Thinking Man's Guide - She Comes First Flashcards
SHE COMES FIRST
Cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue. We should appreciate its role in stimulating female sexual response.
This book will teach you everything you need to know to master the grammar of oral sex.
What makes women hottest is when a man can use his tongue well.
Mind-blowing body-rippling orgasms
Phd in clinical sexology. He has developed a methodology for consistently leading women to orgasm.
Women consider oral sex to be one of their most favourite and exciting activities.
Not only do women crave and enjoy cunnilingus; they require it.
This model promotes the postponement of male gratification until after a woman has achieved her first orgasm. This effectively vouchsafes female satisfaction.
Cultivate a true understanding of female sexuality.
Think clitorally rather than vaginally to focus on stimulation rather than penetration.
Appreciate the role of the clitoris as the powerhouse of pleasure.
Develop a sense of awareness that will render the often elusive female orgasm knowable and tangible beyond the shadow of a doubt.
The clitoris has 18 parts, all which play a role in the production of pleasure.
The vast majority of nerve endings that contribute to the female orgasm are concentrated on the surface of the vulva and do not require any penetration to stimulate orgasm.
Learn to appreciate irony: the respective process of male and female arousal could not be more different.
Women often need 15 minutes or more to be sufficiently aroused for orgasm.
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings - twice as many as the penis.
The clitoris has no known purpose other than pleasure.
The clitoris is much more than just a ‘love button’. It’s a sophisticated network of arousal that has more hotspots than a latent volcano.
Men yearn for feedback and guidance.
Men and women differ markedly in how they learn about sex.
Men’s magazines talk about sex but not sexuality. They’re more ‘conquest-oriented’ than advice-oriented.
Men and women both suffer from a dearth of accurate information.
The typical male sustains penetrative thrusting, on average, for about two and half minutes. Men are designed for efficiency. It doesn’t take much to get us aroused.
One of the main sources of PE is poor masturbation habits. It does not take long for a young man to program himself to seek his pleasure quickly.
Oral sex may be the most potent of sexual acts. It’s an act of power derived from the most vulnerable kind of intimacy.
75% of men ejaculate within 2 minutes.
The build up of waves of pleasure, the surrender to ecstasy, the spasm of satisfaction, the momentary loss of self.
Don’t mistake the hooded crown for the entire clitoris. It has 3 components: a head, a shaft and a base.
The clitoris is devoted solely to pleasure and confers up on the female “an infinitely greater capacity for sexual response than a man ever dreamed of.
Stop thinking of the clitoris as a little bump and start thinking of it as a complex network.
The inner two thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third.
The clitoris is superior to the vagina in stimulating female sexual response.
There is a long history of ‘clitoral denial’ in our culture which stems back to Freud.
Number one question sent in by female readers: what can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?
In letting go of intercourse, we open ourselves up to new ways of experiencing pleasure. Sex is no longer penis-dependent and we can let go of the usual anxieties about size, stamina and performance.
A quick study of anatomy reveals that all orgasms are clitoral.
The G-spot may be nothing more than back end of the clitoris.
During penetration the female orgasm is caused by pressure on the parts of the clitoris that surround the vaginal opening.
There is no need to quibble over semantics when it comes to the identifying orgasms. The clitoris encompasses them all.
Most sexual positions do not properly stimulate the clitoris. “Sex provides efficiently for male orgasm, and inefficiently for female orgasm.”
The tongue is mightier than the sword. “If a man knows how to give outstanding oral sex, then a woman will reach orgasm every time.”
Many women complain woefully about men’s oral techniques: the lack of consistent pressure, rhythmic pressure, their roughness, the mad stampede for the clitoris. Many men fail to finish what they started.
The penis is very badly placed anatomically speaking, when it comes to making women come.
Sigmund Freud made a name for himself demonising the clitoris. He demoted the clitoris and promoted the vagina.
Freud’s views were not based on physiology, or an understanding of anatomy but rather on a conception of human sexuality that reinforced the penetrative, reproductive model. Hence, a woman’s sexuality became subsumed by a male’s.
Sex needs to be redefined as an activity that accommodates a wide variety of sensual and erotic activities.
In both philosophy and practice, any definition of sex, must include a powerful element of respect.
Even though the male and female genitalia is formed from the same embryonic material, the penis grows out, while much of the clitoris grows in.
The vagina takes a backseat to the clitoris in the production of pleasure.
Labia majora = major lips = analogous to the male scrotum but not as sensitive to the labia minora (small lips) or other parts of the clitoral network such as the head and shaft.
Labia minora = small lips. Extremely sensitive and play an important part in the process of arousal. They respond best to tongue strokes, gentle nibbles and playful fingertip pinches.
