Parenting Flashcards
How does parental love emulate Godly love?
“Those with healthy parental love make sacrifices so that their children may one day stand as their equals, and not only be their children, but also their friends.”
Successful Marriages and Families ch.4
What does spare the rod and spoil the child understood to mean?
And where in it located in the scriptures?
This is an old saying but is most closely associated with Proverbs 13:24.
24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
It is understood to mean that if you do not punish a child when they do something wrong, they will not learn what is right.
Name the book that is out of print that argues that schizophrenics come from dysfunctional family dynamics and confusing communications between the child and parent(s).
Sanity, Madness and the Family: Families of Schizophrenic’s by RD Laing and Aaron Esterson
Reviews on Amazon
“It often seemed that the parents had a stake in denying the child their “selfhood.”
“The mothers are often the aggressor and the fathers passive, and siblings usually side with the mother against the sibling”
“Dr Laing and Dr Esertons accou t of schizophrenia all points to the facts that this mental illness is not a physical impairment, but a distrust in a persons reality, through communication, through insecurity of beliefs and senses. Schizophrenics choose logically and intelligently under the confines of family life with the parents (who are more delusional than the patient)”
Why should we avoid coercion in parenting?
Just because you may get the behavior you want in the short term, it is not the intent of the individual and there may be repercussions later.
What is the most effective way to strengthen desirable behavior?
Positive reinforcement
Dr Sidney Bijou(?ithink)
What is coercion?
To compel others to act or choose in a certain way. To nullify individual will.
Why is it so tempting to try to coerce?
“Because it creates the image of expediency and efficiency. If you use a coercion and you get the results you want as a parent, what does that tell you? It worked. So what are you going to do the next time that situation arises? You are going to use a coercive measure. But it’s only an image. He tells story about a little boy at airport. The fruits of coercion are 1. Escape 2. Avoidance 3. Countercource (to get even).
We have learned in the study of human behavior that if we create a coercive environment or a coercive relationship, we create an environmental or a relationship that kids want to get away from (escape), stay away from (avoidance), or countetcoerce (get even).
We’ve got to be careful not to assume that mere compliance is change because it’s not. Children can be made to comply but it carries with them incredible risks that come in escape to ‘domains of risk.’ As children get older they escape a coercive environment and go into these domains of risk.
Domains of Risk Drugs School Failure Unhealthy peers/peer pressure Alcohol Tobacco Pornography Sex See-denigration/Self-destruction
Why do they do it? Do they do it because they don’t know any better? They always know better. So many of them do it just to get even with mom and dad. Story about a teenage girl in his office who does what she does just to get even. She said she doesn’t even like to do it. That is the long range effect of coercion. Story about a young boy who got a failing grade in school. His mother went to get a whip to whip the boy. The boy went and got a gun and shot himself. That is escape and avoidance. This is what we have got to get out of our homes.
Coercion enters the relationship at 14 months old. Because that is when language enters the picture and children learn there is power in the word no. Mom asks kid to do something and they say no. Mom says come here you little snip and spanks the kid. The child complied and the parents thinks that is how you do it.
But we intoxicated by that thinking that it worked. It we lose sight of is the cumulative effect. It grows little by little over the years and at 14.5 years old that’s when the kid can say ‘I don’t want to and you can’t make me and I’m out of here’ and they go out and countercoerce. Just because you got the results you wanted doesn’t mean what you did to get it was the way to do it because you may be planting the seeds for a very bitter harvest.
Final words of caution
Do not suppose that short-term compliance achieves using coercive means leads to long term goals.
Coercion produces only short-term compliance followed by long-term losses. That’s what you can count on.”
Glenn Latham
What are the three main forms of parenting style as identified by researcher Diana Baumrind’s model? There was a fourth one later added. Name that one as well.
Authoritarian (coercive)
Permissive
Authoritative
Uninvolved/disengaged (added later by Maccoby and Martin
Successful Marriages and Families p121
Describe the Authoritarian parenting style. What are it’s associated outcomes?
High demands and low responsiveness
Style: Unresponsive to children’s needs High levels of control Strict rules High expectations Expect blind obedience “because I said so” Stern discipline and often use discipline to control behavior Generally not nurturing
Outcomes: Unhappy disposition Lower academic performance Less self-esteem Appear insecure Less independent Poorer social skills More behavioral problems Mental illness More prone to drug/alcohol abuse Delinquency
FAML220
Describe Authoritative parenting. What are the associated outcomes?
High demands and expectations for achievement and maturity
High responsiveness
Set rules and enforce boundaries by having open discussion, providing guidance and using reasoning
Affectionate and supportive and encourage independent
Also known as the democratic style
Style: Warm and responsive Clear rules High expectations Supportive Value independence
Outcomes: Higher academic performance Appear happy and confident Are more independent Interact with peers using competent social skills More self esteem Less mental illness- less depression, anxiety, suicide attempts Lower delinquency Less violent tendencies
FAML220
Describe the Permissive (Indulgent) parenting style. What are the associated outcomes?
Low demandingness
High responsiveness
Style: Warm and responsive Few or no rules Few or no boundaries Reluctant to enforce rules Don’t like to say no or disappoint their children Indulgent Lenient
Outcomes: Cannot follow rules Worse self-control Impulsive behavior Egocentric tendencies Poorer social skills-encounter more problems in relationships and social interactions
FAML220
Describe the Neglectful (uninvolved)parenting style. What are the associated outcomes?
Low demandingness
Low responsiveness
Style:
Few if any firm rules or boundaries
Do not have high standards
Indifferent to their children’s needs and uninvolved in their lives
Parents may have mental issues themselves such as maternal depression, or physical abuse or child neglect when they were kids
Outcomes:
More impulsive
Cannot self-regulate emotion
Encounter more delinquency and addiction problems
Have more mental issues- suicidal behavior in adolescents
FAML220
What has research consistently found with authoritative parenting?
It is consistently linked to the best outcomes for children.
No study has conclusively disproved the benefits of authoritative parenting, while many others have consistently shown its advantages.
It is the parenting style recommended by experts.
FAML220
What are some factors, other than parenting style, that affects child outcomes?
Cultural and ethnic differences-
some studies found that authoritative style isn’t always linked to the best school achievement across families from diverse ethnic (e.g. Asian, Black, Hispanic) and socioeconomic backgrounds (e.g. income level, parental education, number of active parents)
For example, in one study, researchers found that African-American students with authoritative patents but without peer support did not perform the best academically.
For Asian-American students, they performed the best in school when they had authoritarian parents and peer support.
In Spain, a study showed that both indulgent and authoritative parenting styles were associated with good outcomes.
Child temperament-
Children’s own behavior can affect the parents choice and the outcomes, too.
For example, kids with a more sensitive temperament may be perceived as difficult causing the parents to change their parenting style towards authoritarian parenting.
In a study, it was also found that some aspect of child behavior such as sociable and aggressive behaviors are better correlated to child temperament than to parenting style.
Differences in social context
It is worth noting that, despite being widely publicized, not all of these study results have been successfully reproduced by other researchers.
Keep in mind that a child’s success in life is not composed of only one or two aspects.
FAML220
Are results generally found to be as expected for each parenting style?
Yes. However some inconsistencies do occur. These can be due to cultural and ethnic differences, socioeconomic backgrounds, parental education, number of active parents, and child temperaments, etc
FAML220
