Interpersonal Exam #2 Flashcards
misconceptions about listening
BOOK
listening
the process of receiving and responding to others’ messages
hearing
physiological process of decoding sound
must be able to hear to listen
active vs. passive listening
passive
-act as a recorder
active
-feedback to the speaker what they are saying
pseudolistening
giving the appearance of being attentive while not being mentally present
5 steps of listening process
hearing attending understanding remembering responding
listening styles
people oriented
action-oriented
content-oriented
time-oriented
people-oriented
comfortable with and skilled at listening to people’s feelings and emotions
empathetic
positives
-develop deeper connection
negatives
-may be empathizing with something that’s not good
may be empathizing when they shouldn’t
action-oriented
preference for well-organized, brief, and error free information
dislikes long stories and hearing people digress
second-guesses about the other person’s ideas and assumptions rather than accepting things at face value
positives
-get things done
-good for professional environment
negatives
-appear as untrusting
content-oriented
comfortable listening to complex, detailed information
hones in on facts, details, and evidence
good judge of accuracy and credibility of information
positives
-good with accuracy
-good at dealing with a lot of information and keeping it all straight
negative
-can get caught up in details and miss the big picture
time-oriented
keenly aware of how much time they have to listen
want messages delivered quickly and briefly
positives
-get a lot done
-efficient with other people’s time
negatives
-can come off as uncaring
listening barriers
BOOK
types of responding
silent listening questioning paraphrasing empathizing supporting analyzing evaluating advising
silent listening
don't respond verbally stay non-verbally attentive most under-utilized response when -grieving
questioning
asking for additional information reasons -ground a person in reality -clarify -encourage elaboration -encourage discovery
counterfeit questions to avoid
question that traps the speaker
-did you get caught cheating on the test last week
question that makes a statement
-are you off the phone yet
question that carries a hidden agenda
-hey what are you doing Friday… I need help moving
paraphrasing
restating the speaker’s statement in your own words
demonstrates understanding
can be used to clarify meanings
good times to use questioning and paraphrasing
when you don’t know what to say or how to respond
when you want them to feel validated
when you don’t understand
empathizing
used when we want to identify with the other person
we are reflecting back to the other person how they feel
requirements
-socially decenter
-has to be sincere
poor empathizing responses
-denying the other person’s feelings
–“it’‘ll be okay”
–demonstrates that you don’t get it
-minimize the importance of the situation
supporting
when we reflect back to the person how we feel
examples
-simple agreement - I think you’re right
-offer to help
-praise - I think you’re doing a great job
-reassurance
key
-it must match what the other person needs
times to use empathizing and support
times where nothing can be done to solve the problem
when someone needs comfort
analyzing
when you give your interpretation of the message or situation
when
-try and get them to consider different alternatives
guidelines
-always offer analysis in a tentative way
–“maybe”
-make sure the person is going to be receptive to your analysis
-make sure the goal is to help the other person
evaluating
when you offer a positive or negative appraisal of something
-“that’s a good idea”
when to offer evals
-wait for the other person to ask what you think
-make sure your feedback is constructive
advising
telling the other person what they should do next
most overused listening response
when to offer advice
-make sure the other person wants to hear our advice
-consider if the person will follow-accept your advice
-make sure the advice is good
–an opinion is not the same thing as good advice
good times to use analysis, evaluation, and advising
when someone is stuck and need help getting out of it
any time someone asks for help
which type of listening response to use
best to begin with
-questioning, paraphrasing, empathy, or support
then move to
-advice, evaluation, analysis
meanings are in…
people, not words
words are…
symbolic - represent something arbitrary - have no meaning in themselves context bound culturally bound abstract or concrete
The Semantic Triangle of Meaning
top - thought bottom left - symbol (word) -"dog" --we picture what we are familiar with bottom right - referent (thing) bottom line is dotted - arbitrary the thought is the only thing that connects the word to the thing -the exception: onomatopoeia
Speech Act Theory
language isn’t just a way of standing for something, language is also a way of doing actions
-promising, threatening, requesting, complementing
rules in speech act theory
constitutive rules define what the act will “count as”
regulative rules indicate what we believe the other will or should do next
indirect speech acts
doing one action while seeming to do another
what is said is different than what is done
“would you like some candy”
-stated as a question, taken as an offer
Sapir/Whort Hypothesis
language influences our perception of reality
word barriers
bypassing -occurs when a certain word or words can mean different things to different people bafflegab -highly abstract or jargoned language lack of precision allness -using language to make unqualified or often times untrue generalization static evaluation -statement that fails to recognize change -10 year reunion polarization -describing things in extrement -"worst movie ever" biased language -"men's bball vs. girls' bball"
differences in male/female language use
men speak in sentence fragments
men talk about themselves with “I” references
female speech is more tentative elaborate, and emotional
self-disclosure
revealing something about yourself that someone wouldn’t otherwise know unless you told them
characteristics of self-disclosure
moves in small increments -don't overwhelm other person -allows for trust to be built moves from less personal to more personal is reciprocal involves risk involves trust
