Masterclass_Relational Psychology Part 1 Flashcards
1
Q
The realms that psychologists explore are the same ones that humans have ______ __ for millenia.
A
mulled over
2
Q
_________ heavy topics is tough, but it does not have to be debilitating.
A
Broaching
3
Q
The Flight\Flee _____. According to Ester, conflict between two people can be analysed using three combinations of two archetypes.
A
melee
4
Q
Things to consider when you’re
cultivating a relationship—or
trying to _________ one.
A
salvage
5
Q
Learn More
Esther’s key works, plus an
extensive reading list that she ________ just for you.
A
curated
6
Q
As a practicing therapist and __________
public thinker, she has vivified countless
relationships—at work and at home
A
in-demand
7
Q
For Esther, eroticism is “a quality
of aliveness, of ___________, of vitality, a
life force” that’s just as relevant to
your work life as it is to your love life
A
vibrancy
8
Q
And because virtually everyone lives in a ________ of personal,
professional, and transactional relationships, the erotic charge of those
relationships is integrally tied to the
pursuit of a meaningful life.
A
matrix
9
Q
Workplace dynamics have _______
large in her clinical work from the beginning, and she has explored the
subject as a speaker, a workshop facilitator, and a consultant to some of
the world’s biggest companies.
A
loomed
10
Q
As she says at the ________ of
her class, “Between individuals, between couples, groups, nations—relationships are relationships.”
A
outset
11
Q
Esther’s ________ sense of the erotic, and her fascination with relationships in all their complexity, can be traced back to relationships of her own.
A
expansive
12
Q
Both of her parents were survivors of Nazi concentration camps.
After World War II, they settled in Belgium, where Esther was born in 1958.
Growing up, she watched her parents
embrace life even _ _ ____ _ unthinkable trauma
A
in the wake of
13
Q
In addition to her many
high-profile speaking ____________
and consulting jobs, she still sees patients twice a week.
A
engagements
14
Q
Eventually, her gift for illuminating the ever-evolving conventions of sexuality
came ___ ____ __________.
A
to the forefront
15
Q
With her first book, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence,
published in 2006, Esther entered
the mainstream as an _______ public
thinker.
A
incisive
16
Q
Her second book, 2017’s The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, brought
new levels of attention—especially
its thesis that adulterous episodes
within committed relationships
might not be the _____ ________
they’re so often made out to be.
A
deal breakers
17
Q
A second TED Talk followed, as
did Esther’s first podcast, Where
Should We Begin?, which features
_____ - ______ therapy sessions with real
couples.
A
one-off
18
Q
Esther easily could have
stayed __ ___ _____, but with the 2017
launch of How’s Work?, her second
podcast, she used the talk-therapy
format to explore workplace dynamics
A
in this lane
19
Q
Startup founders, sex workers,
lobbyists, hairdressers—the show
revealed that no matter the job,
everyone _______ __ to work bearing a
unique relational history
A
shows up
20
Q
You’ll work on cultivating self-awareness, creating
healthy boundaries, and ________ ___
your communication skills; you’ll also
learn how to approach conflict empathetically, broach difficult topics, and
regroup after you’ve been criticized.
A
leveling up
21
Q
If you ever feel stuck in your romantic relationship (or lack _______) or career, you’re in the right place.
A
thereof
22
Q
The work is both complex and
__________ simple.
A
exquisitely
23
Q
The ancient Greek stoics—philosophers who prize
virtue, reason, and existential inquiry—are among the
first in the Western world to _________ the human
mind.
A
pathologize
24
Q
Athenian thinker Plato attributes melancholia,
mania, and depression to an _____________ between the
rational soul, located in the brain, and the irrational soul,
which resides in the chest.
