quiz 2

Question 1

4 forms of marriage

Answer 1

• romantic
• rescue
• companionate
• traditional

Question 2

romantic marriage

Answer 2

lasting, passionately sexual relationship

Question 3

rescue marriage

Answer 3

provides comfort and healing for past traumas

Question 4

companionate marriage

Answer 4

friendship and equality

Question 5

traditional marriage

Answer 5

clear division of gender roles

Question 6

antimarriage

Answer 6

emerges when the negative aspects of each marriage type begin to dominate

Question 7

romantic antimarriage

Answer 7

freeze into a self-absorbed, child-like preoccupation with eachother. This leads to them turning their backs on the rest of the world, including their children

Question 8

rescue antimarriagw

Answer 8

replaying earlier trauma; wounding and abusing one another

Question 9

companionate antimarriage

Answer 9

becomes like a brother/sister relationship; no sexual/emotional intimacy, like roommates

Question 10

traditional antimarriage

Answer 10

only focus is on being parents, see eachother as parents not partners, have nothing other than being parents in common

Question 11

why does a 2nd marriage carry potential for an antimarriage

Answer 11

preoccupation with previous marriage failures can keep the marriage from thriving

Question 12

symbol

Answer 12

will keep a couple together (ex: a song)

sign = sacrament
drawn / thrown together

Question 13

is it easier to lie or tell the truth

Answer 13

tell the truth, as the more honest one is, the easier it will be to continue being honest. allows you to live in the open and free from fear

Question 14

why is balance a discipline?

Answer 14

because giving something up is painful

Question 15

peck on depression

Answer 15

it is normal and healthy

becomes unhealthy when the person fails to give something up

Question 16

love– peck

Answer 16

to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth

Question 17

why is “falling in love” not the same as love because:

Answer 17

1. it is sex-linked and erotic
2. a temporary feeling

Question 18

ego boundaries and falling in love

Answer 18

ego boundaries: separate us from the outside world and give us control. The more we cathect, the more these dissolve

when falling in love, ego boundaries drop, which is bad because
– it merges identities
– is a biological trap for us to marry

Question 19

cathexis

Answer 19

the process of attraction, investment, and commitment

process by which an object becomes important to us– a “love object”

doing this to another person does not always mean we care for their spiritual development

Question 20

Dependency as a form of antilove because:

Answer 20

it seeks to receive rather than give

Question 21

co-dependency

Answer 21

an unhealthy version of dependency

Question 22

passive-dependent people

Answer 22

are too busy wanting to be loved, that they have no energy left to give love

Question 23

why would a neurotic make a good parent?

Answer 23

they can accept their faults when raising children

Question 24

neurotic vs character disorder

Answer 24

• neurotic: think everything is their fault
• character disorder: does not accept their own faults

Question 25

Tannen in “you just dont understand”– men and women on messages

Answer 25

men: want a direct message, are more literal. because as kids, they played in large groups based on rules and hierarchies

women: send meta-messages, can inter / “tell around”, are more relational and contextual. because they plated in smaller groups focused on cooperation

Question 26

9 tasks of a good marriage

Answer 26

1. Emotionally separate from family
2. Build togetherness while building autonomy
3. Embrace the role of being parents
4. Confront problems together
5. Create a safe space for respecting differences
6. Have a sexual relationship
7. Use laughter and humor
8. Nurture and comfort eachother
9. Maintain romantic feelings while facing reality

STP, Practice Safe Sex, Laughing Nurtures Reality

Question 27

what is non-love

Answer 27

laziness and distractedness

Question 28

chupa

Answer 28

the canopy under which a jewish couple gets married

symbolizes that the couple will set boundaries and be separate from the other people in their lives

Question 29

Gossip

Answer 29

can be good, as it brings the couple together and shows what the couple values in their own relationships

Question 30

what about demands should couples be aware of?

Answer 30

some compromises demand too much. a couple must think about these demands before getting married

Question 31

Is it good to idealize a person

Answer 31

yes

Question 32

phronesis

Answer 32

practical wisdom

Question 33

romance to peck vs wallerstein

Answer 33

myth to peck

part of marriage to wallerstein

Question 34

what is creating togetherness and autonomy

Answer 34

creating a shared vision of how you want to spend your lives together, while also building time for yourself. lack of time can make this hard

Question 35

Commitment

Answer 35

we need this in a relationship, can unconsiously build this

Question 36

confrontation is:

Answer 36

• power with humility
• insight in a vulnerable place
• growth and healing
• one of the greatest risks

Question 37

What are “students of mystery”

Answer 37

religious people– they know stuff that social scientists may not.

Question 38

theological triangle method

Answer 38

1. scripture and tradition: read in a historical context that gets passed down
2. cultural information sciences: everything studied to be human
3. personal experience: can affect how we read scripture