The outer edges of the inner lips meet just above the sensitive clitoral head to form the well-known protective hood - analogous to the foreskin of the penis. The friction created when the hood rubs against the head is powerful source of stimulation and pleasure.
We tend to take it for granted that our society defines sex as a linear process that includes foreplay, vaginal penetration and the male orgasm.
The clitoral glans = the head. It has 8,000 nerve endings and is often referred to as the ‘love button’. One of the biggest mistakes a lover can make is to underestimate the sensitivity of the clitoral head. It’s so sensitive that at the moment of climax it retracts beneath its hood.
Perineum - small expanse of skin just above the anus and beneath the vaginal entrance. Highly sensitive to touch and can trigger considerable erotic arousal.
The front commisure marks the top part of the visible clitoris (just above clitoral head and protective hood) and the fourchette marks the bottom.
G-Spot - a certain point in the upper wall of the vagina just inside the vaginal entrance.
A G-spot orgasm, like all female orgasms is a clitoral orgasm. G-spot is also known as the “clitoral cluster”.
Female ejaculation appears the exception rather than rule.
Like a great work of dramatic literature there’s a structure to the process of arousal: a beginning, middle and an end.
The process of sexual response can be broken down into four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.
With the application of steady, rhythmic stimulation, each phase builds upon the last in the creation and release of sexual tension.
After orgasm is the resolution period: the return to calm and the pre-aroused state. Men enter a refractory period: the period of time before which they can achieve an erection. Women don’t have this period. With a little stimulation, they’re ready to start the process over again
The Cunnilinguist Manifesto:
Respect the female process of arousal
Postpone gratification in the pursuit of mutual pleasure
Stimulate the clitoris appropriately throughout the entire process of sexual response.
Take an approach that is pleasure-oriented not goal-oriented.
Provide 3 assurances:
Going down on her turns you on: you enjoy it as much as she does
There is no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want her to savour every moment.
Her taste is provocative and her scent powerful.
Communicate these assurances physically and verbally. Repeat them over and over in every possible way.
Avoid contact with her genitals for the first 10 to 15 minutes of foreplay. Stimulate other parts of her body. Save the genital kiss for last.
Think of genital penetration as an aspect of foreplay. Let your penis rest just inside her. Press your thumb against her clitoral head and gently flick it from side to side as you penetrate her with short shallow thrusts.
There are 6 distinct stages:
Stage 1: FIRST CLITORAL KISS
Stage 2: ESTABLISH RHYTHM and acclimate clitoris to the persistent attentions of the tongue
Stage 3: BUILD TENSION by focussing more energies on the clitoral head, as well as introducing manual stimulation.
Stage 4: ESCALATE THE ACTON: hypercharge the process of sexual response and escalate her level of arousal by internally stimulating the ‘clitoral cluster’ (aka G-spot) in combination with the clitoral head.
Stage 5: PREORGASM, in which we maintain the optimum balance of rhythm and pressure as she approaches orgasm.
Stage 6: ORGASM: maximise the number of pelvic contractions.
Stage 1 The Kiss: One long lick from top to bottom. Take in full length of inner lips. As you go over the head, brush it as lightly as a feather. Press you finger slightly against her perineum. Place your hand atop her mons pubis and nudge it gently toward her abdomen. This will stretch the skin and tighten her vaginal entrance.
Stage 2: Establishing Rhythm: cunnilingus is all about the balance between movement and stillness, the counterpoint of action and reaction. A flat tongue pressed softly, later firmly, into her vulva will prove to be one of your most powerful positions. Ensure the interval between licks is long enough to let each one resonate fully.
Establish rhythm and build a solid foundation. Exercise restraint.
After the first kiss, lick her vaginal entrance from top to bottom, and then rest your tongue on the surface of the vulva. Do this 15 to 20 times. Next, lick her with halfway strokes, focusing on the labia and staying clear of the head. On the sixth stroke, press the soft tip of your tongue into her head. Repeat this pattern increasing each set of halfway licks by one until you get to ten.
Stage 3: Build Tension (Part 1): use index finger (between thumb and middle) to flirt with her inner lips. Squeeze and pinch them playfully. Lightly tap her frenulum. Tease her fourchette. Tickle the lower base of her vaginal entrance.
Slowly insert the first 2 inches of your index finger into her vagina. Hold it straight and still as you continue to apply more tongue strokes. Don’t rush to insert more fingers. Save them for later. Use your thumb in combination with your index finger. Rotate it downwards and graze, tickle and press her perineum. Place your free hand under her buttocks and cradle them firmly.
