Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss Flashcards
What should you use to seed warmth in interactions?
An apology and a first name
Example: “I’m sorry, Robert, how do I even know he’s alive?
What do people want in interactions?
To be understood and accepted
What is the cheapest and most effective way to achieve understanding?
Listening
What mindset should you have when engaging in negotiation?
Mindset of discovery
What should be the goal during negotiations?
To extract as much information as possible
What voice style should you use to create a calming atmosphere?
Late-Night, FM DJ Voice
How should your body language be during conversations?
Exude enthusiasm, comfort, warmth, and acceptance
What does inflecting upward indicate?
Inviting a response/unsure
What does inflecting downward indicate?
Self-assured, confident
What is the technique called when you repeat the last three words of what someone has said?
Mirroring
List the four simple steps to disagree without being disagreeable.
- Use the late-night FM DJ voice
- Start with I’m sorry
- Mirror
- Silence for at least four seconds
What should be the intention behind mirroring?
Please, help me understand
Who is mentioned as a great practitioner of these skills?
Oprah
What is the definition of empathy?
Empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world.
Empathy involves emotional connection and understanding.
What is tactical empathy?
Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and hearing what is behind those feelings to increase your influence.
It focuses on emotional obstacles and pathways to agreement.
What is labeling in negotiation?
Labeling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging it and giving that emotion a name.
It shows identification with how the person feels.
What are the starting phrases for labeling emotions?
Labeling phrases typically start with:
* It seems like . . .
* It sounds like . . .
* It looks like . . .
The phrasing avoids the word ‘I’ to lower defenses.
What is the last rule of labeling?
The last rule of labeling is silence; once a label is thrown out, one should be quiet and listen.
This encourages the other person to respond.
What is the purpose of neutralizing the negative in negotiations?
Neutralizing the negative involves acknowledging negative feelings to prevent them from escalating, especially in confrontations.
It helps in de-escalating situations.
What is an effective phrase to use when apologizing for a mistake?
The phrase ‘Look, I’m an asshole’ can be an effective way to acknowledge a mistake and diffuse tension.
This phrase helps in establishing a quick working relationship.
What is an accusation audit?
An accusation audit involves listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you to prepare for potential negative dynamics.
It helps in addressing issues before they escalate.
How do defense lawyers utilize the accusation audit technique?
Defense lawyers mention everything their client is accused of and all weaknesses in the opening statement to ‘take the sting out.’
This technique helps set the stage for addressing accusations.
What is the significance of ‘No’ in negotiations?
‘No’ is pure gold as it clarifies what you and the other party really want by eliminating what you don’t want.
How should ‘No’ be perceived in negotiations?
‘No’ is the start of the negotiation, often a temporary decision to maintain the status quo.
What are alternative meanings of ‘No’ in a negotiation context?
- I am not yet ready to agree
- You are making me feel uncomfortable
- I do not understand
- I don’t think I can afford it
- I want something else
- I need more information
- I want to talk it over with someone else
What should you do after hearing ‘No’?
Pause and ask solution-based questions or label their effect.
What is a powerful question to ask after receiving ‘No’?
‘What about this doesn’t work for you?’
What is the anti–’niceness ruse’ in negotiations?
It refers to triggering ‘No’ to get to what’s really at stake.
Why is ‘No’ not considered a failure?
‘No’ often just means ‘Wait’ or ‘I’m not comfortable with that.’
What is the risk of asking for ‘Yes’ too quickly?
It makes people defensive and can paint you as an untrustworthy salesman.
How does saying ‘No’ affect the speaker?
It makes the speaker feel safe, secure, and in control.
What is a better way to ask if someone has time to talk?
‘Is now a bad time to talk?’
What strategy can be used to engage a counterpart who is ignoring you?
Contact them with a clear and concise ‘No’-oriented question.
What is crucial to successful persuasion in negotiations?
It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution is their own idea.
What does it mean to negotiate in their world?
It means to open paths to your goals through thoughtful questions rather than using force or logic.
Fill in the blank: ‘No’ provides a temporary _______ of control.
oasis
Why do people often compromise in negotiations?
Because it’s easy and saves face.
What drives most people in a negotiation?
Fear or the desire to avoid pain.
What is the significance of deadlines in negotiations?
They create pressure and anxiety by implying consequences.
What should negotiators resist when faced with deadlines?
The urge to rush into a deal.
What does the phrase ‘No deal is better than a bad deal’ imply?
It emphasizes the importance of quality in negotiation outcomes.
What indicates that negotiations are getting serious?
Increasing specificity on threats.
What is considered the most powerful word in negotiations?
Fair.
How does the feeling of fairness affect compliance in negotiations?
People comply if they feel respected and treated fairly.
What happens to offers less than half in the Ultimatum Game?
Most accepters will reject them.
