merging self and other

Question 1

speed dating - selectivity matters

Answer 1

• When a p uniquely desired a particular partner, partner tended to feel more desire and chemistry
  
  • When a p tended to desire many partners, partners experienced less desire and chemistry
    Mediated by perceived unselectivity

Question 2

managing risk

Answer 2

Matching phenomenon: couples tend to be similar attractiveness
Means we don’t automatically pursue the most attractive option - we pick people we feel matched with
· Risks and rewards balance
Risk of rejection

Question 3

bernstein 1983

Answer 3

People more likely to make moves in more ambiguous conditions

Movie study:
Movie playing on screens - one table occupied by pretty lady
Low ambiguity: same movie on both screen
High ambiguity: different movie
🎥🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🎬🎬🎬🎬📽🎥🎞🎞🎞🎞🎞🎞🍿🍿🍿
People more likely to go sit next to pretty lady when a different movie is playing - know its not about the movies since they were balanced across participants

Question 4

why is unrequited love a strange phenomenon

Answer 4

Weird because we tend to try to maximize rewards and minimize costs - unrequited love is a minimal reward situation

Question 5

aron et al 1998 - 3 factors that predict intensity of unrequited love

Answer 5

· Perceived potential value of relationship
· Probability of striking up a relationship
Perceived benefits to self of liking person, even if not reciprocated

Question 6

cultural scripts

Answer 6

• Cultural depictions where would be lover persists and wins in the end - lots of scripts for pursuer
  Fewer scripts for the rejector - less depictions from the target’s perspective - ‘scriptlessness”

Question 7

baumeister, wotman and stillwell, 1993

Answer 7

Rejectors also feel like victims and have a sense of emotional interdependence and responsibility
- Both rejector and pursuer struggle to understand each other

Pursuer:
- High stakes gamble
- Look back on experience with ambivalence - high highs and low lows
- Feel like they have been led on and communication was unclear

Rejector:
- No win situation
- Uniformly negative in their accounts
- See themselves as morally innocent but still feel guilty
Reluctance to cause pain may be misconstrued as “mixed signals”

Question 8

should you play hard to get?

Answer 8

· Selectively hard to get
· Don’t be mean to prospective partners
- Realize that prospective partners are wary of rejection and incurring high costs

🚦In a relationship…AVOID MIXED SIGNALS🚦
Ambiguity is bad for your partner and bad for your relationship

Question 9

do we even know what we want

Answer 9

→ Traits that ps rate as important in an ideal partner do not predict actual attraction in speed dating event
→ People often disregard declared dealbreakers in the context of a broader relationship dynamic
○ Deal breakers = deal benders

Question 10

context and attraction - dutton and aron, 1974

Answer 10

Preferences can feel like a stable part of our identity - but attraction can depend on where we encounter potential partner

CAPILANO SUSPENSION BRIDGE STUDY - DUTTON DN ARON, 1974
- Men more likely to be attracted to pretty women on scary bridge vs safe bridge
- Attribute fear of bridge to heart beating because of nice lady

Question 11

misattribution of arousal

Answer 11

attributing physiological arousal (e.g., sympathetic nervous system activation) to the wrong source

Question 12

summary of attraction

Answer 12

• Researchers focus on specific attraction factors
  ○ Proximity/familiarity, individual differences, similarity, reciprocity
  
  • Some factors that draw us together are instrinsically rewarding
  • Motivated cognition
  • Contextual factors
  • Interpersonal chemistry=dyadic interactions

⚔️Forces that drew us together might not be the same ones that keep us together⚔️

Question 13

intimacy

Answer 13

reciprocal, iterative interplay between the self and other

Question 14

self concept

Answer 14

what we know and believe about ourselves

Question 15

symbolic interactionism

Answer 15

Charles horton cooley: the looking glass self - develop self concept through interactions with others
- How do others see me?
- How do they evaluate me?
Develop and revise self concept based on these perceptions and judgments

Question 16

active role of the individual

Answer 16

Individual plays active role in selecting and interpreting perceived judgments and perceptions of others - also attempts to manage others’ perceptions through self presentation strategies

Question 17

symbolic interationism

Answer 17

the self is a social construction, developed and maintained via inferences from experiences with others - sense of self is experienced in relation to some audience (real or imagined, specific or generalized)

…we imagine the reactions of others (consciously and non consciously)

Question 18

baldwin and holmes, 1987

Answer 18

Private beliefs are tailored for public acceptance - ps who read a sexy passages (50 shades of grey) rated them higher when they were primed to think about friends vs when they were primed to think about older relatives

Question 19

self esteem

Answer 19

Trait level: enduring level of self regard, fairly stable
State level: dynamic, changing feelings about the self - vary moment to moment

Question 20

sociometer theory, leary 1999

Answer 20

Self esteem as a “gauge” to assess the degree of acceptance by others
- Found that trait self esteem strongly correlates with perceptions of acceptance
Ps who were told another group member didn’t choose them for an assignment felt worse about themselves (duh)

Question 21

valuation of personal attributes

Answer 21

Intrapersonal view: private self valuation
Interpersonal view: believing that one possesses certain attributes should only affect self esteem to the extent that one considers these attributes to be judged positively or negatively by other people

Question 22

macdonald et al, 2003

Answer 22

How closely your performance in a given domain is tied to your self esteem depends on how much you think people around you value that domain
- Ps filled out a measure of self esteem
- Rated themselves in domains
Indicated how important the domains were for social approval or disapproval

Question 23

baldwin, 1990

Answer 23

People primed with disapproving faces of people they respect were harder on themselves when evaluating previous ideas - opposite effect for approving face

Question 24

self expansion model (aron and aron, 1986)

Answer 24

People are motivated to expand their potential efficacy - accrue resources, knowledge, perspectives
- Relationships are a good way to do this
In close relationships, the partners identities, perspectives, skills, and resources become included in the self