Midterm Part 2 Flashcards
What do we want? What is the content? Different ideas about what to do, what decisions to make, where to go, how to allocate resources.
Ex: securing a student loan, more free time, a clean apartment, fashionable clothing, a different job
Topic or content goals
Who are we to each other? How do we want to be treated? Define how each party wants to be treated by the other and the amount of interdependence they desire.
ex: I won’t put up with that kind of abuse, I want to be included on projects that affect me.
Relational goals
Who am I in this interaction? When it becomes and issue people are less flexible and engage in destructive moves; driver of disputes
Ex: competent, best friend, likeable, responsible, well-organized, trustworthy
Identity or face saving goals
What communication process will be used? People often disagree about how to formally or informally conduct a conflict.
Ex: giving each one equal talk time, person decide secret ballot, voting, consensus
Process goals
What are TRIP goals?
TOPIC
RELATIONAL
IDENTITY
PROCESS
Goals or intentions someone has BEFORE the conflict begins
Prospective goals
Goals or intentions someone has During the conflict
Transactive goals
Goals or interactions that emerge AFTER the conflict is over
Retrospective goals
Image restoration Techniques
Denial
Shift the Blame
Provocation
Defeasibility
Accident
Good Intention
Bolstering
Minimization
Differentiation
Transcendence
Attack Accuser
Compensation
Corrective Action
Mortification
I didn’t do that thing. Small child does this…
Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky
Denial
We blame someone else.
Who drank my milk out of the refrigerator? I didn’t do it. Johnny did it!
Shifting the blame
Scapegoating; We say we were involved, but only as a defense that someone did something to us first, so we had to do it.
Provocation
We had lack of information or control.
Defeasibility
It wasn’t my fault because something happened outside of me.
The alarm clock, the car, the computer had a problem that didn’t allow me to finish my responsibility
Accident
We were trying to do something good; we thought the act would help
Ex: You made your sister cry because you took something away from her that you thought might hurt her.
Good Intention
Tell people all the good things we’ve done to help other people.
Ex: Bill Clinton, after it was discovered he lied about Monica L. he related all of the positive things that were going on in the US and assumed responsibility for them.
Bolstering
It’s not that bad; You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Things will get better in a couple of days, don’t worry about it ya know?
Minimization
To distinguish the act from a less desirable act;
Ex: Assisted suicide, we’re not killing someone, we’re allowing them to die with dignity
Differentiation
Place the act in a different context; make it more palatable, more acceptable in our minds.
Ex: There is murder, which naturally is bad, but murder is taking the life of someone who wants to live. Assisted suicide, we’re allowing someone to die with dignity
Transcendence
Make the person who is accusing us look worse than we are by attacking them.
Ex: Bill Clinton, gov’t hired independent investigator Ken Starr and clinton aids began attacking him saying he wasn’t very credible.
Attack accuser
Offer payment for the person to stop pestering us, or stop accusing us of what we are doing wrong.
Ex: Michael Jackson was accused and settle out of court.
Compensation
Trying to restore the situation to its original state.
Ex: If I break the lamp, I just don’t give them money to replace the lamp, I go and replace the lamp, and I try to find one exactly like the one that I broke.
Corrective action
We admit our guilt and ask for forgiveness.
Ex: Alma the younger, once he realized he had done wrong he went around doing all he could to repair the damage he’d done, and part of that was to tell the people he was wrong and that he realized it.
Mortification
Designated (power given by your position, i.e. supervisor, parent, president)
Integrative (both/and–each party has to achieve something in the relationship
Distributive (either/or–power over or against the other party
Three definition of power clusters (DID)
Designated (power given by your position, i.e. supervisor, parent, president; power we give to someone)
Integrative (both/and–each party has to achieve something in the relationship; shared power)
Distributive (either/or–power over or against the other party; either you have the power or I do)
Three definition of power clusters (DID)
Power is a property of the social relationships, a product of the communication relationships; based on one’s dependence on resources or currencies that another person controls, or seems to possess
Relational Theory
Resource control
Interpersonal linkages
Communication skills
Expertise
RICE Powers
Often comes with one’s formal position in an organization or group. An example is the controlling of rewards or punishments such as salary, number of hours worked, or firing. Parents control resources such as money, freedom, cars, and privacy for teenagers.;( About what we have, what we possess that gives us power)
Resource Control
Your position in the larger system, such as being central to the communication exchange. If you are a liaison person between two factions, serve as a bridge between two groups that would otherwise not have information about each other, or have a network of friends who like each other, you have linkage currencies.
