People skills - Robert Bolton

Question 1

what are the main high-risk responses?

Answer 1

judging (criticizing, name-calling, diagnosing, praising evaluatively), sending solutions (ordering, threatening, moralizing, excessive/inappropriate questioning), avoiding the others’ concerns (diverting, logical argument, reassuring)

Question 2

what is the harm of labeling or stereotyping people / things?

Answer 2

we wrongly convince ourselves that we know people / things while we only catch the shadow instead of substance. we no longer actually see what is happening before us or in us and not knowing that we don’t know and we make no efforts to be in contact with the reality. these labels replace human meanings, unique feelings and growing life within and between persons. with labels, we cannot really understand ourselves and others.

Question 3

what is diagnosing?

Answer 3

diagnosing, a form of labeling, instead of listening to the substance of what a person is saying, playing emotion detectives, probing for hidden motives, psychological complexes and the like.

Question 4

what is the harm of praising someone evaluatively?

Answer 4

can be seen as a gimmick to manipulate people and to use them for certain purpose.