’t snatched her away from that sinister old out of hers and given her a job?

Question 36

With the sinister old aunt.

Answer 36

And you! Dear! You! One of the most depressing melancholy actresses on the English stage. Where would you be if I hadn’t forced you to give up acting and start writing?

Question 37

Acting.

Answer 37

Good God! I even had to marry you to do it.

Question 38

Yes and a fine gesture that turned out to be.

Answer 38

You adored me, you know you did.

Question 39

I still do, dear. You’re so chivalrous, rubbing it in how dependent we are on you for every breath we take.

Answer 39

I didn’t say that.

Question 40

….. we stopped you in the nick of time, from playing peer Gynt.

Answer 40

I still maintain I should’ve been magnificent as peer Gynt.

Question 41

Above all, we stop you from over acting.

Answer 41

You have now gone too far, Liz, I think you had better go away somewhere.

Question 42

I’ve only just come back.

Answer 42

Monica!— Monica! Come here at once.

Question 43

Mon:

What on earth’s the matter?

Answer 43

Have you or have you not seen me over act?

Question 44

Frequently.

Answer 44

It’s a conspiracy! — I knew it!

Question 45

As a matter of fact you’re over acting now.

Answer 45

Very well — I give in — everybody’s against me — it doesn’t matter about me — oh no — I’m only the breadwinner. It doesn’t matter how much I am wounded and insulted! It doesn’t matter that my timorous belief in myself should be subtly undermined.

Question 46

Your belief in yourself is about as timorous as napoleons.

Answer 46

And look what happened to him, poor chap. He died forsaken and alone on a lousy little island all surrounded by water.

Question 47

Islands have that in common.

Answer 47

You’re trying to be funny now because you’re ashamed. I doubt if any of you would care a Fig if I were exiled forever tomorrow. You’d probably be delighted. I expect that’s why I’m being forced to go to Africa.

Question 48

Now that about Morris I want you to concentrate for a minute.

Answer 48

How can I concentrate? You come here and say the most awful things to me, tear the heart out of me and jump up and down on it and then say calmly — “now then about Maurice,” as though you’d been discussing the weather.

What about Maurice? What’s wrong?

Question 49

I think you’ll have to do a little of your famous finger wagging it’s it’s Joanna.

Answer 49

Joanna?

Question 50

Maurice is in love with her.

Answer 50

How do you know?

Question 51

I don’t know how far it’s gone, or any details, but I do know that if it’s true some thing out to be done about it and at once.

Answer 51

Does Hugo suspect anything?

Question 52

I don’t think so, but then he never would, would he? Until it was shoved under his nose.

Answer 52

He ought never to have married that stereotyped diamond-studded siren. I always said it was a grave mistake.

Question 53

I don’t think she’s a stereotype is all that, but she’s dangerous all right.

Answer 53

Oh God, it’s too tired some, really it is — it’ll upset all my plans for Africa.

Question 54

If Hugo finds out it might bust up everything.

Answer 54

It might stop the whole trip. What are we to do, Liz?

There’s that beastly young man from Uckfield and here I am trembling like a leaf. I can’t face him, I can’t!

Question 55

You’ve got to if you promised.

Answer 55

My life is one long torment and nobody even remotely cares.

Question 56

It might not be the young man at all, it might be Maurice.

Answer 56

To hell with Morris. To hell with everybody.

Question 57

Don’t be idiotic.

Answer 57

It isn’t Maurice. He isn’t coming until 1 o’clock.

Question 58

I shall be in until 115, telephone me when he’s gone.

Answer 58

I’m lunching with him. He won’t go. I can’t give you a detailed report of his love life over the telephone with him in the room.

Question 59

Well dial my number and when I answer just say, I’m sorry — wrong number, then I shall know.

Answer 59

What were you know?

Question 60

That everything’s all right. But if you say I’m so terribly sorry it’s a wrong number, I’ll know that everything’s all wrong and be round in a flash to back you up.

Answer 60

Intrigue! My whole existence is enmeshed in intrigue.

Question 61

Sorry it’s a wrong number everything all right, so terribly sorry it’s a wrong number everything wrong.

Answer 61

Yes

Question 62

Will you promise to do it?

Answer 62

Yes! I’ll tell you another fascinating thing about my life here if you care to hear it. Nobody in this house ever answers a bell under a half an hour. Miss Erickson — Fred —

Question 63

I’m going now, remember I shall be in until I hear from you.

Answer 63

Miss Erickson! — Fred! Monica! The front doorbell, Miss Erickson, has been peeling incessantly for 20 minutes.

Question 64

Alas yes, but there’s a woman at the back door with a tiny baby.

Answer 64

What does she want?

Question 65

I do not know, there was no time to ask her.

Answer 65

Most of the silver is gone by now, I expect.

Question 66

Monica:

did you call?

Answer 66

Monica, there’s a woman at the back door with a tiny baby! Go and deal with her.

Question 67

What does she want?

Answer 67

That can only be discovered by asking her. Kindly do so.