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On The Razzle > Zanglers Shop Act 1 P9 > Flashcards

Zanglers Shop Act 1 P9 Flashcards

1
Q

CHRISTOPHER: He’s gone.


Ah, thank you, Mr Weinberl.

Aha, I thought so … cocoa is up six points.

A

WEINBERL: (Without looking up) When was that?

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2
Q

CHRISTOPHER: (Examining the gap of the page) Week before last.

A

WEINBERL: Does it ever occur to you, Christopher, that we’re the backbone of this country?

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3
Q

CHRISTOPHER: You and me, Mr Weinberl?

A

WEINBERL: The merchant class.

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4
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Ah yes.

A

WEINBERL: The backbone of the country. The very vertebrae of continental stability. From coccyx to clavicle – from the Carpathians to the Tyrol, from Austria to breakfast, and Hungaria to lights out, the merchant class is the backbone of the empire on which the sun shines out of our doings; do you ever say that to yourself?

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5
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Not in so many words, Mr Weinberl.

A

WEINBERL (Pulling CHRISTOPHER’s forelock) Well you should. What is it after all that distinguishes man from beast?

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6
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Not a lot, Mr Weinberl.

A

WEINBERL: Trade.

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7
Q

CHRISTOPHER: I was thinking that.

A

WEINBERL: What would we be without trade?

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8
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Closed, Mr Weinberl.

A

WEINBERL: That’s it. The shutters would go up on civilization as we know it. It’s the merchant class that holds everything together. Uniting the deep-sea fisherman and the village maiden over a pickled herring on a mahogany counter …

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9
Q

CHRISTOPHER: You’ve put me right off me rollmop.

A

WEINBERL: … We are the brokers between invention and necessity, balancing supply and demand on the knife edge of profit and loss. I give you – the merchant class!

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10
Q

CHRISTOPHER: The merchant class!
(They toast.)

A

WEINBERL: We know good times and we know bad. Sometimes trade stumbles on its march. The great machine seems to hesitate, the whirling cogwheels and reciprocating pistons disengage, an unearthly silence descends upon the mercantile world … We sit here idly twisting paper into cones, flicking a duster over piles of preserved figs and pyramids of uncertain dates, swatting flies like wanton gods off the north face of the Emmental, and gazing into the street. And then suddenly with a great roar the engine bursts into life, and the teeming world of commerce is upon us! Someone wants a pound of coffee, someone else an ounce of capers, he wants smoked eel, she wants lemons, a skivvy wants rosewater, a fat lady wants butter, but a skinny one wants whalebones, the curate comes for a candy stick, the bailiff roars for a bottle of brandy . At such times the merchant class stands alone, ordering the tumult of desire into the ledgerly rhythm of exchange with a composure as implacable as a cottage loaf. Tongue.

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11
Q

CHRISTOPEER: How is your romance, Herr Weinberl?

A

WEINBERL: As well as can be expected of a relationship based on correspondence between two post office boxes. One has to proceed cautiously with lonely hearts advertisements. There is a great deal of self-delusion among these women – although I must admit I am becoming very taken with the one who signs herself Elegant And Under Forty. I am thinking of coming out from behind my own nom de plume of Scaramouche. The trouble is, I rather think I have given her the impression that I am more or less the owner of this place …

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12
Q

CHRISTOPHER: At least you’re not a dogsbody like me.

A

WEINBERL: Dogsbody? You’re an apprentice. You’ve had a valuable training during your five years under me.

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13
Q

CHRISTOPHER: You see things differently from the dizzy heights of chief sales assistant.

A

WEINBERL: Christopher, Christopher, have a pretzel … The dignity of labour embraces servant and master, for every master is a servant too, answerable to the voice of a higher authority.

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14
Q

ZANGLER: (Outside) Weinberl!
(Without seeming to hurry WEINBERL instantly puts things to order.)

A

WEINBERL: I thought you said he’d gone.

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15
Q

ZANGLER: Ah, there you are. Is it time to open the shop?

A

WEINBERL: Not quite, Chief. I was just getting everything straight.

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15
Q

ZANGLER: What about this pretzel?

A

WEINBERL: The pretzel defeated me completely.
(To CHRISTOPHER.) Put it back.
Are you going to the parade, Herr Zangler?

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16
Q

ZANGLER: No, I’m going hunting. What do you think?

A

WEINBERL: I think you’re making fun of me, Chief.

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17
Q

ZANGLER: How does it look?

A

WEINBERL: (Tactfully) Snug.

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18
Q

ZANGLER: Do you think it should be let out?

A

WEINBERL: Not till after dark.

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19
Q

ZANGLER: What?

A

WEINBERL: No.

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20
Q

ZANGLER: Are you sure?

A

WEINBERL: I like it, Chief.

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21
Q

ZANGLER: I can’t deny it’s smart. Did you notice the medals?