A
incongruence
25
Plato’s protégé Aristotle _______ that philosophical discussion can help heal _______ individuals—a ________ to psychotherapy, which revolves around conversation between a mental health professional and a patient.
surmises, afflicted, forerunner
26
Ancient matters of the mind are hardly restricted to the Mediterranean. For seven hundred years, great Hindu written works are produced under the name Patanjali. (Scholars disagree on who wrote
what using this _______.)
byline
27
One of Patanjali’s major contributions to psychology is a model of the mind: Separated into four concentric parts, it consists of an ___________ social self, a physical self, a psychological self, and, at the core, a cognitive apparatus.
outermost
28
Patanjali also identifies six psychological “____,” including lust,
greed, and pride—an idea that will echo more than two millennia later in Sigmund Freud’s conception of the id.
foes
29
Greek physician Aretaeus of Cappadocia claims that depression comes from the soul’s energy cooling down, which in turn could disturb one’s black bile—one of four fluids (or so the thinking goes) fueling the human constitution. Yet his description of depression is easily recognizable: “The melancholic isolates himself.… He curses life and wishes ___ death. He wakes up suddenly and is seized by a great tiredness.”
for
30
Generally, Europeans of the Middle Ages endure a ________ of scientific developments in psychology:
Mental illness (like the weather, coincidences, and other facts of life) is often seen as the devil’s work.
regression
31
Dutch master Hieronymus Bosch depicts a
medical procedure known as trepanation—the drilling of
holes into the skull to treat mental illness (as well as epilepsy
and other conditions). The method has been in use for most
of the common era and would be endorsed by prominent
thinkers through the seventeenth century, losing ______
only in the 1800s.
steam
32
Austrian physician Josef Breuer begins to develop a so-called _______ cure for his patient Bertha Pappenheim, who is diagnosed with “hysteria”—a later-disproved condition that allegedly leaves women in states of _______.
talking, frenzy
33
Although he ultimately abandons his ideas, Breuer’s protégé—
Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud—sees the _______ of psychotherapy. He launches the field by copublishing the book Studies on Hysteria with Breuer in 1895.
nucleus
34
Among the most prominent are ego psychology, which involves balancing ego and the demands of
reality; object relations theory, which emphasizes humanity’s reliance on relationships; and self psychology, which explains motivation in terms of self-esteem and __________.
self-cohesion
35
The twentieth-century theories of psychology inform the development of psychodynamic therapy, a form of talk therapy (in which Esther is trained) that explores unconscious ________ by identifying them and seeking out their root causes, typically through once- or twice-weekly meetings.
stirrings
36
Psychodynamic therapy also centers the relationship between client and therapist, whose discussions can be uniquely ____-_____.
free-form
37
This therapy _______ that when the client’s mind is allowed to wander, it will naturally ________ toward themes that can lead to fruitful analysis.
posits, gravitate
38
Empathy
This complex term, whose Greek
roots translate to “in-feeling,” means
the ability to understand and even
_________ experience the inner
lives of others.
vicariously
39
“Empathy is that ability to put ourselves in another person’s shoes—the _____________, if you want, of self-awareness,” Esther says.
counterforce
40
Through empathy, we can become more ___________ members of relationships
conscientious
41
In the context of Esther’s class, _______ is the appropriate distribution of power within a system.
equity
42
It requires an understanding as to how power is defined and who holds it: Is it the _____ _______? The one who makes decisions?
higher earner
43
Does one person’s _______ of power come at another’s expense? Once power is understood by all parties, it can be shared according to each participant’s needs and responsibilities. (This is distinct from equality, where the same amount of power is afforded to every participant.)
accrual
44
Eroticism
This term stems from Eros, the name of the Greek god of love and sexual desire. It’s typically used to describe those urges, but Esther sees it as the degree to which a person, couple, or group feels a sense of aliveness, vitality, and __________.
generativity
45
The central agents of eros are our imagination, curiosity, and playfulness; it thrives on mystery and ________. Esther’s conception of the term is informed by ancient Greek philosophy and Jewish mysticism, as well as the work of Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, Mexican poet Octavio Paz, and French theorist Roland Barthes.
ritual
46
A form of talk therapy that seeks to uncover the root causes of troubling emotions through regular sessions with a therapist. The sessions are characterized by a close relationship between the therapist and the patient and the embrace of ______-____ conversation.
free-form
47
During these sessions,
therapists focus on how patients
express their feelings, noting themes
or patterns that _________ and guiding
patients to discuss subjects they
seem to be avoiding.
surface
48
Psycholinguistics
A field of study that deals with the
systems that allow humans to communicate, using a psychological lens.
