1. Intro Flashcards
Understanding the fundamentals of nonviolent communication
When someone says “how are you?” what does it equate to in terms of nonviolent communication?
A: What’s _____ in you?
What’s alive in you?
How do you answer for what is alive in you?
A: Develop a literacy of f_______ and n____, and
1. Tell people what they’re doing that is en____ing your life
2. Bring to their attention the things they could do to make your life more w_______l
Develop a literacy of feelings and needs, and
1. Tell people what they’re doing that is enriching your life
2. Bring to their attention the things they could do to make your life more wonderful
What does nonviolent communication focus on?
A: What our n____ are at any given moment, and whether they’re being m__ or not
What our needs are at any given moment, and whether they’re being met or not
How are painful and pleasant feelings connected to our needs?
A: Painful feelings arise when our needs are n__ being met.
Pleasant feelings arise when our needs a__ met.
Painful feelings arise when our needs are not being met.
Pleasant feelings arise when our needs are met.
When can conflict not be resolved without everybody’s needs being met?
Never
What did Marshall say about judgement that is based on rightness and wrongness?
A: Such analyses of other human beings are t_____ ex_____ions based on our own v____s and n___s.
Such analyses of other human beings are tragic expressions based on our own values and needs.
Using nonviolent communication, how should you make judgments?
A: Judge based on whether l___ is being s____d or not.
Judge based on whether life is being served or not.
When you judge based on whether or not life is being served, how should you connect?
A: You connect in a way that everyone can continue to enjoy c_____buting to each other’s w___b___g.
You connect in a way that everyone can continue to enjoy contributing to each other’s wellbeing.
How does “punishment and reward” motivate people in the long term?
They don’t.
When someone is displeasing you, what two questions need to be asked?
A:
- What would we like the other person to do d_________y?
- What do we want the r______s to be for them to do what we are r_que_ting them to do?
- What would we like the other person to do differently?
- What do we want the reasons to be for them to do what we are requesting them to do?
(REWORD!) What is it about the following two questions that make punishment a loser?
- What would we like the other person to do differently?
- What do we want the reasons to be for doing what we are requesting them to do?
It is when you ask the second question and can verbalise your reasoning in terms of needs.
Is punishment the best (and only) way to keep social order?
No.
As a parent, educator or manager, when forcing people or children to behave in ways you desire, what inevitable consequence can you expect?
Resistence, and they will likely let you know that you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to.
As a parent, educator or manager, when forcing people or children to behave in ways you desire and they resist letting you know you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do, what is your only option when continuing to use force?
To punish and make them wish they had chosen that behaviour.
As a parent, educator or manager, when forcing people or children to behave in ways you desire and after their refusal to behave, you can choose to make them wish they had behaved by punishing them. If you do this, what inevitable consequence can you expect?
Resentment, and they will likely end up making you wish you hadn’t made them wish they’d behaved!
