Final Flashcards
Breaking down conflicts from one big mass into several smaller, more manageable conflicts
Fractionation
Used to help people broaden their thinking, reflect, and build on integrative ideas; language that leads to moderated emotion; express appreciation and all the core concerns, use “we” language, involve people in decisions that affect them and show respect by asking for opinions and advice from others
Use of positive language and strong emotions
The most effective level of intensity for resolving emotionally-charged conflicts; XYZ formula for clarity
mid-range of emotions (zone of effectiveness)
When you do___
In situation ____
I feel ___________
X,Y,Z Formula for Clarity
Draws not on knowing about something but on clarity; we are clear when we can use all our senses to tell what is actually happening; change perspective
Awareness
We make space for our own feelings and the feelings of others; calm reflection leads to compassion
Compassion
Encourages new integrative outcomes because most conflicts are based on the perception of scarce resources; expanding the resources alters the structure of the conflict
Expanding the Pie
A process in which one of the parties is paid off with some creative form of compensation (i.e. trade-off, cost cutting, bridging)
Non-specific compensation
Occurs when one offers to trade off issues that are the top priority for the others, the arrange agreements so that each of you gets the top priority items while giving on the lower-priority item.
Trade-off (logrolling)
Minimizes the other’s costs for going along with you. For example you want to go skiing with your friend. She is overloaded with work, so you offer to ski only half a day and not let her incur the cost of missing all her work time.
Cost-cutting
Invents new options to meet the other side’s needs. You want to rent an apartment but it is too expensive. You discover that the landlord is concerned about the appearance of the property. So you offer her a rent amount somewhat below what she wants but agree to do 10 hours of fix it work each month. She receives property improvements, and you receive reduced rent.
Bridging
A process in which parties present their case before a judge or jury; assumes that parties are unable to solve their own conflicts, and a decision must be imported from outside
Adjudication
A third party is empowered to decide the outcome of a conflict; parties who cannot resolve their conflict go before one acting as an _______ or judge/jury to solve their conflict.
Arbitration
No power to render a decision or impose a solution; this person helps the parties themselves to work out their differences and to construct a mutually acceptable solution; helps the parties negotiate to reach agreement facilitated by this 3rd party.
Mediation
A dispute resolution option for those who are unable or unwilling to engage in mediation; requires a systems level of thinking and is designed to empower clients to handle conflict; can be integrated with other approaches
Coaching
Individuals, couples, and families often seek the services of a professional to help them resolve disputes; this person has certain credentials or licensing; focuses on all the issues at stake–the emotional and relational issues in addition to the topic dispute.
Counseling
Requires specific training or education; can be paid or unpaid; some religious organizations use a form of this; differ according to the degree to which conflict parties determine the final outcome+
Formal Intervention
The help or assistance of friends, neighbors, supervisors, peers, and other natural helpers in every day conflicts
Informal intervention
Whether you like it or not, you are what?
A negotiator
In the debate between hard and soft negotiation, what is a third way that is to decide issues on their merits rather than through a haggling process focused on what each side says it will and won’t do?
Principled negotiation
It is a growth industry meaning that more and more people want to be involved in making decisions that affect them.
What kind of industry is conflict?
It is an all purpose strategy and unlike others, if the other side learns this one, it doesn’t become more difficult to use, but becomes easier.
How are strategies of “Getting to Yes” different from other strategy books?
Position bargaining where each side takes a position, argues for it, and makes concessions to to reach a compromise.
What is the traditional form of negotiation? What does it mean?
1)It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible
2) It should be efficient
3) It should improve or at least not damage the relationships between the parties
A fair negotiation
Changing the game; a game about a game; negotiation on the merits
What metaphors do others use to describe the third, alternative option of negotiation?
1) Separate the people from the problem
2) Focus on interests, not positions
3) Invent options for mutual gain
4) Insist on using objective criteria
principled negotiation
Negotiators are what, first?
People
*To reach an agreement that satisfies his substantive interests
*an interest in his relationships with the other side
Two kids of interests had by every negotiator
- Perception
- Emotion
- Communication
Three basic categories to make it through the jungle of people problems.
The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be..
One of the most important skills a negotiator can possess
One of the least costly but most rewarding investments you can make in a negotiation
An apology
Without ? there is no negotiation
Communication
If you view each other as adversaries it is difficult to get to the problem. You have to see each other as side by side solving a mutual problem.
The lesson of the “shipwrecked sailors”
They are each side’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears; they are the silent movers behind positions; they define the problem.
What are interests?
