Scene 3 Flashcards
SLASH MURPHY
And I’m thinking, “Dude, you are seriously loco. We can maybe out-run one,
but there’s like five of them. And that’s what we can SEE. Who knows what else is out there?” But instead I say, “Okay. How?” Because I’m an enabler. Because my mom’s a drunk. And I’m a middle child. The tyranny of birth order, man. It sucks.
DIDI DRAGO
And I’m thinking, “WE’RE making a run for it? How about YOU make a run for
it and then pull the car up to the door and let me jump in? That’s what a gentleman would do.” But I didn’t say it out loud. Because I realized there wasn’t a gentleman around for about 900 miles.
ERIC SWERDLOFF
You got the undead on the one hand, and the uneducated on the other hand, and you start thinking maybe you ought to just make a run for it.
DIDI DRAGO
We had the whole place completely boarded up. Except one door. Slash thought
we should maybe leave it open, like a way to escape, just in case. But I was like, “Just lock the place down and let the cops kill these guys off.” And Slash was like, “They can’t be killed; they’re already dead.” And I’m like, “Well, technically, they’re UNDEAD.” And instead of saying what a great point that was, the accountant guy’s all….
ERIC SWERDLOFF
…God only knows what the hippie would do with a gun in his hand. Probably blow my head off and a couple of his own toes before he got the hang of it.
DIDI DRAGO
So Slash gets a hammer and some boards and stands by the door, just in case all
goes wrong. And the accountant guy gears up all Rambo-style, with the shotgun at the ready and extra bullets stuffed into his pocket protector thing.
SLASH MURPHY
We figured he’d get about halfway to the car before he’d have to start firing.
DIDI DRAGO
And I whip open the door. Game on.
ERIC SWERDLOFF
The second the morons open the door, there’s about three of those things
coming right in.
DIDI DRAGO
The coast was clear last time we checked. But then we bickered for about ten
minutes.
ERIC SWERDLOFF
And do you think the morons checked out the peephole before we started our
grand plan? Well, there’s a reason I call them “morons.”
DIDI DRAGO
One of them lunges right at my face, and he goes, “BRAAAAINS.” And I’m like,
“Yeah?” And he’s all, “BRAAAAINS.” And I’m like, “Yeah, you said that, what’s your point?” And he’s all, “BRAAAAINS.”
ERIC SWERDLOFF
And I turn to my left. There’s another one.
DIDI DRAGO
Probably female, judging by the clothes.
SLASH MURPHY
You couldn’t judge by the face, since most of it was decomposed.
DIDI DRAGO
It kinda looked like that lady that used to sell honey on the interstate. It was
wearing a blue dress, and a big green wasp pendant around its neck.
SLASH MURPHY
BLAM. BLAM. Dude knocks the second one clear off the porch!
And I’m like, “We just shot you, you stupid motherfucker. All we’re gonna do is
shoot you again!” But you can’t argue with a corpse.
ERIC SWERDLOFF
And I’m trying to reload the shotgun as fast as I can.
DIDI DRAGO
And I’m sitting there trying to reason with the thing. And somehow, in all the
commotion, the guy, the male, the one that killed Hannah, is like — in the house.
SLASH MURPHY
Didi starts screaming,
DIDI DRAGO
Knock him down! Kick him! Do something!
And then — I swear to you this is true; I would not make this up — Slash did
something right.
SLASH MURPHY
I take a step back, he takes a step forward. I take two steps back, he takes two
steps forward. I open the door to the basement, he takes a step forward, and I give him a shove.
DIDI DRAGO
Now, you have to understand, the door to the basement is like five steps from
the front door. Which is really stupid interior design. But it’s awesome for our purposes.
SLASH MURPHY
I still had the hammer in my hands, so I just nailed up a board across the door to
the basement really fast. Bingo! One trapped dead guy.
DIDI DRAGO
I immediately run over and put a chair in front of the front door, like one of
those armchair kind of things.
SLASH MURPHY
And the accountant dude piles some more stuff. It was good teamwork. Like a
jam band. Like the Dead. Or Phish.
DIDI DRAGO
We were a team.
