_Guidelines Flashcards
My behaviour is in my control.
People control their urges constantly around the world.
I must act not like a jealous person but confident and happy in my own skin. Imagine I’m not jealous. Act against the grain.
At first not comfortable but will become easier.
If submit to jealousy, it will only worsen.
Act against the grain.
Dispute in head, accept feelings and don’t act in accordance with feelings. Not easy to start but need:
Repetition and forcefulness.
Sit with feeling!
Accept emotions in my body
Force mind into rationality
Act against feelings.
I want to rid my negative feeling like depression. I try to do this by controlling what she does.
It is important I don’t act in a way that avoids these feelings i.e. tell her not to do stuff. Never try to control everything or get her to change
I model behaviour of confident man.
Gets easy with more practice.
Tolerate these feelings.
I can stand them. Accept them.
I have a very low frustration tolerance to negative feelings. I need to move to a place where I can stand those feelings. They are a human experience, not something abnormal.
The more I say that I can’t cope, the harder it’ll be. It’s not true that I can’t cope!
When triggered, never act in accordance with jealous feelings
If I feel like withdrawing - don’t.
If I feel like being upset with her - don’t.
She’s a free spirit. It’s her personality.
If there is no evidence of foul play, I have to have trust in order for the relationship to work.
The aim is to avoid getting stuck in irrational beliefs, rather than preventing them altogether, which is impossible.
The stuck state is caused by awfulising, LFT and putting myself down.
If I accept the irrational thoughts I won’t be as scared!
Unhealthy rigid life view: it has to, it must, it must not.
Healthy version - repeat it like a mantra! It’s a commitment:
I live my life on a choose to, want to, would like to, love to basis, NOT have to.
Live my philosophy on life:
ANTI have to
ANTI awfulising
High frustration tolerance
I unconditionally accept myself.
Apply my philosophy to EVERY negative thought for practice. The theory is universal!
As soon as in triggered: Find demand Dispute along with derivatives Repeat healthy versions Sit with feeling Act against irrationality with energy, forcefully, repeatedly.
