The Addams Family Lines - Fester Flashcards
GOMEZ - Yes! And how do we do this?
By dancing on their graves!
CONQUISTADOR ANCESTOR - Hey, it’s locked.
That’s right. We have a problem.
WEDNESDAY - His name is Lucas, Lucas Beineke. And - I’m in love.
That’s right. Little Wednesday Addams - that charming, irrepressible bundle of malice who would poison her own brother just for a ride in the ambulance - has grown up and found love.
WEDNESDAY - I like the part. about being locked up.
So here’s the deal. Gather around. I’m not letting you back into that crypt until love triumphs.
ANCESTORS - But Fest-
Ah.
So who is this Lucas fella? Is he worthy of her? Do they really lover each other? What is love anyway? Does this rash look serious to you? So many questions about love. But when you think about it, is there anything more important?
(After Beineke’s “One Normal Night”)
MAL - Come on!
Seems like a nice young man!
CONQUISTADOR ANCESTOR - But they’re not right for each other.
What do you mean they’re not right for each other?!
(Goes into song)
Who’s to say?
(Continues singing)
ANCESTORS - Ugh!!
Look. The choice is yours. Either you help these kids or you’re stuck here for eternity! So?
(Goes back into song)
(In song)
ANCESTORS - Love lets our spirits depart
You got it!
(in song again)
GRANDMA - Well then you’re gonna die, honey.
Are you ready for some football?
Fester’s got the ball! He’s running! He’s dodging! Lookit that sumbitch go! He’s on the twenty - he’s rounding third - and touchdown! The crowd goes wild!
(Make crowd roaring noises)
GOMEZ - This is my brother, Fester.
(to Alice)
Nice ta meet ya.
GOMEZ - All right, go away now.
(with Grandma and Pugsley)
GOODBYE!
WEDNESDAY - You say that like it’s a bad thing. It’s just a simple dinner. What could go wrong? Come on.
Aww.
(Go into song)
WEDNESDAY - Pass.
Oooh! Oooh!
GOMEZ - Yes! Let’s hear from Fester. The Chalice!
I - am in love!
EVERYONE - Awww!
You’re probably thinking, what could a fat bald person of no specific sexuality know about love? But I, too, am in love. Fester loves!
MORTICIA - Oh, Fester - who is it?
(shyly)
The moon!
ALICE - That’s the most beautiful thing I ever heard!
Oh, I haven’t told her yet.
EVERYONE - Awww!
Full Disclosure.
(go into song)
MAL - (slight monologue) You got a house where there shouldn’t be a house, a zombie for a butler, and a man who’s dating the moon -
Oh, I wouldn’t exactly say we’re dating.
(After the song)
WEDNESDAY - STOP!
Never fails. You let nature take its course - chaos. I mean, is this any way to end an act? Actually yes. But it’d be better if the guests couldn’t leave just yet, dontcha think?
LUCAS - I can be impulsive! I just need to think about it first!
ANCESTORS (singing) - Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah
There you are: Secrets exposed. Marriages threatened. Delicious anarchy. What happens now? Can this be repaired? Or do you all leave in an hour feeling vaguely depressed? Let’s find out, shall we.
ALICE - Mal!
MAL- What?
ALICE - Oh … nothing.
Storm’s passed. Think I’ll get a little moon. Ladies, hello. Yoo hoo, where are you hiding? Are you playing with me, my only one? There you are! Look at her. Lovely, is she not? And so far away. Yes, in matters of love, my dears, distance is your friend. Closeness? No thank you. Quarter of a million miles away - that’s a good distance for romance. We never fight, each waning is a heartbreaking separation… Each Meeting a happy reunion
WEDNESDAY - Oh, yes, Lewis. A thousand times yes.
LUCAS - Lucas. Lucas.
WEDNESDAY - Gotcha!
Did you hear that? The boy was willing to die for love. Hard to believe he’s your son.
MAL - He was so happy
Remember that? Being happy?
MAL - Yeah, what happened?
You’ve turned into an unfeeling, rigid, selfish control freak.
MAL - Fester, you’re a wise person. How can I fix this? What do I do?
Don’t worry, it will come to you.
MAL - I wasn’t always this way. I was happy-go-lucky once. I told jokes and played the guitar and slept until noon. But then you get a wife and a kid and a mortgage…
Keep Going.
MAL - But what do I say?
Just remember how you felt the first time you saw her.
GOMEZ (singing) - That even in july the pipes are thick with frost.
Gomez! Gomez! Morticia’s leaving
GOMEZ - What?
She’s at the gate with a valise! It’s the end of the family!
GOMEZ, MORTICIA, WEDNESDAY, + LURCH (singing) - move toward the darkness and feel
GOMEZ - Fester, Fester - What are you doing?
I’m embracing to unknown! I’m moving toward my darkness!
ALICE - excuse me, Fester, but where are you going?
To the moon, Alice.
Pugsley, will you do the honors? I’m coming, my love. Stay full!
Misery!
