Humor oral Flashcards
Beginning:
A speeding ticket? And for what? I don’t even own a car!
You know what you did, you scoundrel!
I don’t know much about the law, sir!
You were speed walking! Morning strolls shall not exceed 2 km/h, you criminal!
You don’t need even know me, how can you add me to the system?
Alright then, [dramatic pause] What’s your name sir?
Right. Hold on a second. [Hugh gets a pen out of his pocket] Ready?
Yes. [Confused]
My name is Hugh… [Hugh drops the pen onto the counter]
What are you doing?
That’s my name.
What is?
This. Hugh… [Hugh drops the pen again]
That’s your name?
yes
What? Hugh [Stephen drops the pen]… Is your name?
yes
What kind of name is that?
Well it’s my name.
Unusual, isn’t it, Mr… [Drops pen]?
If I had a pound for every time someone’s said that… Besides, you pronounced it wrong.
Do not mock me. [Exaggerated sigh] And how do spell… [Drops pen], Mr … [Drops pen]?
It’s as it sounds.
Uh uh. Yeah, but I wonder if you’d mind actually spelling it for me, would you?
Well, I mean, can’t you just…
I’d be very grateful. If you wouldn’t mind.
N-I-P-P-L hyphen E.
Nipple.
I beg your pardon?
Nipple.
Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?
N-I-P-P-L-E …
Hyphen E
Hyphen E … Spells Nipple. In my book. It does not spell …[Drops pen].
Have you gone mad? What’s the matter with you? I thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit. You can’t even spell
Alright, Mr Nipple, address? [Hugh looks around] What’s your address?
Are you talking to me?
Why, yes of course.
You want to know my address?
Please.
Or do you want to know Mr Nipple’s address, whoever he is?
Your address please, sir.
Alright. My address is Number twenty-two… [Hugh tap dances, slaps Stephen]… Kings Lynn.
Now watch it.
What?
Just watch it.
Watch what, for heaven’s sake?
You do realise, do you, that assaulting a police officer is an extremely serious offence?
Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very serious. But telling a police officer your address, on the other hand, is probably not very serious, is it? Or is it? Perhaps the law’s changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen whenever they’re asked to.
Alright. Alright. My fault. Ask a stupid person and you get a stupid answer.
I beg your pardon?
So, can I just check this with you, Mr… [Drops pen]… ?
What?
Just to make sure I’ve got this right. Your address is… Number twenty-two… [Throws pencil case violently at Hugh]… Kings Lynn?
No, no, no! What’s the matter with you? Are you deaf? It’s… [Tapdances, slaps Stephen]… Kings Lynn.
Oh I’m sorry. I though you said …[Drop dictionaries at Hugh’s feet]… Kings Lynn.
Well I didn’t.
My apologies, sir. I can’t read my own writing.
Well get a typewriter.
If only we could afford it. [Looks at the paper from a different angle] Actually, at some angles, this almost looks like… Twenty-two… [Chases Hugh with a baseball bat out of the class]
[Hugh slams into the door]… Never mind the blasted sketch, that really hurt!