A

WEINBERL: The medals? Oh yes …

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22
Q

ZANGLER: I’m rather pleased with the effect. I feel like the cake of the week.

A

WEINBERL: That’s very well put, Chief.

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23
Q

ZANGLER: I dont mean the cake of the week –

A

WEINBERL: Not the cake of the week – the Sheikh of Kuwait –

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24
Q

ZANGLER: No –
CHRISTOPHER: The clerk of the works –
ZANGLER: No!

A

WEINBERL: The cock of the walk?

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25
Q

ZANGLER: That’s the boy. I feel like the cock of the walk.

A

WEINBERL: You’ll be the pride of the Sporting and Benevolent Musical Fusiliers of the Grocers’ Company, and what wonderful work they do for the widows and orphans.

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26
Q

ZANGLER: I was just setting off when I suddenly had doubts.

A

WEINBERL: I assure you, without people like the grocers there’d be no widows and orphans at all.

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27
Q

ZANGLER: No, I mean I had doubts about leaving.

A

WEINBERL: I don’t understand you, Chief.

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28
Q

ZANGLER: My niece and ward is preying on my mind. .
ZANGLER: (Ignoring him) Something not quite the ticket. Sonders is a dyed-in-the-wool Don Juan. I’m sending Marie away for a few days. You’ll have to manage the while the till … No –

A

WEINBERL: To while the time …

29
Q

WEINBERL: To while the time …
ZANGLER: No!

A

WEINBERL: The till the while?

30
Q

ZANGLER: That’s the boy. You’ll have to manage the till the while, and do the books at the close of business. I suppose you’re prepared to do that?

A

WEINBERL: Very well prepared if I may say so, Herr Zangler.

31
Q

ZANGLER: There will be other changes. Prepare yourself for a surprise. I have always prided myself on being a good master who has made every reasonable provision for his staff.

A

WEINBERL: You have, Chief.

32
Q

ZANGLER: Well, what would you say to having a mistress?
CHRISTOPHER: One each or sharing?

A

WEINBERL: Congratulations, Chief! We wish you and your bride every happiness.

33
Q

ZANGLER: Thank you, thank you.

A

WEINBERL: May one ask who is the fortunate young lady?

34
Q

ZANGLER: Actually she’s a widow, in business like me. Well not actually like me, far from it, it’s a haute couture house with three girls working upstairs. What do you say to that?

A

WEINBERL: Well, there’s not a lot you can say, Chief.

35
Q

ZANGLER: What the devil is the matter with everybody! That’s another thing that was worrying me – leaving the place in charge of you two. I need someone with a proper sense of responsibility, not a log-rolling counter-clerk and a cack-handed apprentice.

A

WEINBERL: I’m mortified.

36
Q

CHRISTOPHER: I’m articled.

A

WEINBERL: Who have you got in mind, Chief?

37
Q

ZANGLER: Well, you two of course!

A

WEINBERL: I mean to put in charge with a sense of responsibility?After all it is just for one afternoon,

38
Q

ZANGLER: To celebrate my nuptials I have decided to appoint you chief sales assistant.

A

WEINBERL: Such an honour is granted to such a few. Show your gratitude, then. He’s stunned, Chief.

39
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Thank you, Chief!

A

WEINBERL: Excuse me, Chief. Am I your chief sales assistant or am I not?

40
Q

ZANGLER: You are not. I have decided to make you my partner. To take effect from the day of my marriage.

A

WEINBERL: (Stunned) Me? Your partner?

41
Q

ZANGLER: Yes. As a married man who has come into possession of a couture establishment I will be spending more time away from here. It’s only right that you should have an interest in the prosperity of the business, and probably cheaper.

A

WEINBERL: Partner …

42
Q

ZANGLER: Yes, yes, as soon as my bride has consummated my expansion into her turnover you will be my partner. If you strive and abide you may find yourself in my old uniform. Now – what shall I do? Shall I go or what?

A

WEINBERL: What …?

43
Q

CHRISTOPHER: In jail?

A

WEINBERL: (In a daze) Partner … partner … I’m a partner. One moment a put-upon counter-clerk, the next a pillar of the continental trading community.

44
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Chief sales assistant … I’ve always been at the bottom of the ladder and now … (A thought strikes him.)
Who’s going to be under me, then?

A

WEINBERL: Book-keeper – that was the Himalaya of my aspirations, but from the vantage point of partnership I look tolerantly down upon the book-keeper’s place as if from a throne of clouds.

45
Q

CHRISTOPHER: He’s a partner and I’m the entire staff. I’ll have two masters instead of one, three counting the widow, and the weight of my authority will be felt by the housekeeper’s cat.

A

WEINBERL: And yet – strangely enough – now, now of all times, when fortune has smiled upon me like a lunatic upon a worm in an apple, I feel a sense of … (Pause) grief.

46
Q

CHRISTOPHER: That cat is going to wish it had never been born.

