Hard on Equipment

Question 1

What has he done with bolts?

Answer 1

He’s been rounding off bolts since the age of 14.

Question 2

What size are the bolts?

Answer 2

Was that a 5/8 or a 9/16.

Question 3

Metric socket

Answer 3

He’s got a metric socket that don’t quite fit.

Question 4

Wiggle

Answer 4

Well, it’ll wiggle just a little but it ain’t quite stripped.

Question 5

Safety guard

Answer 5

The safety guards gone on his grinding machine.

Question 6

Paint brush

Answer 6

He’s got a stiff paint brush he only kinda got clean.

Question 7

hired man

Answer 7

He’s the hired man, my neighbour and a cousin in law

Question 8

Jerry rigging fool

Answer 8

He’s a jerry rigging fool, he got the tool for the job.

Question 9

Vice grips

Answer 9

Well, it’s vice grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench

Question 10

hammer

Answer 10

A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else.

Question 11

don’t make much difference

Answer 11

It just don’t seem to make much difference.

Question 12

like him

Answer 12

Sure do like him but he’s hard on equipment.

Sure do like him but he’s hard on equipment.

Question 13

Corners

Answer 13

His corners aint square and his floor aint level.

Question 14

tape measure

Answer 14

And he’s always had trouble with the old tape measure.

Question 15

doors

Answer 15

His doors don’t close ‘cause the jam ain’t plumb

Question 16

air nail gun

Answer 16

And he’s a gawddamn menace with an air nail gun.

Question 17

Lumberyard store

Answer 17

They love to see him coming at the lumberyard store

Question 18

leak in his roof

Answer 18

Fixed the leak in his roof with a two by four

Question 19

drilled holes

Answer 19

Drilled holes in his boards with the wrong kinda bit

Question 20

Blame the government

Answer 20

And when they don’t line up he blames the government

Question 21

Front yard

Answer 21

The whole front yard’s full of fix ‘em up cars

Question 22

Three don’t run

Answer 22

Three don’t run and the rest won’t start

Question 23

rebuilt motor

Answer 23

Everything’s fine with his rebuilt motor

Question 24

spare parts

Answer 24

Except of course for the couple spare parts left over

Question 25

Bailer wire

Answer 25

Bailer wire tie downs goin’ down the road

Question 26

Bald tires

Answer 26

On two bald tires and an oversized load

Question 27

read a manual

Answer 27

He ain’t never read a manual ‘cause that’s like cheatin’

Question 28

grease on hands

Answer 28

He don’t mind a little grease on his hands while he’s eatin’

Question 29

knuckles

Answer 29

He’s got busted up knucles, his thumb got bruised

Question 30

Jesus

Answer 30

Jesus Christ was a carpenter, too.

Question 31

Hired man

Answer 31

He’s the hired man, my neighbour and a cousin in law