retards in the bible Flashcards
How many of you have read the first 5 books of the Bible
well ur not missing out
but theres this intersting story about a Jew who picked up sticks on the Sabbath
and you’ll never guess how it ends
He gets stoned to death… by Moses
And that was one of the few times God was like “niceee”
So I asked a rabbi how are Moses and God the heroes of this story?
And you’ll never guess what he said… Unless you’ve ever questioned Scripture.
Cuz the answer was:
You’re taking things out of contexxxtttt.
And to be fair the Rabbi has a point. Cuz the story goes that God split the sea and a bunch of miracles that left no room for new age spirituality
God made it pretty obvious he was a big baller, shot caller
Like if your new step dad introduced himself by walking into the dining room and slapping his balls on the table
So in the story, God promises to take care of everything as long as the Jews rest on the Sabbath
[say this with hate:] But this fuckin Jew
Had to gather sticks on the** one day **God asked him not to
But I was thinking about it and the context makes the story even weirder
Why couldn’t this guy wait a day to gather sticks? Is he retarded?
I don’t mean that as an insult. That’s my best hypothesis is that he had some sort of syndrome.
I think it went like this, and I mean this with all due respect,
Do downs syndrome voice: “I like stix”
“U like Rox” ‘oy vey’
And my argument is more than just cuz “Oy Vey” sounds like something a retard would come up with
But I’ve read the Bible cover to cover and I wouldn’t recommend it to a friend. But I asked a friend who read it and we couldn’t think of one time the bible mentioned good old fashioned reateds
The bible talks a big game about killing mythical monsters, killing ancient Canaanites, and killing rebellious children
but not a peep about how to handle the handicapped
Why don’t we talk about sex instead?
I’m currently have none of it…
I don’t really have a punchline to that
It’s just crazy to me that the Bible doesn’t address