A set of currencies dependent on your interpersonal contacts and network of friends and supporters.; power because of who we know more than what we know; ability to network or bridge what you know to other people and things.
Interpersonal linkages
Conversational skills, persuasive ability, listening skills, group leadership skills, the ability to communicate caring and warmth, and the ability to form close bonds with others all contribute to interpersonal power.All people need to be related to others, to matter to others, and to be understood by others. Those who communicate well gain value and thus interpersonal power.
AKA Referent power, that a person has sort of charisma.
Communication skills
Special knowledge, skills, and talents that are useful for the task at hand. Being an expert in a content area such as budget analysis, computer skills, fixing houses, or local knowledge of real estate choices gives you power when others need your expertise
Expertise
Dialogue
Restaint
Interdependence
Calm persistence
Stay actively engaged
Empowerment of low-power by high-power
Metacommunication
Techniques for balancing power
conversation is one of the most important ways of establishing equality
Productive conversation involves: speaking to the other with a positive tone, listening, reflect feelings, clarify what you’ve heard, question when needed, summarize
Dialogue
high power parties limit their power by refusing to use all the currencies they have
Restraint
Lower-power individuals can highlight the parties dependencies as a way to balance power; when two people elevate their dependence on each other, both increase their sources of power
Interdependence
Lower power people gain nuisance value if they have patience and avoid giving up out of frustration; when power is unequal, seldom comes about through intense, angry confrontation
Calm Persistence
Remaining in a low-power position, assuming your weakness is permanent, and using destructive tactics benefits no one, not even the high power person.
speak up and present a balanced picture of strengths and weaknesses, make clear one’s beliefs, values, and priorities are, then keep behavior congruent with these; stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get intense, state differences and allow others to do the same
Stay actively engages
Higher-power groups or individual purposely enhance the power of lower-power groups or individuals
Empowerment
being verbally explicit about the communication; talking about the relationships or about how the parties will handle their conflict, parties can agree about behaviors that will not be allowed.
Metacommunication
*Balancing power requires courage and creativity. It requires a certain individual power to be effective people, maximize our abilities, opportunities and use resources to be able to lead the lives we desire. Yet, in relationships, we have to find a balance through productive and creative ways or risk destroying the relationship.
paradox of power
accommodation
avoidance
collaboration
competitive
compromise
5 main conflict styles
AKA obliging; willing to do a service or kindness, helpful, you oblige to the other’s needs; the individual sets aside his or her concerns in favor of pleasing the other people involved.
Accomodation
Denial of the conflict, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal, and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand. In collectivistic cultures, avoidance represents indirect working through but in individualistic cultures, avoidance represents indirect escalation.
Don’t bring up an issue to people directly, but spend time talking about them to others
A tactic where the emotional content is acknowledged, and the parties defer the other issues to a later time
Ex: not speaking/remaining quiet; refusing to answer; deflecting or changing the topic; talking in abstract terms, physically leaving, joking, smiling or laughing, asking questions about something else, supplying irrelevant information
avoidance
avoid/criticize loop
postponement
AKA Integrating. Shows a high level of concern for one’s own goals, the goals of others the successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationships. Involves not a moderate level of concern for goals but a high level of concern for them. It is an invitation to the other’s so the two of you can reach a joint resolution.
Conflict does not conclude until both parties are reasonably satisfied making the relationship better; involves making descriptive and disclosing statements and soliciting reactions from the other party.
Ex: I like to assert myself, and I also like to cooperate with others.
collaboration
Supportive remarks (I can see why that is difficult–we have all been ganging up on you
Concessions (Ok, I agree I need to find new ways to deal with this problem
Acceptance of responsibility (Yes, I have been acting uncooperatively lately)
These tactics move the conflict into a third dimension where partners neither avoid nor blame but deal with the conflict as a joint problem to be solved. Tacts are associated with successful conflict management.
