3 Master My Stories Flashcards
Problem: When it matters the most and our emotions kick in, we often do our worst–and we feel like we’re doing the right thing. The Solution…
Learn how to create emotions that make you want to return to healthy dialogue.
Our stories create our emotions. What are the four steps and causes of emotions?
- See & hear
- Tell your story
- Generate a feeling
- Act
Retrace your path to action (3)
1) Skilled people cut off their unhealthy emotions at the source
2) They stop telling and believing the story
3) Instead, they retrace their path to the source–what they saw and heard.
What is a fact?
An actual occurrence–something that can be proven through observation or measurement (eg., what you saw vs. what you thought about what you saw).
How are stories different from facts?
Stories are judgement, conclusions, and attributions that we make from the facts.
Why separate facts from stories?
Once you separate facts from stories, you realize that the same facts could be used to tell an infinite number of stories.
Skill #2: Watch for three clever stories
We often tell stories that help us feel good about doing things that ruin our relationships and results. They propel our emotions and help us justify our behavior.
Victim Stories - Statement and impact…
“It’s my fault!” With these stories, we’re innocent sufferers.
Villain Stories - Statement and impact…
“It’s all your fault!” These stories emphasize others’ nasty qualities and typically rely on ugly labels.
Helpless Stories - Statement and impact…
“There’s nothing else I can do!” These convince us that we have no healthy options for taking action.
Skill #3: Turn Yourself from a Victim into a…
Contributor - “What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem?”
Skill #3: Turn Others from Villains into…
Humans - “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?”
Skill #3: Turn Yourself from Helpless into…
Able - “What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?”