Both shared interests or differing but complimentary interests
Building blocks of wise agreements
You are putting yourself in their shoes when you ask ___ and it allows you to get a justification of their position, and an understanding of their needs, hopes, fears, and desires.
Identify the basic decision that those on the other side probably see you asking them for and gives you a starting point of figuring out where their minds are now.
Why should we ask why and why not?
To assume that each person on the other side has the same interests and it is almost never the case. It will be difficult to influence the opposing party to agree to anything if you fail to appreciate the differing interest of the various people and factions involved
Error diagnosing a negotiation situation
Basic human needs: security, economic wellbeing, a sense of belonging, recognition, and control over one’s life.
Most powerful interests
- Make your interests come alive
- Acknowledge their interests as part of the problem.
- Put the problem before your answer
- Look forward, not back
- The question why has two different meanings: one looks backward for a cause and purpose and treats our behavior as determined by prior events; the other looks forward for a purpose and treats our behavior as subject to our free will
- Be concrete but flexible
- Be hard on the problem, soft on the people
Principles of talking about interests
Holds that people dislike inconsistency and will act to eliminate it. An example would be valuing your health and trying to eat right and get enough sleep. Every day, you sit at a desk and know you should be more active You feel guilty even though you are doing other things to stay healthy. Eventually you start going to the gym and it makes you feel good and you no longer feel guilty
Theory of cognitive dissonance
Skill at inventing options
One of the most useful assets a negotiator can have
*Premature judgement
*Searching for a single answer
* The assumption of a fixed pie
* Thinking that solving their problem is their
problem.
Inhibits options.
*Define your purpose
*Choose a few participants
*Change the environment
*design an informal atmosphere
*choose a facilitator
Steps before brainstorming
*Seat the participants side by side facing the problem
*clarify the ground rules, including the no-criticism rule
*brainstorm
*record the ideas in full view
Steps during brainstorming
*Star the most promising ideas
*Invent improvements for promising ideas
*set up a time to evaluate ideas
*decide
Steps after brainstorming
*Shared interests lie latent in every negotiation
*Shared interests are opportunities, not godsends
*Stressing your shared interests can make the negotiation smoother and more amicable
Three points about shared interests
Viva la difference; Reaching agreement through differences in interests, beliefs, priorities, forecasts, and attitudes toward risk
The negotiator’s motto and meaning
It says that if a decision was made previously in a similar situation, the same decision is likely to be made again.
“Few things facilitated decision as much as precedent” means?
A proposal where it would be sufficient, realistic, and operational to respond with a single word, “yes”
Yesable proposition
To negotiate on some basis independent of the will of either side
Objective Criteria
How do you develop objective criteria?
How do you use them in negotiation?
Questions to ask about objective criteria
- Market value
- Precedent
- Scientific judgement
- Professional standards
- Efficiency
- Costs
- Moral standards
Fair standards (exampes)
Dividing a piece of cake between two children: one cuts and the other chooses.
developing fair procedures (example)
- Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria
- Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied
- Never yield to pressure, only to principle
negotiating with objective criteria
Protect yourself by establishing in advance the worst acceptable outcome.
responding to power in negotiations?
*Limits your ability to benefit from what you learn during negotiation.
*Inhibits imagination
*Reduces the incentive to invent a tailor-made solution
* Likely to be set too high
*Might keep you from agreeing to a solution it would be wise to accept.
Cost of using a “bottom line”
Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement
BATNA
A far from perfect agreement that is better than your BATNA. It should provide you with some margin in reserve.
Trip Wire
Truth
Forbearance
Empathy
Interdependence2
Four Strands of Forgiveness
When forgiveness is forced on an individual and they haven’t truly forgiven what has occured.
Cheap grace
The process of repairing a relationships so that reengagement, trust, and cooperation become possible after a transgression or violation.
Reconciliation
To remember in a way that serves individuals, families, and societies in the future; to get over something in the hope of creating something new in our lives requires that we remember the harm we experienced without letting that memory create momentum that leads to revenge.
Principle of Living Way
Memory is essential to the forgiveness process. While forgiving and forgetting can have good intentions, forgetting can lead to a dangerous relationship after the apology.
Matter of Memory (forgiving vs forgetting)
Arranged in private, merely benefits the one who offers the apology and provides little or no benefit for the person who was harmed; the goal is to avoid rather than engage, to escape the consequences of one’s actions rather than learn more about the actual harm caused by one’s actions.
Expedient apology
When someone far removed from the wrongdoing accepts responsibility for the harm and offers an apology on behalf of people no longer present.
Delayed or Surrogate apology