Collaborative tactics
AKA Dominating. Power over style characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior–pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another. Attempt to gain power by direct confrontation, by trying to win the argument without adjusting to the other’s goals and desires. Winning is the goal.
Most commonly used dominating tactic is a threat (Do you homework or your grounded!)
competitive
An intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party; moderately assertive and cooperative; Give a little and get a little; requires creative solutions and flexibility
Ex: tactics-fairness (I gave in last time, now it is your turn”), split the difference (I have come down $10k and if you would come down by a similar amount, we could complete the sale), change roles ( you did it last time, now it is my turn to lead), meet in the middle (We both have to give something to get something–I suggest a middle ground), temporary solution (Since we don’t have time to work out all the details, how about we agree on all the major points and set a time for working on the rest.)
compromise
A form of communication violence; rather than using a threat or warning, you attack the self-concepts of the other; character attacks (you are just a rotten wife), insults (well, I suppose someone with your intelligence would see it that way), rough teaching, ridicule, and profanity; common in individualistic cultures;
a precursor to and predictor of physical aggression in adolescents and in marriage and other romantic relations.
Verbal aggression/Verbal abuse
Ongoing, persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing…that demoralizes, dehumanizes and isolates those targeted; can occur in any social setting, including the internet.
Usually begins as incivility or consequence of unmanaged incivility, rudeness and injustice
Women are affected more than men; most are bosses (72 percent)
Bullying
Any verbal or physical strategy that attempts to convince control, or compel others to your point of view; occurs when conflict interactions move beyond threats to verbal abuse and verbal aggressiveness.
Ex: throwing something at someone, twisting arm or hair, push or shove, break bones, used force like hitting, holding down, or using a weapon, grabbed, choking, kicking, etc.
Violence
Meets two criteria: the source of the threat must control the outcome and it must be seen as negative by the recipient. (Touch those cans again or I’ll lock you in the trunk of the car!)
vs
If the source does not control the outcome (If you don’t get your paper in on time, it will hurt your grade.)
Threat vs Warning
- & -
If the source controls the outcome and the recipient sees the outcome as positive, the threat is…
Promise vs Recommendation
+ & +
The idea that people change their communication style based on the demands of different situations. Those who can change and adapt.
Five communication characteristics:
Comfortable altering their roles in response to the behaviors of others
Avoid stylizing their communication behavior, so they are able to adapt
Develop skills to deal with different audiences and are able to withstand the pressure and ambiguity of constant adaptation.
Are able to monitor talk with others to make it purposive rather than expressive. They speak not so much to spill their guts as to solve problems
Adapt and alter behaviors in a rational and orderly way.
Rhetorical sensitivity
Wholeness, Organization, Patterning
Systems Analysis of Conflict
If a conflict were a car with a problem…
The mechanic would look at hte car type. Is it prone to certain types of problems?
We must look at the entire system, not just a collection of individual behaviors. Every individual is embedded within a relational system.
Wholeness
If a conflict were a car with a problem…
The mechanic would look at specific parts—tires, engine, hoses
It is true that the unit is made up of individuals, but it functions as a unit. Each unit has its own patterns of…what is the overall picture?
Organization
If a conflict were a car with a problem…
The mechanic would look for patterns. If the driver does______then_______.
What patterns seems connected. What patterns are predictable, and what functions do these patterns serve?
Patterning
If you experience a conflict with John and you talk to Julia about it, you are participating in a ____?
Conflict triangle
This forms when some are closer to each other than they are to others. A private bond emerges.
Ex: In a family, you may be the outsider, the last to hear of important family events.; groups are work that work together and exclude other groups
Coalition
A set of unstated but very powerful behaviors that limit genuine change; sometimes no matter what content is being discussed, the outcome is the same. They are the way things are done, in a family, a business, a department, or a group of friends; a followable prescription that indicates what behavior is obligated preferred, or prohibited in certain contexts.
When in context X, Y must/must not occur
When Father shows sadness or anger, Mother must soothe him
Interaction Rules
Repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors…with a redundant outcome. Similar to rules, but are descriptive, not prescriptive, of behavior. Clusters of behaviors organized into structurally repetitive
episodes.
Microevents