Note that women who masturbate regularly are often able to reach orgasm more easily than those who don’t.
Masturbation helps to ‘wire’ a woman for orgasm.
Stage 3: Build Tension (Part 2): it’s time to vary your tongue strokes and get playful. Horizontal licks back and forth across the clitoral head will inflame her. A flat, still tongue is one of the most underestimated and under-utilised positions. Push your tongue into her vulva and let her do the work. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue.
Stage 4: Escalate the Action (Part 1): Forget the term ‘G-spot’ and think of it as a clitoral cluster. No we incorporate slow movements of the index finger into the routine. Start straight, and then curl it in a “come-hither” gesture. Gently graze her vaginal ceiling with your fingertip. As you do so, your finger will pass over the clitoral cluster. Don’t be shy about pressing up into her vaginal ceiling. The clitoral cluster is less sensitive than the clitoral head, and responds well to firm, persistent pressure.
Use your free hand to press down on her pubic mound. Also reverse position with your index finger and trail her vaginal floor. You’ll be exciting her perineal tissue. Give her a perineal pinch. Use your thumb to press her perineum from the outside.
Then introduce a second finger, your middle one. Firstly, maintain a still position. Then apply firm pressure to the vaginal ceiling. Continue to apply your tongue to the clitoral head.
In using both fingers and tongue, you are simultaneously engaging her clitoral cluster and clitoral head. Note that you are applying a gentle pressure to the latter and a deeper pressure to the former.
The come-hither clasp is an important position for stimulating the full expanse of her clitoral cluster as well as maintaining the position of her vulva against your mouth - it’s very likely the position she will reach orgasm in.
Stage 4: Escalate the Action (Part 2): It’s time to start applying more clitoral pressure with your mouth.
Persistent pressure against the area of her clitoral head is the most important factor in helping her reach orgasm. Other elements include the rhythm of your tongue against her clitoral head and the firm position of your fingers against her clitoral cluster.
Apply pressure with a flat, still tongue. (Use a vibrator to provide pressure against her frenulum).
In summary, we use a come-hither clasp to stimulate the clitoral cluster, a gum press that provides pressure against the front commissure, tongue strokes that stimulate the head, and manual stimulation of the frenulum and perineum.
Remember: do not attempt to speed things up by increasing the pace of your clitoral stimulation. There is no rush and she has all the time in the world. One of the most common anxieties women face is the fear that they are taking too long. Foreplay is the key factor. The more a woman has been erotically stimulated during foreplay, the more quickly and easily she will reach orgasm.
There are key moments during a session when the introduction of a new technique - a tongue stroke, a finger, stimulation of the clitoral cluster - will often hyper charge the process and take the action to the next level.
Stage 5: Preorgasm (Part 1): the retraction of the clitoral head into its hood is a sign that she’s within 90 seconds of reaching climax. You should easily be able to recognise it’s absence.
Stage 5: Preorgasm (Part 2): Stay in position. You must be consistent as well as persistent. Maintain the position of her clitoris against your mouth with melodic, rhythmic sweeps of your tongue. Once she’s in preorgasm phase, bring her legs as close together as possible. At this point the tighter the fit the better. Focus on keeping her as still as possible and constraining her movements. Anal stimulation can also enhance the quality of her orgasm.
One of the main advantages of cunnilingus over intercourse is that you remain in control throughout the entire experience.
Stage 5: Preorgasm (Part 3): Cool calm tongue strokes. Play it cool with your tongue. Try skipping a lick or alternating between vertical and horizontal licks. Slow down and let her orgasm come to you.
Most women can experience multiple orgasms as a rule rather than an exception. It has everything to do with you. Remember the golden rules of appropriate clitoral stimulation and postponement of male gratification.
If you want to lead a woman to her second orgasm and beyond, first return to the activities of foreplay - kissing, embracing and soft touching. Keep her warm, keep her aroused, but take some time before returning to more intense genital stimulation.
The time for intercourse is after she’s experienced her first orgasm - not simply because she’s been satisfied once, but because in this warmer state of arousal, she’s more likely to receive a second one.
Epilogue - after orgasm remember to stay focused and connected. Put as much time into moreplay as in to foreplay!
REMEMBER:
- When using fingers do not probe and prod; focus on fingertip pressure of key areas such as the clitoral cluster
- Remember the virtues of the flat, still tongue. Stillness can be more effective than movement.
- Be confident, not cocky
- Cunnilingus is not something you do to her; it’s something you do with her
- As she approaches orgasm, maintain persistent clitoral contact
- As she’s coming, embellish and extend the orgasm with light, tongue strokes
