Find the Coaching in Criticism (HBR)

Question 1

How effective is feedback in organizations?

Answer 1

In many organizations, feedback doesn’t work.

Only 36% of managers complete appraisals thoroughly and on time.

55% of employees said their most recent performance review had been unfair/inaccurate.

1/4 said they dread performance review more than anything else in their working lives.

63% of senior HR executives cited managers’ inability/unwillingness to have difficult feedback discussions as their biggest performance management challenge.

Question 2

What is the problem with solely improving the skills of the feedback giver?

Answer 2

It doesn’t accomplish much if the receiver isn’t able to absorb what is said.

There needs to be an ability to PULL.

Question 3

Who struggles with receiving feedback?

Answer 3

Almost everyone, from new hires to C-suite veterans!

Question 4

What are the skills needed to receive feedback?

Answer 4

• Being able to identify and manage the emotions triggered by the feedback
• Being able to extract value from criticism, even when it’s poorly delivered

Question 5

Are the skills needed to receive feedback distinct and learnable?

Answer 5

Yes!

Question 6

What makes receiving feedback so hard?

Answer 6

The process strikes at the tension between two core human needs, the need to learn and grow, and the need to be accepted just the way you are.

Question 7

How can one become better at receiving feedback?

Answer 7

Start by understanding and managing the feelings of anger, anxiety, threat that come with the feedback.

Question 8

What are the ways in which feedback can “push your buttons” (trigger you)?

Answer 8

1. TRUTH TRIGGERS
   - Set off by the content of the feedback, when assessments/advice seem off base, unhelpful, or simply untrue
2. RELATIONSHIP TRIGGERS
   - Tripped by the person providing the feedback
   - Rejected coaching that you would accept on its merits if it came from someone else
3. IDENTITY TRIGGERS
   - About your relationship with yourself
   - Feedback that causes your sense of who you are to come undone

Question 9

Are the “triggers” to receiving feedback normal?

Answer 9

Yes, the responses are natural and reasonable.

Question 10

What is the solution to the inability to registering feedback?

Answer 10

Simply be cognizant of what is happening, and learn how to derive benefit from feedback even when it sets off one or more of your triggers.

Question 11

What is taking feedback well about?

Answer 11

It is a process of sorting and filtering:

• Understanding the other person’s POV
• Trying on ideas that may at first seem a poor fit
• Experiment with different ways of doing things
• Discarding/shelving critiques that are genuinely misdirected/not helpful right away

Question 12

What are six pieces of advice for the receiver of feedback?

Answer 12

1. Know your tendencies
2. Disentangle the “what” from the “who”
3. Sort toward coaching
4. Unpack the feedback
5. Ask for just one thing
6. Engage in small experiments

Question 13

What happens when a relationship trigger is activated? How can you avoid this?

Answer 13

The content of comments is intertwined with your feelings about the giver (how, when, where they delivered the feedback), which causes learning to be short-circuited.

You need to separate the message from the messenger, then consider both.

You need to set aside the “snap judgments” to explore where feedback is coming from and where it is going.

Question 14

What are the two types of feedback?

Answer 14

• Evaluative (rating)
• Coaching (improvement)

Question 15

Why type of feedback is most valuable?

Answer 15

Both are valuable:

• Evaluations tell you where you stand, what to expect, what is expected of you
• Coaching allows you to learn and improve, and helps you play at a higher level

However, you should SORT TOWARD COACHING

Question 16

What does “unpacking the feedback” mean?

Answer 16

Before accepting/rejecting the feedback, do some analysis to better understand it.

• Where does the feedback come from?
• Where is the feedback going? What does the giver want the receiver to do differently, and why?

Question 17

How can you ensure that feedback is less likely to set off your emotional triggers?

Answer 17

If you request it and direct it. In other ways, if you find opportunities to get bite-size pieces of coaching from various people throughout the year.

Question 18

What does research show about those who explicitly seek critical feedback (not just fishing for praise)?

Answer 18

They tend to get higher performance ratings, because someone who asks for coaching is more likely to take what is said to heart, and genuinely improve.

Question 19

What happens when you ask for feedback?

Answer 19

You not only find out how others see you, but you also influence how they see you.

Soliciting constructive criticism communicates humility, respect, passion for excellence, and confidence.

Question 20

What should you do?

Answer 20

When someone gives you advice, test it out!