Lesson 3: Vulnerability

Question 0

It is normal and okay to want to make a good first impression, the problem begins when…

Answer 0

You feel you HAVE to make to a good impression. Then it begins performance behavior.

The resolution is being okay with people not liking us.

You don’t HAVE to make a good impression

Question 1

What is the opposite of performance?

Answer 1

Vulnerability.

Question 2

What does being Vulnerable mean?

Answer 2

Its being authentic and true to yourself

Question 3

Vulnerability isn’t an act or action you take. Vulnerability is…

Answer 3

The willingness to be rejected or hurt.

Question 4

What is the paradox with vulnerability? Or the willingness to be rejected or hurt?

Answer 4

The more comfortable you are with people rejecting/hurting you, the less likely you are to be rejected/hurt

Question 5

What is the great piece of advice Mark Mansons friend gave him?

Answer 5

“You should be able to share any aspect of yourself, with anyone, at any moment.”

Question 6

In other words to summarize the social paradox: What happens when you become comfortable with being hurt?

Answer 6

You can never be hurt

Question 7

What is Behavior Vulnerability?

Answer 7

1) Behavior vulnerability: Taking action that confronts a fear or insecurity. Eg walking up to a women you don’t know and speaking to her. Asking someone on a date. Cold calling someone to get business. Doing something that confronts one of your insecurities or one of your weaknesses.

Question 8

What is Verbal Vulnerability?

Answer 8

2) Verbal Vulnerability:
Sharing thoughts, ideas or unsavory facts about your life, that may not be liked. Eg: Sharing an unsavory fact about yourself when on a date with a women. Talking to your boss about a new idea, that you may feel a lil insecure about bc maybe hell hate it. Telling a joke to a group of friends that may not be funny

Question 9

What is Emotional Vulnerability?

Answer 9

3) Emotional vulnerability is sharing your feelings. Eg. Saying “Look I am really nervous right now but, I wanted to ask you on a date.” Or “Im really upset now and hurt that you didn’t call me back after this happened.”

Question 10

There are two things that will happen as you do vulnerability exercises and open up more, what is the first of those 2 things, and why?

Answer 10

1) The more vulnerable you are, the smaller the inferiority gap.

Why? Bc when you are 100% open and clear with people, YOU ARE IMPLYING EQUALITY. You are implying equal status. Which is saying that you and I are of the same status. And that means that you will be attractive to more people, specifically women.

Question 11

Vulnerability is nerve wrecking. And that is where _________ comes from

Answer 11

Anxiety.

Question 12

The second thing about vulnerability and closing this inferiority gap, is that vulnerability is nerve wrecking, how does that relate to feeling anxiety?

Answer 12

Vulnerability is nerve wrecking. And thats where anxiety comes from. For example if you are insecure about your communication skills, your insecure about that part of yourself, and then you try to hide it or compensate in some way for it, and because you continue hiding it and dont handle it, it causes anxiety

Question 13

Why do you hide those insecure parts of yourself?

Answer 13

Because you assume that people will look down on you, so you hide it and don’t express that part of yourself. (Lower in the social matrix)

Which causes you to do what?

To perform!

Question 14

What does having to hide a certain part of yourself cause you to do?

Answer 14

It causes you to perform!

Which ironically lowers your status

Which makes you feel worse about yourself.

Its a self fulfilling prophecy.

Question 15

What is the base that the downward spiral starts with?

Answer 15

The base is the insecurity you hide and cover by compensating and performing! Which begins the downward spiral

Question 16

What is an example of the self fulfilling downward spiral?

Answer 16

Lets say you are insecure about your looks and then you try to hide it1 (base) why do you hide it? Because you think that people will look down on you, and that causes you to perform2, which lowers your value3, which causes you to feel worse about yourself.4. And that is the self fulfilling downward spiral

• im insecure about my looks so im going to hide it from her putting my perception of myself on the social matrix as lower then her
• im going to perform and try to compensate for what im insecure about and hiding actually places yourself lower then her on her social matrix
• aww man I really am lower value then her you begin feeling worse about yourself

Question 17

How do you get out of this self fulfilling downward spiral?

Answer 17

To become comfortable with these insecurities.

Question 18

What is the personal example Mark

Speaks about on being comfortable with your insecurities?

Answer 18

If you are feeling insecurity when meeting new people, you can become comfortable with it by saying that its something you’ve always had, its never going to go away, that is a part of myself, and thats something I need to accept about myself.

And from that you can come to terms with it. I am going to be nervous! If I go out and meet an attractive women, I am going to be nervous. And that is just a fact of my life. And Im okay with that.

Question 19

Accepting an insecurity or anxiety will do what to it?

Answer 19

Make it much easier to deal with

Question 20

Vulnerability has to be _________ and ________. You cant ‘perform’ vulnerability.

Answer 20

Authentic and true

Question 21

What are the 5 benefits of Vulnerability that makes you more attractive to women?

Answer 21

1) it closes the inferiority gap
2) it helps you work through shame. Its the only way to change yourself permanently.
3) it defeats anxiety and overcomes anxiety
4) it builds connection and intimacy.
5) it creates sexual tension

Question 22

Recap what happens when you are being Vulnerable:

Answer 22

• It forces you to confront your shame, anxiety, insecurities,
• it closes the inferiority gap
• its uncomfortable, but vulnerability is the only long term solution to the issues in your dating life.
• vulnerability is the only long term solution to becoming fearless and confident in your sexuality and around women.
• vulnerability builds self esteem, it builds trust with others,
• it makes relationships more enjoyable, -open communication with women that you date
• vastly improves the odds that the relationships going to last and that its going to be happy
• Vulnerability will affect and permeate every area of your life.