What is a common defensive use of the term ‘fair’?
To destabilize the other side.
What should be your response if accused of unfairness in negotiations?
Acknowledge the accusation and offer to revisit the terms.
What is the nefarious use of the F-word in negotiations?
To accuse the other side of being dense or dishonest.
What is a constructive use of the F-word in negotiations?
To ensure that the other party feels treated fairly.
What does Prospect Theory explain about decision-making?
People prefer sure things over probabilities.
What is the Certainty Effect?
Preference for certain outcomes over uncertain ones.
What is Loss Aversion?
People take greater risks to avoid losses than to achieve gains.
What is crucial to achieve real leverage in tough negotiations?
Persuading the other party that they have something concrete to lose.
What is the first step to bend your counterpart’s reality in negotiations?
Anchor their emotions through an accusation audit acknowledging their fears.
Why is it suggested to let the other party go first in monetary negotiations?
Because neither side has perfect information, and letting them anchor may yield a better starting point.
What should you be prepared for when allowing the other party to anchor?
You must prepare psychically to withstand their first offer, especially if they are a skilled negotiator.
What is the potential risk of opening with your own offer?
You might set an extreme anchor that could negatively impact your negotiation.
What is a recommended strategy when negotiating with a rookie counterpart?
You might consider being the shark and opening with an extreme anchor.
What is one effective way to make an offer while bending the other party’s reality?
Establish a range when making your offer.
What should you expect if you offer a range in negotiations?
Expect the other party to come in at the low end of your range.
How can you pivot to nonmonetary terms to influence negotiations?
Offer things that aren’t important to you but could be important to them.
What is the significance of using odd numbers in negotiations?
They feel serious and permanent, as opposed to rounded numbers which seem like placeholders.
What effect does surprising your counterpart with a gift have in negotiations?
It introduces reciprocity, making them feel obliged to respond with generosity.
Fill in the blank: The strategy of anchoring emotions inflames the other side’s _______.
loss aversion.
True or False: It is always best to go first in negotiations.
False.
What dynamic is introduced by unexpected conciliatory gestures?
Reciprocity.
What might happen if a skilled negotiator sets an extreme anchor?
They may bend your reality to their advantage.
Why is it important to be cautious when allowing the other party to anchor?
They may use an extreme anchor to manipulate the negotiation process.
What are the three parts of the salary negotiation process?
- Pleasantly persistent on nonsalary terms
- Define success for your position
- Spark interest in your success
What is pleasant persistence in negotiations?
A kind of emotional anchoring that creates empathy with the boss and builds the right psychological environment for constructive discussion.
True or False: Salary terms should be negotiated without defining success metrics.
False
What should be defined after negotiating a salary?
Success for your position and metrics for your next raise.
What can defining success in relation to your boss’s supervision lead to?
A planned raise.
How can you sell yourself to a manager during salary negotiations?
As more than a body for a job; as a way for them to validate their own intelligence.
What question should you ask to understand success in your role?
“What does it take to be successful here?”
What is the benefit of making your success important to your boss?
They will have a stake in your success.
Fill in the blank: Salary terms without _______ is Russian Roulette.
[Success terms]
What is the goal of successful negotiation?
To get your counterpart to do the work for you and suggest your solution himself.
What are calibrated, open-ended questions used for in negotiation?
To give your counterpart the illusion of control and suspend unbelief.
What effect do calibrated questions have on confrontational statements?
They take the aggression out of the statement.
What type of words should calibrated questions avoid?
Verbs or words like ‘can,’ ‘is,’ ‘are,’ ‘do,’ or ‘does.’
What are the reporter’s questions that inspire expansive thinking?
- Who
- What
- When
- Where
- Why
- How
Which words are recommended to start calibrated questions?
‘What,’ ‘how,’ and sometimes ‘why.’
When can ‘why’ be successfully used in a calibrated question?
When it supports the change you are trying to get the counterpart to see.
What is a critical aspect of any negotiation?
Information-gathering process.
What is one of the key calibrated questions to ask early in a negotiation?
‘What is the biggest challenge you face?’
List some other examples of calibrated questions.
- What about this is important to you?
- How can I help to make this better for us?
- How would you like me to proceed?
- What is it that brought us into this situation?
- How can we solve this problem?
- What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here?
- How am I supposed to do that?
What should you do when attacked in a negotiation?
Pause and avoid angry emotional reactions.
What should you do instead of reacting emotionally in a negotiation?
Ask your counterpart a calibrated question.
List some other great standbys to use in almost every negotiation, depending on the situation.
What about this is important to you?
How can I help to make this better for us?ii
How would you like me to proceed?
What is it that brought us into this situation?
How can we solve this problem?
What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here?
How am I supposed to do that?
What is the primary job of a negotiator?
To get to an agreement that can be implemented
This includes ensuring that the agreement is actionable.
