"The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Question 1

What is the separation of tasks?

Answer 1

Understand what is your task and what belongs to others. Stop trying to please everyone; focus on your own actions and feelings.

Question 2

How can you stop being a people-pleaser?

Answer 2

Recognize that you cannot control others’ feelings or perceptions. Your task is to be true to yourself.

Question 3

What is the concept of ‘life-lie’?

Answer 3

It’s the false narrative you tell yourself to avoid life challenges. Acknowledge it to move forward.

Question 4

How to deal with the desire for recognition?

Answer 4

Understand that the desire for recognition is a societal construct. You don’t need others’ validation to be happy.

Question 5

What is ‘contribution to others’?

Answer 5

Adlerian psychology emphasizes the importance of social contribution without expecting anything in return.

Question 6

How can you stop worrying about how others see you?

Answer 6

Realize that people are more concerned with themselves; they don’t think about you as much as you believe.

Question 7

How to deal with feelings of inferiority?

Answer 7

Turn feelings of inferiority into a striving force for improvement, rather than a reason to seek validation.

Question 8

What is the ‘courage to be disliked’?

Answer 8

It’s the courage to be true to yourself, even if it means not meeting others’ expectations or risking disapproval.

Question 9

How to deal with parental expectations?

Answer 9

Recognize that your life is your own, and you’re not in this world to live up to your parents’ expectations.

Question 10

What is the concept of ‘here and now’?

Answer 10

Focus on the present moment and what you can do now, rather than being trapped by past experiences or future worries.

Question 11

How to stop being controlled by past experiences?

Answer 11

Understand that the past doesn’t dictate your future. You have the freedom to choose your actions now.

Question 12

What is ‘self-acceptance’?

Answer 12

Accept yourself, warts and all, without needing validation from ‘father figures’ or anyone else.

Question 13

How to deal with conflict?

Answer 13

See conflict as an opportunity for growth and be honest in your interactions, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Question 14

What is ‘horizontal relationships’?

Answer 14

Adlerian psychology encourages seeing others as equals, not as people to please or seek validation from.

Question 15

How to build genuine connections?

Answer 15

Be interested in others without the motive of being liked in return.

Question 16

How to deal with criticism?

Answer 16

See criticism as someone else’s task, not yours. Your task is to decide how you want to handle it.

Question 17

What is ‘unconditional self-worth’?

Answer 17

Believe in your intrinsic value, regardless of external validation or achievements.

Question 18

How to be more assertive?

Answer 18

Express your needs and wants honestly, without worrying about what others will think.

Question 19

How to stop seeking approval?

Answer 19

Recognize that seeking approval is a never-ending cycle. Break it by focusing on your own values.

Question 20

What is ‘holistic interest’?

Answer 20

Take an interest in others as whole beings, not as a means to get validation.

Question 21

How to deal with fear of rejection?

Answer 21

Understand that rejection is not a reflection of your worth but a mismatch of needs or expectations.

Question 22

What is ‘self-reliance’?

Answer 22

Trust your abilities and judgments without needing the crutch of others’ approval.

Question 23

How to deal with guilt from not meeting expectations?

Answer 23

Recognize that you’re not responsible for others’ feelings or expectations. Your task is to live according to your own principles.

Question 24

What is ‘living in earnest’?

Answer 24

It means living authentically and taking actions that align with your values, not to please others.

Question 25

How to deal with the need to be ‘useful’ to be valued?

Answer 25

Understand that your worth is not tied to your ‘usefulness’ to others.

Question 26

What is ‘freedom and responsibility’?

Answer 26

You are free to make your choices, but you’re also responsible for those choices.

Question 27

How to deal with the fear of change?

Answer 27

Recognize that fear of change often stems from fear of losing external validation. Embrace change as a path to personal growth.

Question 28

How to stop comparing yourself to others?

Answer 28

Understand that each person has their own tasks and challenges. Focus on your own journey.

Question 29

What is ‘objective judgment’?

Answer 29

Evaluate situations and actions without the bias of needing to be liked.

Question 30

How to deal with feelings of inadequacy?

Answer 30

Acknowledge them as natural but don’t let them dictate your actions or need for validation.

Question 31

How to say ‘no’?

Answer 31

Practice saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty. It’s an essential skill for setting boundaries.

Question 32

What is ‘excessive self-consciousness’?

Answer 32

It’s the excessive concern with how you’re viewed by others. Counter it by focusing on your own tasks and contributions.

Question 33

How to deal with the fear of being alone?

Answer 33

Recognize that being alone is preferable to compromising yourself to be liked.

Question 34

What is ‘living in line with one’s convictions’?

Answer 34

It means making choices based on your own values, not societal expectations or the desire for approval.

Question 35

How to deal with resentment?

Answer 35

Understand that resentment often comes from the perception that you’re not getting the validation you ‘deserve.’ Focus on your own actions instead.

Question 36

How to deal with the fear of failure?

Answer 36

See failure as an opportunity to learn, not as a blow to your need for external validation.

Question 37

How to deal with the fear of success?

Answer 37

Recognize that fear of success is often tied to fear of increased expectations and the need for continued validation. Success is your task alone.

Question 38

What is ‘mutual respect’?

Answer 38

It’s the foundation of healthy relationships, where both parties see each other as equals.

Question 39

How to deal with the fear of confrontation?

Answer 39

Understand that confrontation is not about winning approval but about expressing your own standpoint.

Question 40

How to deal with the need for control?

Answer 40

Recognize that this need often stems from insecurity and the desire for external validation. Focus on what you can control—your own actions and attitudes.