Speech and language development,
and how individuals interpret speech,
are the dual ________ of the discipline.
cruxes
49
As you develop
relational intelligence, your ability to
deeply understand your dynamics
with others will increase—and so will
the opportunity to __________ them
more effectively.
navigate
50
Self-awareness
The degree to which you recognize the motivations and external forces behind your actions, as well as the impact of those actions. Esther sees it as both the counterforce to and the ___________of empathy.
antecedent
51
Tragic optimism
Unlike toxic positivity, which demands that adherents remain _________ no matter the dreadful circumstances that surround them, tragic optimism offers an approach that’s
both affirmative and _______.
sanguine, clear-eyed
52
Unconscious bias
The beliefs you ______ about another
individual or group without realizing
it.
harbor
53
According to Mahzarin R.
Banaji, a Harvard professor and
coauthor of Blindspot: Hidden Biases
of Good People, unconscious bias
has more to do with what she calls
“the thumbprint of the culture” than
individual ___________.
proclivities
54
What if this upsets my friend enough that we never make plans again? Catastrophizing leads every
possible outcome into ____ ______.
dire straits
55
CONFIRMATION BIAS
The tendency to see what one is expecting to see, overlooking or dismissing details that ____ ________ to internal narratives.
run counter
56
FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR
Example: If you’re late to an event, you might recognize that forces outside your control, such as traffic, contributed to your __________; when someone else is late, you decide that
they’re inherently ______.
tardiness, flaky
57
Rather than feeling _______ into action, contemplating what you should be doing only serves as a reminder of the gulf separating you from the person you’d like to be.
spurred
58
TOTALISTIC THINKING
Defining other people in absolute terms: They’re always ______, or they’re never compassionate. By thinking in this way, you don’t only paint others with a broad brush (possibly relying on embellished moments from your own experiences with them), but you also present your perception as objectively true.
defiant
59
“Sometimes the stories that we tell about ourselves also have the risk of becoming rigid, repetitious, narrow, _____________,” Esther says. Similarly, too much self-reflection can come ___ ____ ____________of empathy.
reductionistic, at the expense
60
The key is to develop a sense of self that is deeply rooted, adaptable to _______ circumstances, and open to other people in all their complexity.
shifting
61
________ ____ _____, Esther suggests that you draw up a private document she calls a relational résumé.
Toward that end
62
Much in the same way that a traditional résumé lists education, work experience, skills, and professional
___________, a relational résumé covers the bonds that have shaped the person you are today—the parental dynamics you absorbed as a child, the friendships you fostered in school, and the romantic partners you’ve loved and, ___ ____ ______ may
be, lost.
accolades, as the case
63
On the following pages, you’ll build your own relational resume, digging deep into your ______ to reveal what you carry with you.
psyche
64
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF ___________
As far as the brain is concerned, empathy is a group effort.
This diagram highlights 6 regions that researchers have
found to be ________ of relational processing.
RELATEDNESS, hotbeds
65
Sparking Our _________
Our ability to empathize with the physical suffering of others comes through a “pain matrix,” a network of brain regions that processes those sensations whether they’re experienced directly or observed in others.
Circuitry
66
This network is believed to be divided into two circuits: One processes pain psychologically, while the other maps pain onto the corresponding part of the observer’s body. In 2011,
scientists at the University of Southern California studied the ability of humans to ______ this system, even when watching pain inflicted on body parts they themselves didn’t possess.
wield
67
The Power of _______
For a 2009 study conducted by a team of scholars from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the University of Virginia, 128 children were given novelty cans of “nuts,” which ejected springs when opened, and instructed to ______ their parents.