What is the importance of ‘Yes’ in negotiations?
‘Yes’ is nothing without ‘How’
An agreement must be actionable to be valuable.
What are calibrated ‘How’ questions used for in negotiations?
To keep negotiations going and pressure the counterpart to provide answers
They help guide the counterpart to a better solution.
What two key questions can push counterparts to define success?
- How will we know we’re on track?
- How will we address things if we find we’re off track?
What indicates a counterpart is not vested in the discussion?
When they say, ‘You’re right’
This suggests a lack of ownership in the idea.
What does it mean when a counterpart says, ‘I’ll try’?
It often means, ‘I plan to fail’
This indicates a lack of commitment to implementation.
What is the 7-38-55 Percent Rule?
It suggests that communication is 7% verbal, 38% tone, and 55% body language
Misalignment in these can indicate issues in understanding.
What is the Rule of Three in negotiations?
Getting the other party to agree to the same thing three times in one conversation.
What is the first step in the ‘No’ series of saying ‘No’?
‘How am I supposed to do that?’
What can indicate a liar according to the study by Deepak Malhotra?
Liars use more words and third-person pronouns, and speak in more complex sentences.
How can pronoun usage reveal a counterpart’s importance in negotiations?
More use of ‘I’, ‘me’, and ‘my’ indicates less importance; less use indicates more importance.
What is a more elegant way to express ‘No’ in negotiations?
‘Your offer is very generous, I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me.’
What is a critical lesson when closing a deal?
Stay focused to the very end and avoid distractions.
Fill in the blank: An agreement is nice, a contract is better, and a _______ is best.
signed check
What is often the path to great deals in negotiation?
Conflict
Conflict can bring out truth, creativity, and resolution.
What are the three negotiating styles to identify in your counterpart?
- Accommodator
- Assertive
- Analyst
Knowing the style helps determine the correct approach.
What should you focus on to succeed in high-pressure negotiations?
Preparation
You fall to your highest level of preparation when the pressure is on.
What is the importance of setting boundaries in negotiations?
To manage punches without anger
The negotiator is not the problem; the situation is.
What is a key tactic used by kick-ass negotiators?
Lead with an extreme anchor
This tactic is used to knock you off your game.
What is the Ackerman plan in negotiation?
A plan of extreme anchor, calibrated questions, and well-defined offers
It includes a strategy of decreasing raises and ending on nonround numbers.
Fill in the blank: When negotiating, you should design an ambitious but ______ goal.
[legitimate]
Setting a legitimate goal is crucial for effective negotiation.
True or False: The best negotiators find ways to enjoy conflict.
True
Enjoying conflict can lead to better deals.
What should you prepare to avoid in negotiations?
Compromise trap
Being unprepared can lead you to make unnecessary compromises.
What does the term ‘calibrated questions’ refer to in negotiation?
Questions designed to elicit specific responses
These questions guide the negotiation process effectively.
What should be the final numbers in an Ackerman plan?
65, 85, 95, 100 percent
This strategy helps create the perception of being squeezed for value.
What is a Black Swan in negotiation?
A powerful unknown unknown that can change the course of a negotiation and bring unexpected success.
Black Swans are significant pieces of information that are not known to either party involved in a negotiation.
Why is finding Black Swans difficult?
Because we don’t know the questions to ask or what the treasure is.
This uncertainty makes it challenging to uncover critical information.
What should guide you in a negotiation when searching for Black Swans?
Your known knowns should guide you but not blind you.
Remaining flexible and adaptable is crucial as every case is new.
What are the three types of leverage in negotiation?
- Positive: the ability to give someone what they want
- Negative: the ability to hurt someone
- Normative: using your counterpart’s norms to influence them
Leverage multipliers can significantly impact the outcome of negotiations.
What does it mean to understand the other side’s ‘religion’?
It means digging into worldviews and moving beyond the negotiating table into the life and emotions of your counterpart.
Understanding the counterpart’s perspective can help uncover Black Swans.
Why is it important to review everything you hear from your counterpart?
You will not hear everything the first time, so double-checking is necessary.
Comparing notes with team members and using backup listeners can help catch missed information.
What is the similarity principle in negotiation?
People are more apt to concede to someone they share a cultural similarity with.
Finding common ground can facilitate concessions.
What should you do when someone seems irrational in negotiation?
Search for constraints, hidden desires, and bad information.
This approach helps to understand the underlying motivations of the counterpart.
What is the advantage of getting face time with your counterpart?
Ten minutes of face time often reveals more than days of research.
Observing verbal and nonverbal cues during face-to-face interactions can provide crucial insights.
When are counterparts most likely to reveal important information?
During unguarded moments, such as at the beginning and end of a session or when someone says something out of line.
These moments can provide valuable insights into their thoughts and feelings.
