How to Respond to an Upsetting Email Flashcards
What to Do When You Receive an Upsetting Email?
How you respond to unsettling emails speaks volumes about your maturity, emotional intelligence, and business savvy — especially when you’re in the early stages of your career. Here’s what to do.
(1) Don’t take it personally. Disturbing emails may feel like personal attacks, but often, they’re more a reflection of the writer’s state of mind. Perhaps the writer is having a bad day at work or home. If you take the attitude that the email is not about you as a person, you can stay self-assured.
(2) Don’t respond immediately.
The worst way to respond to an upsetting email is to shoot back an equally upsetting reply. Take a strategic pause. Remember that once you hit send, your hasty response becomes public. It can be forwarded endlessly and cited in future lawsuits. Avoid addressing substantive issues until you cool down and analyze the situation.
(3) Don’t respond emotionally.
An upsetting email can trigger various emotions, such as shock, anger, or panic. Before you respond, take a few deep belly breaths to get your emotions in check and center yourself.
(4) Analyze the email carefully.
You might cringe the first time you read a challenging email. Force yourself to reread it objectively. Put your attention on the genuine business issues rather than the tone.
What is the Best Way to Approach the Email (1)?
1) Thank the writer for taking the time to communicate.
Before anything else, remember to show your appreciation for the writer’s effort to reach out to you. Even if the message has a negative tone, the writer cared enough about you and your relationship to spend time sharing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge this for the gift it is.
Example:
Thank you for taking the time to share your concerns. We’re always grateful for a chance to make things right. I’m looking into the situation and would love to talk with you to address your concerns.
What is the Best Way to Approach the Email (2) ?
2) Explain your position without blame or bluster.
Keep in mind that this is only the start of the conversation. Your goal is to set the basis for your face-to-face conversation. There may be facts of which the writer was unaware. You can use this conversation as an opportunity to share this knowledge with them.
Example:
I spoke to my sales team and learned that one of the items you requested was back ordered at our supplier’s warehouse. The sales team wanted to send your entire order together, so they held off on shipping the available items. When the team learned that the supplier needed more time than expected to complete your order, they decided to go ahead and send the available items in the interim. As a result, you did not receive all the items you ordered, and they also reached you late.
What is the Best Way to Approach the Email (3)?
3) Identify the core issues.
In your response, offer a resolution for the actual issue that troubled the writer. If that person does not feel you understand what’s at stake, they may lose faith in your response and decline the meeting you’ve proposed. Jan said:
Example:
I realize that not having all the items you ordered made it impossible for you to fill a special order for your customer in turn.
What is the Best Way to Approach the Email (4)?
4) Take responsibility and apologize if necessary.
This step is crucial. Use “I apologize” rather than “I’m sorry.” Apologize is a performative verb. Simply by writing, “I apologize,” you have performed an action. In contrast, “I’m sorry” is a weather report about how you are feeling. If you are the manager, the buck stops with you. Jan continued:
Example:
I apologize for the inconvenience this caused you. As the manager, I take full responsibility for this situation.
What is the Best Way to Approach the Email (5)?
5) Focus on solutions.
The sooner you can move the other person from the past (where the upsetting incident happened) to the future (where solutions lie), the better off you will be. You have no control over what has already happened, but you have an opportunity to concentrate your attention – and your reader’s attention – on the future, where positive change can occur.
Example:
Here’s what I propose: We will fast-track your special request and ship it by next Friday. As a sign of our good will, we offer you a 15% discount and free shipping on these items. Going forward, I will personally oversee all activities on your account. We value your business and hope to have a long and positive relationship.
