NVC

Question 1

Why doesn’t Marshall like the term, Non-Violent Communication?

Answer 1

Same reason that Ghandi didn’t like it. It says what something isn’t. NVC is all focused on what we do want.

Question 2

What’s the second reason why Marshall Rosenberg doesn’t like the term non-violent communication?

Answer 2

Communication is only small part of NVC. It’s really a values system that we try to live by. Not just language but also the way we think about and perceive our lives.

Question 3

What question did Marshall have after realising that some people wanted to commit violence against others simply because of their name or the colour of their skin?

Answer 3

What happens to people to lead them to enjoy other people’s suffering?

Question 4

What question did Marshall have after seeing his uncle lovingly take care of his grandmother?

Answer 4

What happens to us so that we enjoy contributing to other people’s wellbeing?

Question 5

What does Marshall believe is at the heart of human nature?

Answer 5

Compassion - he thinks we’re fundamentally compassionate.

Question 6

What profession did Marshall decide to take up?

Answer 6

Psychology

Question 7

Why did Marshall decide to take up psychology?

Answer 7

He thought it would be the most likely profession to help him answer his two big questions.

Question 8

What was the first limit to psychology?

Answer 8

No scientific research to verify the way psychologists diagnose their patients.

Question 9

What was the 2nd limit to psychology?

Answer 9

Just looking at the psychological causes for violence misses the ways in which the structures of our society cause the issues.

Question 10

What creates the violence?

Answer 10

Cultural ‘education’, not so much psychological problems.

Question 11

What happened when Marshall was working as a psychologist?

Answer 11

He couldn’t see that he was making a big difference in people’s lives through the tools of psychoanalytic therapy.

Question 12

What question did Marshall ask himself after realising that psychology wasn’t so helpful?

Answer 12

How are we meant to live?

Question 13

What did Marshall study to find out how we are ‘meant to live’?

Answer 13

Comparative religions - believing that religions were each trying to answer this question - How are we meant to live?

Question 14

What conclusion did Marshall come to after studying comparative religions for a year or two?

Answer 14

All religions are saying pretty much the same thing - that compassion is how we are meant to live; contributing to one another’s well-being willingly, out of the joy that comes naturally to us.

Question 15

If religions all have the same core message why isn’t living compassionately a more universal phenomenon?

Answer 15

The skills needed to live compassionately are quite different to the skills we are taught.

Question 16

Why aren’t we taught skills needed to live compassionately?

Answer 16

The structures of society are ones in which people claim to be superiors and know what’s right for others and to impose what they believe is right on the others.

Question 17

What creates violence?

Answer 17

A certain way of thinking, a certain language and certain way of using power.

Question 18

What was unclear when studying comparative religions?

Answer 18

How, specifically, are we to live in a way that fosters compassion? What skills do we need?

Question 19

Who did Marshall study to work out the specific skills of comapssion?

Answer 19

Those people who seemed to enjoy giving to others - he tried to see how they were different to people who seemed to enjoy criticising, blaming and attacking others.

Question 20

What does giving compassionately mean?

Answer 20

Anything we do is done willingly, not out of guilt or shame or fear of punishment.

Question 21

What’s at the heart of violence on our planet?

Answer 21

Labelling people in a static way combined with retributive justice (bad people deserve to be punished, good deserve to be rewarded).