Pranks, prank
68
Kids in the test group with high levels of empathic
__________ — the ability to feel ______________ pain by relating to another’s experience—showed greater cortex flashes than the group of kids with lower empathic concern.
concern, secondhand
69
Empathy affects numerous areas of the brain, but in 2012 scientists at Mount Sinai School of Medicine inNew York were able to ___________ the __________ from which empathy flows: the anterior insular cortex⁵, located along the lateral sulcus (a fissure that runs into the center of the brain).
pinpoint, wellspring
70
Relational Boundaries.
They can be rigid, ____________, or flexible, and
they’re constantly subject to change.
permeable
71
One ______-________ attempt to map out personal boundaries came from Ernest Hartmann, an Austrian American psychiatrist and the author of the 2011 book Boundaries: A New Way to Look at the World.
high-profile
72
Hartmann ______________ boundaries on a ______-_-_______spectrum; in the 1980s, he developed an extensive Boundary Questionnaire and found that thinner-skinned people were more likely to study art or music and work as fashion models, and that the thicker-skinned could be found in the legal profession, in sales, and serving as naval officers.
envisioned, thick-to-thin
73
Hartmann and subsequent researchers, people with thinner boundaries tend to be more sensitive and open to new experiences, while those whose boundaries are relatively thick are more likely to be _____ and suspicious of the unfamiliar.
stoic
74
Rigid Boundaries: You are _______ ___. You find closeness intrusive or potentially hurtful, and you may feel you need to hold on to your boundaries with _____ _________ to protect against threat.
walled off, white knuckles
75
Rigid Boundaries: You lean toward ________ self-reliance, you _____ ______ at input from others, and you are reluctant to ask for help.
staunch, push back
76
Rigid boundaries can create too much space between partners or family members, and they can lead to so-called _____ at work.
silos
77
People with permeable boundaries experience high permeability. They can be severely affected by external circumstances, like the trials and __________of other people.
tribulations
78
People with permeable boundaries might reveal too much
about themselves to others, and their fear of rejection and dependence on outside opinions can lead to burnout. They lose their _____-________ and struggle to hold on to themselves in the presence of another.
self-direction
79
Permeable boundaries. When partners are “too ______”
fused
80
A relationship can also be _______ to the outside world: You can sense a relationship like this might be forming if, for example, you begin having fights with your partner about how others perceive you as a couple.
porous
81
Flexible Boundaries. Because people in this category consciously choose what to let in and what to reject, they are more likely to remain mentally and emotionally stable, even in ______ circumstances.
trying
82
Flexible boundaries. Because of their level of comfort with themselves, they’re able to share personal information in a way that’s situationally appropriate, refraining from over- or under-sharing. _______, they can also communicate their needs and desires while accepting "no" as the answer.
Crucially
83
Flexible Boundaries. Couples with flexible boundaries enjoy a balance between independence and __________.
communion
84
Individual growth is encouraged, not _______, and stimuli from outside the relationship—like other relationships or opinions—are considered and, if the couple deems it
appropriate, allowed in.
stymied
85
Power. People who consider themselves powerless in romantic, familial, or group settings could actually hold all the cards. Sometimes they’re ______-_____ children; sometimes they’re struggling partners who refuse to seek help.
tantrum-prone
86
The ____________: When people need something that you can provide, withhold, or take away, whether it’s material resources or household tranquility, you have power.
throughline
87
Power can be generative or destructive.
Studies have proved that power without empathy and accountability can lead to rash and ___________ behavior, ______ ____ on couples, businesses, and larger social structures.
egomaniacal, wreaking havoc
88
__________, people who come to power with a preexisting concern for others might find that their increasing influence allows their empathetic tendencies to come ____ _______.
Conversely, full bloom.
89
The Ecology of Conflict. From _________ to break-ups, learn how to make confrontation less destructive and more productive.
bickering
90
Being alive means having difficult conversations, whether
you’re a manager giving a mixed performance review or a
romantic partner bringing the relationship to an end.
More ________ exchanges can be hard to initiate, too—like telling a stranger on the subway to stop manspreading or asking a coworker to reconsider their Slack etiquette.
quotidian
