40 Year Old Virgin

Question 1

Look out motherfucker…. Oh come on.

Answer 1

You know how much time I waste on women? You know, I wanted to go to culinary school. I wanted to open up a restaurant. I was always so busy dipping my wick that I never even focused at all. And now that I’m celibate

Question 2

You’re gonna open a restaurant?

Answer 2

Not really.

Question 3

Yea…you didn’t even touch me man. “Flawless victory.”

Answer 3

But that’s about to change. I feel great.

Question 4

You look really depressed.

Answer 4

I look great.

Question 5

I’ve never seen you more miserable in my life.

Answer 5

I…Really, I feel like a new man.

Question 6

You’re gonna kill yourself, aren’t you?

Answer 6

I feel like ten men.

Question 7

How are you gonna do it when you do it?

Answer 7

You know what? You’re totally not listening to me here.

Question 8

Are you gonna do it at work?

Answer 8

I’ve discovered a new lease on life…all because I don’t want to put penis in vagina.

Question 9

Just don’t do it somewhere I’ll find you, cause that would be gross to have to see.

Answer 9

I am not going to kill myself.

Question 10

Would you get run over by a car?

Answer 10

Head in the oven.

Question 11

Does that even work, head in the oven?

Answer 11

I don’t know, isn’t that how people do it?

Question 12

I feel like you just light your hair on fire

Answer 12

What the hell do you even know about that stuff?

Question 13

I know about lots of stuff. I research everything because of my novel.

Answer 13

Do you write, like, gay detective stories?

Question 14

Yea that’s funny. No, I’m writing a very hard hitting-

Answer 14

Are you writing one called Private Dick?

Question 15

It is actually about the army.

Answer 15

That sounds gay.

Question 16

It’s not gay, ok? It’s about a guy who wants to make his father happy. So he joins the military and he goes AWOL and travels America, running from the government and learning to love himself.

Answer 16

Yea, that sounds gay.

Question 17

He actually does turn out to be gay. Could you tell just from the description that he turns out to be gay? Should I change that?

Answer 17

I think you can tell that the writer is gay.

Question 18

That is not gay. It’s artistic. You’re gay.

Answer 18

You’re so gay.

Question 19

You’re gay because Amy told me that you had trouble getting it up a few times.

Answer 19

You’re gay for saying that.

Question 20

You’re the gay one.

Answer 20

You’re so gay.

Question 21

You’re so fucking gay.

Answer 21

You, you’re so gay that…

Question 22

Yeah?… You’re dead (game)

Answer 22

Just because I wear unstuffed construction boots…some really small jeans shorts and drink a lot of tea, doesn’t make me gay. Wanting to suck on your balls makes me gay.

Question 23

That’s what makes you gay, yea.. Well I’m glad you figured that out. But even gay people aren’t celibate. You should just accept it and go with it.

Answer 23

I am going with the celibacy, I’m telling you man.

Question 24

What does that mean?

Answer 24

It means I’m not having sex.

Question 25

Well, can you masturbate?

Answer 25

Yeah you can masturbate.

Question 26

Could you fuck, like, a couch or something?

Answer 26

I mean, I suppose you could and technically still be celibate.

Question 27

That’s good.

Answer 27

But I’m not going to hump a couch.

Question 28

Could you hump an ottoman?

Answer 28

I think that still falls under the couch category.

Question 29

Could you, like fuck a melon? Could you cut a hole in a cantaloupe and do it?

Answer 29

You could do that too.

Question 30

Could you fuck, like, a glove full of jelly?

Answer 30

Yea, you could fuck a glove. I mean, that’s just creepy.