The Play That Goes Wrong Lines

Question 1

(Trevor) Clearance

Answer 1

Leave it. Just leave it.

Question 2

(Annie) We need…

Answer 2

We haven’t got time.

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Cornley Drama Society’s spring production of The Murder At Haversham Manor.

I would like to personally welcome you to what will be my directorial debut as head of the drama society!!!

We are particularly excited to present this play because for the first time in the society’s history, we have managed to find a play that fits the company’s number perfectly. if we’re honest, a lack of numbers has hampered past productions. Last year’s Chekhov Play, Two Sisters. Or last Christmas’ The Lion and The Wardrobe, and of course our summer musical, Cat.

Finally, we can afford to stage a play as it should be, and which, may I say, has been exceptionally well cast. I’m sure no one will forget the problems we’ve faced with casting before, such as our christmas presentation of Snow White and the Tall, Broad Gentlemen, or indeed our previous year’s Disney classic: Ugly… and the Beast.

But now, on with the main event, which I am confident will be our best show yet. So please put your hand together for Susie H. K. Brideswell’s thrilling whodunit - The Murder At Haversham Manor.

Question 3

[Lissy’s Big Storming out and quitting scene]

Answer 3

Dear God, What’s going on???

Question 4

(Robert) Don’t worry Florence, you’re safe in here
(Dennis) What’s going on?

Answer 4

Isn’t it obvious? Cecil’s lost control!

Question 5

(Annie) Cecil? Surely not.

Answer 5

He killed Charles tonight, driven mad by his lust for you, and now he knows we’ve found him out!

Question 6

(Robert) I shan’t let anyone hurt a hair on your head Florence.
(Annie) I can’t believe … Cecil?

Answer 6

Cecil!

Question 7

(Robert) We’re all going to survive tonight, you hear me?
(Dennis) Good heavens!
(Annie) Ay me!

Answer 7

Don’t panic, Cecil’s crossing the landing.

Question 8

(Dennis) Here they are, sir!

Answer 8

Quickly, Perkins, hand them to me before Cecil…

Good lord!

Question 9

(Trevor) Found the Duran Duran, carry on.

Answer 9

Time of death: quarter to midnight

Question 10

(Dennis) Good question Mr Colleymoore.

Answer 10

… and one we need to answer quickly if we all want to get out of this house alive.

Question 11

(Annie) Oh Inspector, you’ve given me a chill!

Answer 11

Perkins, pours us all another Scotch.

Question 12

(Dennis) Of course, Inspector

Answer 12

Is there anyone you know of still in the grounds other than the four of us?

Question 13

(Robert) The staff all go home at the weekends, except Perkins, of course. Good God I needed that.

Answer 13

Does anyone else have access to the grounds

Question 14

1st loop

Answer 14

normal

Question 15

2nd loop

Answer 15

try to be normal

Question 16

3rd loop

Answer 16

hinting

Question 17

4th loop

Answer 17

super fast

Question 18

(Robert) You’re right! It’s one of us!

Answer 18

Hang it all! I’m stuck in a room full of murders!

Question 19

(Dennis) Damn and blast!

Answer 19

One of you killed Charles and Cecil Haversham and we shan’t leave the house until the matter is solved. You! Take this body outside!

Question 20

[after Max is finally taken off stage]

Answer 20

So, let us go over the facts.

Question 21

(Annie) Oh, it’s such a terrible night!

Answer 21

Florence! You were engaged to Charles, a man who according to your letter you despised. You were having an affair with his brother -

Question 22

(Annie) Cecil

Answer 22

…Cecil. It seems plausible to me that you both murdered him so you could be together.

Question 23

(Robert) What’s going on Ins…

Answer 23

You’re lying, Florence! You killed him!

Question 24

(Robert) Someone’s locked the door! Good God, we’re trapped!

Answer 24

Trapped! My God!

You killed your fiance, Florence! What do you have to say for yourself?

Question 25

(Robert) I am an honorable woman, Inspector.

Answer 25

You’re lying, Florence! You killed him!

Question 26

(Robert) I won’t stand another second of this, Inspector!

Answer 26

Did you enjoy killing your husbands, Miss Colleymoore?

Question 27

[Robert going back and forth being Florence]
(Robert) … If I can’t get out the door I shall descend from the window.

Answer 27

Oh my god! She’s trying to descend from the window.

Question 28

(Sandra) I am no murderer!

Answer 28

Calm yourself, Miss Colleymoore. You and Cecil both have PLAUSIBLE motifs for murder… but not the TRUE motive!

Question 29

(Sandra) What are you saying, Inspector?

Answer 29

I’m saying the TRUE motive belongs to Perkins!

Question 30

(Dennis) Me, Inspector?

Answer 30

You, Perkins! A little earlier I stumbled across Charles’ newly written last will and testament, dated only today, declaring that Charles wanted to make Perkins the sole beneficiary of his inheritance.

Question 31

(Dennis) This is all a mistake.

Answer 31

Save your pleading for the police station. Cuff him, Thomas.

I’ll drive you there myself as soon as the snowstorm has passed.

Question 32

(Dennis) There must be some misunderstanding! I haven’t killed anyone. But I know who has!

Answer 32

(Everyone) Who?

Question 33

(Robert) What on Earth?

Answer 33

Poppycock!

Question 34

(Dennis) You did it because Charles knew about the police money you were embezzling.

Answer 34

Nonsense!

Question 35

(Dennis) … He found the reason why no arrests had been made were because the man committing the fraud was yourself. You were embezzling.

Answer 35

You can’t prove it!

Question 36

(Dennis) But Charles could and that’s why you killed him!

Answer 36

Never!

Question 37

(Dennis) I know your secret, Inspector! What will you do? Kill me too?

Answer 37

I will! Confound it!

Question 38

(Jonathan) Not so fast, Inspector
(Robert) Charles?

Answer 38

Mr. Haversham?

Question 39

(Sandra) I thought you were dead!

Answer 39

You’re alive?

Question 40

(Jonathan) You could kill me that ea… easily.

Answer 40

How did you survive?

Question 41

(Jonathan) I simply didn’t drink the poisoned water you left out for me this afternoon!

Answer 41

How did you know it was me?

Question 42

(Jonathan) Drop the gun, Inspector!
(Sandra and Annie) Ay me!

Answer 42

Never! I came here to kill you, Charles, and I won’t leave until the job’s done.

Question 43

(Sandra and Annie) Please, Inspector! You’re frightening me!

Answer 43

You ought to be frightened!

Question 44

(Sandra) You monster! You tried to kill Charles and you killed Cecil! How could you!

Answer 44

Ill admit, I tried to kill Charles, but I never ent anywhere near Cecil. In fact when I discovered you and Cecil were having an affair I was overjoyed. I had the perfect man to pin it on. Until my accomplice blundered in!

Question 45

(Robert) I don’t know what page were on mate

Answer 45

As for Cecil

Question 46

(Robert) The nine-thousand pounds!

Answer 46

Alright it’s true. I forged you signature at the bank and took out every penny. I hadn’t bargained on your accountant catching on and telephoning you so soon.

Question 47

[Robert tries to fire the gun a second time]

Answer 47

BANG!