Humor oral

Question 1

Beginning:

Answer 1

A speeding ticket? And for what? I don’t even own a car!

Question 2

You know what you did, you scoundrel!

Answer 2

I don’t know much about the law, sir!

Question 3

You were speed walking! Morning strolls shall not exceed 2 km/h, you criminal!

Answer 3

You don’t need even know me, how can you add me to the system?

Question 4

Alright then, [dramatic pause] What’s your name sir?

Answer 4

Right. Hold on a second. [Hugh gets a pen out of his pocket] Ready?

Question 5

Yes. [Confused]

Answer 5

My name is Hugh… [Hugh drops the pen onto the counter]

Question 6

What are you doing?

Answer 6

That’s my name.

Question 7

What is?

Answer 7

This. Hugh… [Hugh drops the pen again]

Question 8

That’s your name?

Answer 8

yes

Question 9

What? Hugh [Stephen drops the pen]… Is your name?

Answer 9

yes

Question 10

What kind of name is that?

Answer 10

Well it’s my name.

Question 11

Unusual, isn’t it, Mr… [Drops pen]?

Answer 11

If I had a pound for every time someone’s said that… Besides, you pronounced it wrong.

Question 12

Do not mock me. [Exaggerated sigh] And how do spell… [Drops pen], Mr … [Drops pen]?

Answer 12

It’s as it sounds.

Question 13

Uh uh. Yeah, but I wonder if you’d mind actually spelling it for me, would you?

Answer 13

Well, I mean, can’t you just…

Question 14

I’d be very grateful. If you wouldn’t mind.

Answer 14

N-I-P-P-L hyphen E.

Question 15

Nipple.

Answer 15

I beg your pardon?

Question 16

Nipple.

Answer 16

Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?

Question 17

N-I-P-P-L-E …

Answer 17

Hyphen E

Question 18

Hyphen E … Spells Nipple. In my book. It does not spell …[Drops pen].

Answer 18

Have you gone mad? What’s the matter with you? I thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit. You can’t even spell

Question 19

Alright, Mr Nipple, address? [Hugh looks around] What’s your address?

Answer 19

Are you talking to me?

Question 20

Why, yes of course.

Answer 20

You want to know my address?

Question 21

Please.

Answer 21

Or do you want to know Mr Nipple’s address, whoever he is?

Question 22

Your address please, sir.

Answer 22

Alright. My address is Number twenty-two… [Hugh tap dances, slaps Stephen]… Kings Lynn.

Question 23

Now watch it.

Answer 23

What?

Question 24

Just watch it.

Answer 24

Watch what, for heaven’s sake?

Question 25

You do realise, do you, that assaulting a police officer is an extremely serious offence?

Answer 25

Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very serious. But telling a police officer your address, on the other hand, is probably not very serious, is it? Or is it? Perhaps the law’s changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen whenever they’re asked to.

Question 26

Alright. Alright. My fault. Ask a stupid person and you get a stupid answer.

Answer 26

I beg your pardon?

Question 27

So, can I just check this with you, Mr… [Drops pen]… ?

Answer 27

What?

Question 28

Just to make sure I’ve got this right. Your address is… Number twenty-two… [Throws pencil case violently at Hugh]… Kings Lynn?

Answer 28

No, no, no! What’s the matter with you? Are you deaf? It’s… [Tapdances, slaps Stephen]… Kings Lynn.

Question 29

Oh I’m sorry. I though you said …[Drop dictionaries at Hugh’s feet]… Kings Lynn.

Answer 29

Well I didn’t.

Question 30

My apologies, sir. I can’t read my own writing.

Answer 30

Well get a typewriter.

Question 31

If only we could afford it. [Looks at the paper from a different angle] Actually, at some angles, this almost looks like… Twenty-two… [Chases Hugh with a baseball bat out of the class]

Answer 31

[Hugh slams into the door]… Never mind the blasted sketch, that really hurt!