A

WEINBERL: What is happening to me? I feel a loosening of obscure restraints … Desires stir in my breast like shifting crates on a badly loaded barrow.

47
Q

CHRISTOPHER: (Breaks out) Oh, Mother, what is the wherefore of it all?! – Whither the striving and how the abiding for a poor boy in the grocery trade? I’m glad she’s dead and doesn’t see me chained to this counter like a dog to a kennel, knowing nothing of the world except what happens to get wrapped around the next pound of groceries. Seeing the sunrise only from an attic window, and the sunset reflected in a row of spice jars, agog at travellers’ tales of paved streets! Oh, Mr Weinberl, I have come into my kingdom and I see that it is the locked room from which you celebrate your escape! And if I have to wait until I am as old as you, that’s longer than I’ve been alive!

A

WEINBERL: (Soberly) Beyond the door is another room. The servant is the slave of his master and the master is the slave of his business.

48
Q

CHRISTOPHER: (Regarding ZANGLER’s old uniform left in the room)
Try it on.

A

WEINBERL: What?

49
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Try it on.

A

WEINBERL: No –

50
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Go on!

A

WEINBERL: Gertrud might come in – I mustn’t!

51
Q

CHRISTOPHER: All right.

A

WEINBERL: I daren’t!

52
Q

CHRISTOPHER: All right.

A

WEINBERL: Dare I? (He starts to don the uniform.) If only I could look back on a day when I was fancy free, a real razzle of a day packed with adventure and high jinks, a day to remember when I am a grand-grocer jingling through Vienna in my boots and spurs and the livery of the Grocers’ Company or passing the grog and spinning the yarn. with the merchant princes of the retail trade, when I could say, ‘Oh, I was a rogue in my day, a real womanizer – why, I remember once …’ but I have nothing to remember.
(Desperately) I’ve got to acquire a past before it’s too late!

53
Q

CHRISTOPHER: Can I come with you, Mr Weinberl?

A

WEINBERL: Come with me where?

54
Q

CHRISTOPHER: I want it now!

A

WEINBERL: Now?

55
Q

CHRISTOPHER: This very minute!

A

WEINBERL: (Appalled) What? Lock up the shop?

56
Q

CHRISTOPHER: It’s already locked.

A

WEINBERL: While he’s at the parade …?

57
Q

CHRISTOPHER: And dinner in town. It’s only us two. Marie is confined to quarters. He’ll never know.

A

WEINBERL: Wait … (He paces about feverishly and then embraces CHRISTOPHER.) What about the books?

58
Q

CHRISTOPHER: We’ll cook the books!

A

WEINBERL: Yes! – what about the cook?

59
Q

CHRISTOPHER: We’ll fix the cook. We’ll tell her he told us to tell her he told us he doesn’t want to open the shop.

A

WEINBERL: What happens when she tells him we told her he told us to tell her he told us –

60
Q

CHRISTOPHER: The cook …
GERTRUD: (Offstage) Isn’t it time you opened the shop – it’s gone two o’clock.

A

WEINBERL: She’ll do for us … Get me out of this!

61
Q

GERTRUD: So you’re still in two minds, Herr Zangler?
CHRISTOPHER: He is, and he’s half out of both of them.
It’s Gertrude Herr ZAngler , got it?

A

WEINBERL: Got it!

62
Q

GERTRUD: Twenty-three Carlstrasse, Miss Blumenblatt’s.

A

MUFFLED TALK

63
Q

GERTRUD: Don’t open the shop. Tell Mr Weinberl.

A

MUFFLED TALK

64
Q

GERTRUD: That doesn’t sound like him.

A

LOUD MUFFLED TALK

65
Q

CHRISTOPHER: (Pulling the tunic over WEINBERL’s head) She’s gone.

A

WEINBERL: And now, best foot forward.

66
Q

CHRISTOPHER: I’ll get my old sock.

A

WEINBERL: Is that necessary?

67
Q

CHRISTOPHER: It’s got my savings in it.

A

WEINBERL: I’ll get mine and we’ll be off.

68
Q

ZANGLER: (Offstage) Gertrud!

A

WEINBERL: God in heaven he’s back again!
(CHRISTOPHER picks up WEINBERL’s discarded clothes and runs off towards the shop. Spurs however still approach.)
I can’t let him see me like this!

69
Q

ZANGLER: You dare to show your nose in here again and I’ll cut off your coquette to spite your face! And furthermore I’ll disinherit her!
(This takes ZANGLER out of the room. WEINBERL, in his own clothes, and CHRISTOPHER reappear. They are gleeful.)

A

WEINBERL: Christopher … Did you hear that?

70
Q

CHRISTOPHER: (Looking down the street) He’s still running. I don’t think he’ll ever come back.

A

WEINBERL: Oh my! I feel like a real rapscallion. We’re on the razzle at last! (They embrace.)

On The Razzle (7 decks)

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