reasons to self-disclose
increase self-understanding helps develop relationships helps manage the impressions we send catharsis -the purging of emotions -must be careful not to unfairly put our burdens on another person
disclosure-liking hypothesis
the more we self-disclose, the more they like us exceptions -non-normative self-disclosure --when it breaks the characteristics -negative information
reasons not to self-disclose (risks)
fear of negative judgment fear of abandonment -why people don't share that they are cheating in a relationship concern over loss of control -"I love you" fear of angry attacks
appropriate discolsure determiners
emotional
-are they emotionally ready to hear what I am about to say
relevance
situational
-is this the right TIME, PLACE AND RELATIONSHIP for my self-disclosure
social penetration theory
self-disclosure increases as we develop our relationships
four dimensions
-depth
–how personal the information is
–how vulnerable the information makes us
-breadth
–the number of topics you disclose about
–some relationships have really narrow breadth
-frequency
–how often self-disclosure occurs
-valence
–positive or negative nature of the self-disclosure
–if self-disclosure is generally negative, it pushes others away
–we don’t disclose negative information until we know someone fairly well
we can use this to analyze the level of disclosure in our relationships
“the Onion”
depth and breadth -as we move closer to the center we have depth -each section of the onion represents a different topic three levels of depth -superficial (hobbies, interests) -personal (dreams, personal opinions) -intimate (we seldom reveal) the model
Johari Window
general model of self-disclosure and feedback (self-awareness)
divided in four frames based on how much self-disclosure and feedback we give
in NOTES
4 selves in Johari Window
open self -physical characteristics -name -preferences hidden self -personal thoughts blind self -mannerisms unknown self -abilities -genetic issues
verbal vs. nonverbal communication
verbal
-characterized by the use of language
-includes both spoken and written language
-content-oriented
nonverbal
-any behavior that transmits meaning without the use of language
-relationally oriented
importance of nonverbal communication
believed over verbal communication
-harder to control our nonverbal behaviors
ever-present in face-to-face interaction
nonverbal cues communicate feelings and emotions (93%)
-two channels through which we communicate emotion
-face - primary emotional channel
-voice
can enhance or inhibit understanding
can express what verbal cues can’t or shouldn’t
more effective than verbal communicaton
interpreting nonverbal messages
nonveral messages are often ambiguous - may have different meanings
continuous
multichanneled
-we can only pay attention to 2 or 3 nonverbal messages at a time
-nonverbal cues can be both intentional and unintentional
-nonverbal interpretation is culturally based
improving ability to interpret nonverbal messages
know the difference between observing and interpreting nonverbal messages
consider nonverbal cues in context
look for clusters of nonverbal cues
consider past experiences when interpreting nonverbal cues
two primary nonverbal messages
intimacy/involvement -affiliation/positivity -use when we like someone or want to draw closer to them dominance -signify status, position, and power some cues for intimacy and dominance are the same -eye contact -close proximity what differentiates the two? -tone of voice -smiling
nonverbal communication codes
facial expressions -exhibit gallery for emotions oculesics - eye behavior proxemics - the study of personal space and intimacy kinesics - the study of human movement and gesture vocalics - the study of the voice olfactics - the study of smell haptics - the study of touch chronemics - the study of time
facial primacy
idea that we get more nonverbal information from the face than any other channel
types of facial expressions
presentational -expressing an emotion you're not really feeling -not the genuine artifact representational -expressing an emotion you're feeling -genuine artifact
functions of the eye
cognitive function monitoring function -monitor the behavior of others regulatory function -regulate the flow of conversation expressive function
uses of personal space
intimate distance - touch to 18 in.
-friends, family, romantic partners in private
personal distance - 18 in-4 ft
-friends, family, romantic partners in public
social distance - 4-12 ft
-acquaintances, strangers, small group
public distance - 12 ft+
-public speaking, presentation
the distance between people indicates the closeness of the relationship
vocaliccs
voice clarifies the intent of the message
olfactics
smell is important in respect to attraction
pheromones
haptics
touch typically communicates affection, intimacy
-dominance
chronemics
can communicate importance
-who we do and don’t spend time with
deception
conscious and intentional
act that “fosters in another person a belief or understanding which the deceiver considers false”
you have to mean to mislead people
forms of deception
falsification
-making something up that has no truth to it
omission
-the information given is true, but part of the story is omitted
exaggeration
-the embellishment of the facts
equivocation
-not actually answering the question
“do you swear to tell the truth (falsification), the whole truth (omission), and nothing but the truth (exaggeration)”
reasons for deceptions
partner-focused -done when we want to avoid hurting that person self-focused -to protect ourselves relationship-focused -trying to limit relational harm
nonverbal leakage
when we lie, we experience a cognitive strain as we try to say something plausible but false and also anxiety
as a result, our body creates extra energy that we have to release in small, subtle cues
cues to look for
pitch increases
rate increases
guidelines for recognizing deception
nonverbal cues
usually takes a wide swath of evidence to correctly determine a lie
misinterpretation errors
- Othello Error
- Truth and Deceit Bias
Othello Error
-occurs when a suspicious observes discounts cues of truthfulness, given the observer’s need to conform his/her observations of suspicions of deception
truth and deceit bias
-whichever one we want to believe, we believe
